Hugging is rewarding but can be difficult in my experience. I've had five counselors/therapists, four when I was a teenager (14-18) and one now, 20 years later.
Two of the early therapists hugged, two did not. With the first who hugged, we never discussed sexual abuse, other issues were at the forefront then, the hugs were just perfectly comforting and invigorating: I felt so sheltered and joyful to know someone cared about me. This was a school counselor, where the situation was a little less formal than in therapy, and hugging was fairly common at my all girls school, so I never even considered the ethical/potentially negative side of it.
The fourth therapist I saw during those years, I saw for two years, and felt very aliented by her refusal to touch me and the psychoanalytical approach. The lack of touch didn't do me any favors, I made no progress that I can think of during those two years, and finally left in frustration.
The third therapist I saw, the one I first disclosed sexual abuse to- that's where the hugs went wrong. I did want comforting, I was in a difficult place in my life, but I was also dealing with a lot of teenage hormones, she was very attractive, and I was discussing horrible emerging memories of abuse. She would hold me at the end of sessions sometimes, like a loooong hug, and sometimes it was arousing. That mixture of painful therapy, discussing abuse, and feeling aroused with her, well, that has deeply troubled me for a long time. It's something I've only just recently had the courage to discuss with my current therapist. A horribly confusing, uncomfortable situation, and our therapy ended abruptly, a serious rupture, so it wasn't resolved then at all. That therapist was only an intern- I do not, in retrospect, believe she had the experience level to properly help me then, or to realize what was going wrong for me.
My current therapist offers hugs if I ask for them, which is critical to me, but she is long distance, so we don't actually touch- they're virtual hugs, which are sometimes nearly as good. She is 30 years older and not at all my type, so thank goodness, erotic transference hasn't really entered into our relationship, but I've told her I'm pretty terrified of feeling aroused while discussing abuse. (I know it's common, but... that doesn't make it pleasant or easy to live with.) She's promised we can work through that if it happens.
I'm really glad she will hug me, but I worry about asking for them too much, hard to explain all the reasons why. And sometimes, lately, I get a little afraid about being aroused in her direction, though it's more probably because I'm excellent at worrying about things than because it will be a serious issue with us.
So, ask a short question, get a long answer, haha.
I'm all in favor of hugs, touch is human, touch is healing, BUT it's all about understanding client's and therapist's motivations, having open communication about the reasons, and maintaining safe boundaries, which vary for each relationship.
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.
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