[Asiablue]

I had the chance of meeting with my T on xmas day because she doesn't celebrate it. I would happily have done it co i hate xmas, every year is made incredibly painful and upsetting by my divorced parents. But me and my husband are trying really hard to create new memories just the two of us and every year we try so hard to not let anyone get in the way of us just spending the day together with no drama.But it never happens. This year is no different. And now i wish i'd just kept my appointment to see her tomorrow, cos frankly i'm never going to have a happy xmas.

I've spent the day in tears over my dad's behaviour and this evening listening to my drunk mother rant about my dad, about how everything affects her, about how she can't understand my illness cos "i look so well" and how she can't understand why i'm so fat cos i don't eat that much, she know it's the illness but it's just hard to accept and she's worried sick tht one day my husband might leave me because i'm a burden because of my illness.

I see my T on Friday but instead of talking about the crisis i had last week my precious time will now be taken up talking about this crap.

I am so done.

[Daeva]

Is there anyway you can put it in a letter and give it to your T in case you can't get to it?

[brillskep]

Your precious time should be used to talk about what you feel is most important for you.

Sorry to hear you're having a painful Christmas. It will be over soon and don't give up trying to make future holidays what you need them to be.

[Asiablue]

yeah i guess i could.

[unaluna]

Trigger warning

Omg. You dont have to wait until that old lady is dead to stop putting up with her abuse. I want to tell her to just shut up. Thats how my mother would talk to me. "Oh im worried about your being heavy, i have a right." Yeah you have the right to STFU. Cant you drive her home or leave when she starts talking like that? Boundaries, girl. This was why one of the hardest units in DBT group was when we went around the room and just said "no".

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by hankster

Trigger warning

Omg. You dont have to wait until that old lady is dead to stop putting up with her abuse. I want to tell her to just shut up. Thats how my mother would talk to me. "Oh im worried about your being heavy, i have a right." Yeah you have the right to STFU. Cant you drive her home or leave when she starts talking like that? Boundaries, girl. This was why one of the hardest units in DBT group was when we went around the room and just said "no".

Lol, i don't even spend xmas with her anymore, that is MY boundary! < proud face

This was all over the phone. And yes it was wrapped in care, all said in the nicest (if a little slurred) way. But she says it all the time. My husband adores me, he's not going to leave me yet she continues to judge him by her many mens' shabby standards, not all men are like her poor choices. She claims to be proud of me but even when i was standing in wedding dresses she'd commented on my weight, how i used to have a lovely figure. I've put on weight since being virtually housebound and very ill with an immune disease. Yet, she says she finds it hard to understand , i think she just doesn't believe me or thinks i could try harder...

I'm trying so hard to have boundaries but when she gets started i'm so shocked and angry at what she's saying i just freeze or snap at her. Ugh parents suck.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by brillskep

Your precious time should be used to talk about what you feel is most important for you.

Sorry to hear you're having a painful Christmas. It will be over soon and don't give up trying to make future holidays what you need them to be.

You're right, and by Friday i might be calmer. But i just feel like i have enough things i need to concentrate on without my parents adding more stress and more things to the mix.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Lol, i don't even spend xmas with her anymore, that is MY boundary! < proud face

I'm trying so hard to have boundaries but when she gets started i'm so shocked and angry at what she's saying i just freeze or snap at her. Ugh parents suck.

Oh i get the freezing. Congrats on not spending time with her!

[ThisWayOut]

(Hugs) i felt incredibly guilty seeing t today, but she had offered it and i took it. I'm glad you get see her Friday tho. I hope you can cover what you need to cover. I'm sorry your parents are so difficult to stomach. My mom's actually better when she is a certain level of drunk (which she is tonight)... it can't be took much or too little. :/
anyway. I hope you can reset your Christmas memories for the year, like a button you push to start the tape over (not easy, but trying it myself this year). (Hugs)

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry this time of the year is so difficult for you. Like someone else said, soon it will be over. Friday isn't so far away. Is there any chance you can contact your T and see her tomorrow after all? It sounds like your H is very supportive, so I hope you and he do something fun to celebrate tomorrow!

[Rzay4]

It will be over soon and yes you should be calmer by Friday. Good luck.

[caseygirl]

I just said adios to my toxic mother for the very last time (i said that last time), but this time I mean it. She has all but ruined my life with her hate and, well I don't want to get into a rant. Anyways, I sure feel for anyone who is carrying the weight of toxicity with anyone in a family with guilt on their shoulders; hard to get them off but when you decide it's worth it.

Good luck to you and your session.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm sorry this time of the year is so difficult for you. Like someone else said, soon it will be over. Friday isn't so far away. Is there any chance you can contact your T and see her tomorrow after all? It sounds like your H is very supportive, so I hope you and he do something fun to celebrate tomorrow!

I probably could still see her but it's not that bad, i'm used to this s- hit every single year without fail. This year isn't even anywhere close to the worst thing any two of them have done. I'm just so mad that no matter what boundaries i put up (that i've worked hard to achieve thru a lot of therapy) that somehow i get dragged in.
And i'm angry at myself for taking her call, but i never expected her to be halfway to drunk so early and i thought she was just calling to say Merry Xmas but the call turned into something else entirely. She just ranted and never let me speak and I;m angry i didn't end the call sooner. I KNOW what to do but i was just caught off guard i suppose.

I am going to do what someone suggested and write it all out for my therapist to read. I can hang on till Friday now.

[JaneC]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this Asia, I know how much it sucks. But what others said is true...it'll soon be over.

Christmas day is all but over here, I escaped fairly unharmed. My step father only told me to "Get F@#ked" with meanign once, and my mother told me I was getting paid more than I am worth...........this is easy going.

So, I understand.....sendign you kind understanding 's