Couch 67 - Keep calm, carry on, and have a cup of tea.

Why about your DH allowing you to heal yourself independent of him as this is not a group project? My W had those same feelings, like she was being left out... But we were able to talk about it and come to the agreement that I would involve her on a needed basis after all some secrets are ok to just keep between you and your T ( as a sounding board of sorts ), W didn't tell me everything little thing about her all the time so there was no need for her to have that power over me.

It was the F word.

Thanks everyone. It is feeling like an invasion of my safe space. My DH even knew the exact date of the last time he came into our session- Feb. 4th- to out my eating disorder. Even T thought that was way too long in between our joint sessions. Three weeks ago when T said that my DH should be coming into sessions, I threatened to terminate if that happens unless there is either a health risk to me or a very, very good reason such as what's going on with my father. He knows exactly where I stand on this issue. He said because of my ED and my somatoform disorder are both based in secrecy, it's important that my DH be in on my therapy. Bull. I'm both ticked off and hurt that he would do this to me right now. He even told my DH that he's going to hear about this during my next session. Darn right he is. Although I told him as I was leaving I wasn't sure if I'd even see him next Wednesday. Of course I will, but at that moment, I was really hurt. He told my DH he'd see him in a month and reminded him that this isn't couples counseling, this is Photo's therapy and we're all here to support her. That's definitely not the way I see it at all. I reminded everybody that he's only coming if I invite him. I still don't think they get it. My DH sees it as an open invite, my T sees it as open communication and I see it as I can never be open with him again or he'll tell my DH everything. Even my ideations that are still high at times.

Help. I want to quit. I really like my t, but I think he just pushed way beyond my boundaries and now I need to sit with this for another nine days with no communication between us. This sucks. Why couldn't we have left on time. Why did he give us that extra 10 minutes when it all fell apart- at least for me it did.

Oh mine was the "P" word

I hope your feeling better soon MKAC.

Thanks. What your T is doing would be the end of therapy with that therapist for me.

It would be a deal breaker for me.... It goes against everything I've ever heard about Therapy.... Dont get me wrong...I dont think there is anything wrong with encouraging to share whats going on with your support people... But T should be working with you for YOU to feel empowered to do that on your own...not to be coerced...

evening everyone group hug to all who are having a bad day

photo im sorry about your T doing that to you

mkac I hope that tooth feels better now

Hi Granite!!!

We'll see what happens after our next session and how my DH reacts. If either pushes it too much, it might be the end. He said it once before too and it took 10 months to get my DH back in last time. And not because my DH didn't want in- it was my refusal. I took a hard stand against it and told him if he wants me to trust him and open up again, my DH isn't coming in. So, we'll see what happens. I do have my ED T that I see also, I just don't have the same relationship built up with her.

Hi, all.

Sorry for coming here to get things off my chest again. It makes me feel bad but yeah, I said I'd continue to try to reach out. I hope that's ok.

I just got home from a friend's house. Apparently our study night turned into a drinking night (for the others, not for me). I always feel like such a failure when attending activities like that. People got drunk, they were laughing and having fun and there I was sitting in the sofa all serious and depressed. It made my mental illnesses so obvious (to me). The differences between myself and the others became so overwhelmingly clear and I felt very isolated even though I was surrounded by great people. It's a common occurrence though. That's how I feel pretty much every time I socialise with people. No matter how great they are I feel like I can never really connect with them on a "deeper level". Sometimes I try to open up but they never really get it anyway.

"Neutrino, don't look so unhappy", someone said tonight. I hate it when people say that. It's just as bad as "Neutrino, why are you so quiet all the time?". It makes me feel so bad. I feel like people expect me to be happy and talkative all the time. I'm neither happy nor talkative. I'm not happy and that sucks but being quiet is a part of my personality (though sometimes I get so anxious in social situations that I literally can't talk). Sometimes I feel like that's not good enough for people. I just feel so damn uncomfortable in the kind of social situation I was in today that I barely know what to do. Tonight I just sat there, felt miserable and fake smiled when people looked at me while all I wanted was to go home.

Ready- I'm really not feeling coerced. It was all my decision to bring my DH in today. Just wasn't expecting him to invite my DH into a monthly session with us. I was ready to bolt when he said that. I made it clear that it was at my invitation only. Not sure what my DH thought of that. My T made it clear that it isn't secrets that are being shared between us in session just that there is a safety involved with someone you don't have to see 7 days a week vs. someone that you do. He said there was a difference between telling someone who cares about and loves you and someone who doesn't. Gee thanks T. I know he doesn't love me, but coming out and saying he doesn't care either. Maybe not what he meant, but I was crumbling inside at that moment. It was horrible. Still don't know how I wasn't crying in session like I am now. Still think it's strange that my DH sees him as my other husband. That just gives me a weird feeling. He's more of a father figure to me, not a spouse.

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble.

Thanks Granite. I hope you're doing well tonight.

didn't get a call from my T office so far so I am not going tomorrow. I will not be stuck there again with no T .it was so humiliating. I don't know how I can face her ever again

Can you call the office to confirm your appt or does your Ts office always call you?

Granite - I would not give them the power. I would call and tell them I wanted to confirm the appointment. Otherwise I would feel at their mercy, and I am not.

so they actually called so I guess I have an appointment tomorrow. I don't know what to do with it. it just doesn't seem all that important. I am so down I don't even want to bother. don't know how to talk to her anyway. I wont feel better

thanks stop they called late but I don't know how to deal with being so down .I don't know what to say to her and I know she will bring up last week and right now I could give a crap about her being sick last week. it was just humiliating but my fault and don't need to be reminded by her about it

I am confused about how her being sick and gone was your fault.

me showing up at her office when she was not there was my fault because I never got the message before I got there .her being sick was not my fault .

the poor woman is allowed to get sick. I humiliated myself

Evening couch.

Well the "little devils" weren't too bad for the sub today. They were no worse than they are for the normal teacher, so that was a good thing. The sub still freaked out though and yelled at every little thing they did and told them they were "bad" and "horrible" students and needed to "straighten up". I don't know how we always get crazy subs who don't understand kids (or lesson plans for that matter). Every sub so far has had the wrong work up on the board for the kids and when I try to tell them that can't be right they throw the sub plans at me and say "well that's what it says here". Everytime, I don't see where they are getting the work from as it is clear ti me (according to his plans) what they are supposed to be doing. I guess my district has "special" subs. And we have another one Wednesday, since the teacher's daughter is going in to have surgery on her foot and he wants to be there. Valid reason. Just means I will have to be tortured with working with another sub.

Argh!! Stupid subs! At least the kids were decent today though.

Did you yell at them or throw stuff or spritz anyone? Otherwise, them not letting you know was their fault, not yours. In my opinion.

Spousal jealousy is pretty normal. T's suggestion is one way to defuse that.

I did show some frustration and panic when the sectary said she was going to have her call me the next day .I said forget it and left that was it .I was just completely embarrassed. I hated that she would tell T that I was there and even might have been upset .I don't like dealing with that kind of stuff with her . I feel dealing with relationship stuff can just be stupid and useless. and humiliating at best

T did leave me a message I just didn't get it before I went to the session