[Daeva]

So I have revealed my cutting to my T. However I haven't told her I've been misusing/abusing my Seroquel, I'm supposed to take 1 100 mg pill a night, however whenever cutting isn't enough or I just don't feel like being conscious I'll pop 4-5 of them and not wake up till the next day in the afternoon or evening. Whatever. I have yet to tell my T, I've been doing this since early November.

My thing is is that something like this, lying by omission, makes the relationship artificial/superficial at best. I feel it's built on false pretenses and it makes it hard for me to believe her when she expresses genuine emotion for me. For example when she says she cares for me, I can't believe her because what if she sees this part of me? I just feel this wall between us whenever i lie by my omission. I am planning on telling my T this session.

I do want to make a note that my T has told me that I can feel free not to tell her things, that when I'm ready to tell her I will, and thats okay. But to me it still affects the relationship in an unhealthy way.

I was just wonder what your guy's feelings and thoughts were on lying by omission and how it affects the relationship?

[purplemystery]

In general, I think it's okay to lie by omission when you are not ready to tell your T something. As my T has said before, it's okay to keep secrets from her.

BUT, in your case, I think it's different because this is something that is dangerous and could cause serious harm. I understand the fear of telling your T, but I think it's important that you do.

Recently, I told my T that I used to watch her out the window of my dorm as she left work. It did feel a little disingenuous and not fully "right" to go on and not tell her. I had the same thoughts: what if she wouldn't accept me if she actually knew? What if this relationship is built on a lie since I'm not telling her this horrible thing that I've done? Well, she took it so well and told me "there is nothing that you can say that is going to screw this up." I think you may be surprised at how much your T would not be angry, but truly care about you if you were to tell her the truth. For me, telling my T really showed me that she will accept me no matter what. This was something I could never fully believe until I actually experienced telling her one of the hardest things.

[Daeva]

I'm so glad your T had a good reaction. I told my T about how attracted I was to her etc and some of my most shameful moments (Like when I was nine I would torture cats) And she took both really well, even showed compassion on the latter one. She's really good about these things. I just been on edge lately and cna see her hospitalizing me which I want I just kinow she won't be able to go with me to the hospital cause she has a meeting afterwards ugh

I'm thinking you need to be straight with your T about the med issue. Not safe and definitely an unhealthy coping skill. Seroquel at that dose isn't particularly dangerous, but doctors need to know what amount you really are taking and need to approve that kind of dose.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I'm thinking you need to be straight with your T about the med issue. Not safe and definitely an unhealthy coping skill. Seroquel at that dose isn't particularly dangerous, but doctors need to know what amount you really are taking and need to approve that kind of dose.

I know, I've been trying to tell her for a few weeks, just been dragging my feet. My friend takes 1,000 mg so I'm not concerned about OD'ing. I tried that back in october, OD'ing on my seroquel, didn't work even after quite a few pills. It is just a unhealthy coping mechanism like you said. I hope she'll take it as well as she did my cutting

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by Daeva

I'm so glad your T had a good reaction. I told my T about how attracted I was to her etc and some of my most shameful moments (Like when I was nine I would torture cats) And she took both really well, even showed compassion on the latter one. She's really good about these things. I just been on edge lately and cna see her hospitalizing me which I want I just kinow she won't be able to go with me to the hospital cause she has a meeting afterwards ugh

Thanks, I'm glad your T took your attraction and shameful moments well too. I would imagine that talking about both of those must have been very difficult. I myself will be telling my T about my attraction for her soon. That's good that you can at least trust that your T will take it well, and I can see your hesitation for fear of being hospitalized. Sometimes I have found that revealing unhealthy things to my T has made me less likely to continue to do those things. Hope you can find the courage to let her know.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

Thanks, I'm glad your T took your attraction and shameful moments well too. I would imagine that talking about both of those must have been very difficult. I myself will be telling my T about my attraction for her soon. That's good that you can at least trust that your T will take it well, and I can see your hesitation for fear of being hospitalized. Sometimes I have found that revealing unhealthy things to my T has made me less likely to continue to do those things. Hope you can find the courage to let her know.

I know I will, I've been hospitalized twice so no fear of that. Just don't want to disappoint her. Which i know I will.