Telling T you need to terminate due to money.

Thinking of you lots. I'll look forward to hearing about it when you able to post. And remember, how a session goes isn't always up to us. In fact, it's a T's job to make it a safe space and (hopefully) experience.

The session went okay. I'm confused more than ever...

So when I sat down T2 asked what my feelings where? What was my thinking about the need for the additional session. I told her that I had confusing feelings about the session... And that I didn't like how I handled things.. I said there seemed to be two issues...the practical and the emotional...

I told her that although kind...it felt like she was offering a short term solution to a long term issue. That my car insurance payment doubled since my son started driving...that older s is going to be in college next year and that I don't see the ability to pay changing very much anytime soon but I wasn't going to be willing to tell my s he couldn't go to school so I can pay for T.... She said she knew it was a long term solution when she offered it but that she does ask clients from time to time if they are able to pay more and the answer of no is fine too... I told her that it seemed like maybe she changed her mind in the second session and didn't really want me to accept that offer ... She said she made these policies long ago and has them set the same for every person even though some of the issues won't apply to my situation...

We talked about the fact that I found that she said she cared about me upsetting. I said when she first said it..it felt good and nice...but then later it felt sort of like a bad thing... I said that I knew it was appropriate and meant in a normal therapeutic way... But it triggered feelings in me that where extreme....I said it started to feel like too much ...like pressure..like she was going to expect things and stuff. I then went on about the things that I like about her is that she is the same every week...warm but somewhat distant but that the session when she said she cared was different... I told her it changed things... She asked if it changed how I saw her and I said no it's my feelings that have changed.... She asked if it felt more like we are in relationship... And I said yes and that was a big a ha moment because we had talked about attachment and she's knows I have issues with that
.... I call it the come here come here come here get away get away get away syndrome.

I told her that I could see that the sending the check for the extra money was my way of telling her to get away.. I told her I was sorry nap out that and that I realized that it was a very passive aggressive way of handling things .. And she just smiled and said see how far you've come you can't just do passive aggressive things anymore without noticing and you called to deal with it..

So we ended it with her asking me to journal and think about whether this was an attachment thing and to try to get to the feelings underneath ...from the past that might be driving me to have such a strong reaction .... To discuss with her or with the new T...

She told me she meant it for the long run and I needed to give myself a break from the pressure to decide and just think about it for a while...that she said the door will remain open... She once again said we'll u like every I other week part...and I still couldn't correct her.

So I'm back to having to think by out it again

It sounds like it went fairly okay. I am glad you went back to check it out.

wow well done! You did so well expressing everything and making sense of all that's happened, i am in awe dude!

Do you have any inkling what you want to do?

It sounds like you were very honest, with her and with yourself. And it sounds like she was very open and compassionate. Was it like that?

You did well.
Maybe sending a text/mailing her about the weekly appointment could be easier for you? She really sounds like she means it.

This t is kinda nuts, imo. You don't have any pressure to decide! She was giving you supposably two equal choices financially, and her deal was better because she was the known entity. In either case you would only pay the insurance copay. I had a bad feeling when she texted you to cancel because of the weather, but I didnt want to taint your session. But she is NOT offering the better deal because of the biweekly or bimonthly sessions. I wanna just slap her - maybe she'll like that better than me being passive-aggressive?

You did good. I think my t does that too - purposely plays dumb so you HAVE to specifically ask for what you want, and then he gives it to you, no problem. He makes you take that risk. He makes you experience the same shameful feelings rainbow talks about. But - it works. I asked somebody to hold the elevator for me last week while I unloaded my laundry quarters - I would not have done that a few years ago. I would have made myself late instead. So that was major, altho minor to a normal person!

Yes, this. ^^ My therapist does this, too, and I think you're right about why, hankster. It's training. But it is SO annoying.

I had to have a money conversation recently, too. In July, my financial situation changed and I unilaterally decided I was going to handle things by quitting therapy. I told my therapist about this decision, and he was like "wait, back up and let's talk." (I have the push-pull problem too, and I think a lot of my discomfort about all of this is the attachment stuff, as much as anything real that's coming from my therapist.)

Eventually we settled on a really low fee, which is what I can afford right now. I kept telling myself that soon things would change and I would be able to afford insurance and make more money and I could pay him his full fee again. But when we talked about it recently, he surprised me by saying that he knew that my situation was not going to change any time soon and he was OK with that when he went into this agreement.

So maybe directly asking her for the weekly appointment is the thing to do. But I know it is so hard! That risk is scary...

It might have, I don't know. Probably a bit, but that would be about me and my relationship with shame. She was being open and honest and made sure to say that she wasn't suspecting you or feeling as if she can't trust you. But when we are in shame, it's hard to really hear well.

I always am very grateful when the other person clarifies and lays all of the cards on the table, so I know what's what. That's what it sounds like she was doing. Of course, I have the advantage of reading your description of it from beginning to end, and not being the one sitting there and hearing it for the first time, feeling bombarded by the repeated message of mutual trust.

I did have a similar conversation with my T. She said pretty much the same, and that she will make up for my discount someplace else. Then she chuckled and added, "Of course, if you win the lotto, we'll talk again!".

With time this won't feel as intense or as bad. Hang in there

I just want to thank you for sharing your experience. I'm truly inspired.

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