feeling negitive

i don't know what is going on today but i am feeling so negative towards my T for no good reason at all. i have been reading posts this morning and just being angry at my T and wanting to hide from the world. i swear i am taking this everybody hates me im going to go eat worms to an all new level. she has done nothing at all to deserve this .but i am so angry at her and negative about her.

the last few sessions i have talked some about my past and the mother. she has listened and supported i think. i cant seem to feel it . in fact i am quite numb when i am talking to her about it . i don't know if it is the meds that are doing that or if it is them that is allowing me to even talk to her. anyway all it seems to do is make the thoughts in my head more vivid and hard to deal with . i don't even know if they are real. like the thought about the mother burning my fingers. when i talk to her about it the scene in my head is the mother grabbing my arm and dragging me out of the bathroom and putting my fingers on my right hand in the burner. end of scene. talk about it and no big deal. this has always been how i remember this incident. so next i will be driving someplace and out of the blue plays this scene in my head only it is very different and upsetting . the mother is screaming at me i am crying and screaming i hurt im sent off alone. it feels horrible. it is like i have two very different visions in my head of the same situation. am i just trying to make things about this situation worse then it was at the time. it is confusing. i feel crazy about it . like my T lied to me and i am lying to her. but in the end talking to her is not helping at all .it is not changing me at all or helping how i see the world or the people in it . in fact maybe it is making it worse . or maybe i just need to go back to bed and try again tomorrow . life sux and so does my T

(((granite)))

Actually, it is helping to talk to her. You are FEELING the feelings, instead of being cold and numb. It's part of that "process" thing everyone talks about it. I think, somehow, when you feel what that poor little granite felt, that you somehow start to heal. I know it must hurt something awful. This is important, so if you can write or draw about it, even if you let yourself cry and grieve, maybe some of that extreme pressure you feel inside will subside just a bit. If you can let your T know about this, that would be good too.

You are brave.

maybe wiki i don't know it doesn't feel like anything is changing and it is just causing more negativity . thanks for saying i am brave i don't feel so brave as i am planning to just sleep and hide toay

Granite...
Sleeping is a coping mechanism. And it's fine. We somehow think that it's wrong to sleep a day away...but if it's what your mind and body needs, and it helps, then go for it. Just don't make yourself feel guilty for it...ok? Do what you have to do to get by.

I second what wikid says. Your mind is going through a lot. Allow it to rest, if that's what your body tells you.

You really are brave. This is harder than anybody else can understand, but you are doing it anyway. Thanks for allowing us to support you.

Awww Granite, I understand what you mean, I am having a hard time too, I am feeling animosity towards my t right now for no good reason , exactly for the same reason, for disclosing something the last session which I regret, because it opened a can of emotions and feelings, and it had to do with my brother, not me, but in a way it is linked to me, and she told me I should tell her, and now I dont know how to deal with these strong emotions.So I am mad at her, thinking of not even going next session, even though I think I was going to quit all together. Granite I know those feelings, but imo it was good that you disclosed that to your t its progress, and feelings and emotions i have been told , they hurt for a while, but then with the right coping skills they get better to handle, you can do this, I have known you on pc for quite some time, you have dug me out of some big DISTRESS and for that i will always be greatfull , you can do this.

I hear you are angry but maybe it is too soon to know why and who with? T is a lightning rod for emotions we don't know how to handle yet. That's transference and it is one of the ways therapy works. It's normal and encouraging, though it can be uncomfortable to experience it.

slept most of the day until my hubby got home . I really am tired. thank you for all your responses .

im sorry things are feeling so bad for you also . I just don't know if it is all worth this

Don't forget how far you've already come!

It's possible, to have two memories,,same event, from childhood, floating around.

I was talking to my sons' guidance counselor(LISW), talking about my concerns, about their future memories of what they witnessed happening to me, in August.
I learned, all three could have, very different memories, same event. The emotional part of brain, can take on memory. .
Seems, simplistic, in theory, but depending on age of development, it's complex and real.

Your T's, reaction, or non reaction, coupled with this repeated memory, sounds, though tough now, like cusp of breakthrough moment.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Granite- my T says if I walk away hating him somedays, he's done his job. To him, it means I'm feeling my feelings and not blocking them. Sounds like the same may be happening to you too.

How are you feeling today chickie?

thanks wiki I am doing ok .my thoughts have calmed some

Granite,
Your words really resonate with me. I hope you're hanging in there...I am warmed by all the support people are offering up to you! I would like to offer the same thing. I will be sending you good thoughts.