[Raging Quiet]

I know the obvious answer is to get another T, but I've had enough of anything therapy related after seeing my t on and off for 6 years.

We just seem to have normal conversations with her opinions. She doesn't paraphrase or summarise in sessions and often doesn't mind if I leave in a regressed state. Yet, I'm so attached to her and she knows that.

She just isn't empathic and says a lot of things that make me leave feeling angry with how the session went. She isn't supportive of my IVF treatment; she's basically invalidates all my feelings. When I try to leave therapy altogether, she sort of wont let it be easy for me to.

Sorry to rant on, I'm literally split between leaving and staying.

Has anyone here had a therapist who lost their empathy? How did you get it back? How did you change this?

[Karrebear]

Can you talk to her about it?

[wotchermuggle]

I thought you were terminating with her after she got mad and punched a wall?

Or am I mistaken and was that someone else?

[Leah123]

I've certainly experienced minutes where my therapist wasn't attuned to me, didn't empathize, missed the mark. In our particular case, we have had a rupture or two that took a while to heal, from a major disconnect, perhaps the healing happened over a period of days, as we discussed the issue and I saw she was willing to listen, compromise, and not be too defensive, it healed but I've still touched on them from time to time as things came up.

However, yours sounds like a chronic issue, not an isolated misstep. The things you've explained are major concerns: after the length of time you've been seeing her, if you are not able to print out your post above or discuss it with her, I am concerned at the lack of trust, and not sure it can or should be worked through. I don't think there's a way "around" it to mend it, I think you'd need to go "through" directly by being honest with her about these concerning patterns.

[Favorite Jeans]

What's the plus side of continuing with her?

Good luck with IVF!

[Nightlight]

I think my therapist has at times and there was at least one awful session that completely lacked any empathy and left me feeling completely shattered. I am also very attached to my therapist. There were things going on in her own life, and I believe she took a step back from me as well. Gradually she returned to being much more empathetic, but we still don't have quite the same relationship that we did before. My attachment is no longer stable. In the long run, well, I really don't think life is long enough to stick with someone who continues to harm you in that way. There is no way to help a therapist to be more empathetic, that's completely in their hands.

Even though my therapist has returned to being very empathetic, I'm seeing a second therapist at the moment. It really does help to be able to talk to someone else and see the way you can quite quickly gain support from another person who comes in with a whole new set of qualities. Given how attached you are, I really think it would be useful if you could just talk over this whole situation with someone objective. Sometimes something like seeking out help from somewhere else can feel like the last thing you want to do, but I think that can be part of the avoidance that springs up if really don't want to contemplate the end. Sometimes it's worth pushing through that and just giving it a go anyway. You clearly do want and need the help and support or you wouldn't be trying so hard to find it with your current therapist who keeps missing the mark.

If there is any way you could find someone else to talk this over with, I do think it would help. I know you really don't want to leave your therapist, so even though she's been harming you and not really doing the job she should be, you could think of it as seeing her less regularly, but that it's not going to be a black and white ending, she will still be there, so you haven't lost this person you're so attached to. If you find someone who can really hear you, I think you may surprise yourself and find that you need your current therapist's "support" less and less. I understand what it's like to need to keep going back, even when you feel like you're being badly hurt, but it's a really unhealthy dynamic and if it doesn't improve, I dont think it does any good in the long run.

[anilam]

IDK, RQ, I guess it comes a time when you do have to move on- sometimes the T just can't help you anymore...

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

I thought you were terminating with her after she got mad and punched a wall?

Or am I mistaken and was that someone else?

Yeah, that was her, but she didn't remember hitting the wall and I accepted her apology. Good memory though my friend

[feralkittymom]

I don't think changing someone else is within your power.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

I know the obvious answer is to get another T, but I've had enough of anything therapy related after seeing my t on and off for 6 years.

We just seem to have normal conversations with her opinions. She doesn't paraphrase or summarise in sessions and often doesn't mind if I leave in a regressed state. Yet, I'm so attached to her and she knows that.

She just isn't empathic and says a lot of things that make me leave feeling angry with how the session went. She isn't supportive of my IVF treatment; she's basically invalidates all my feelings. When I try to leave therapy altogether, she sort of wont let it be easy for me to.

Sorry to rant on, I'm literally split between leaving and staying.

Has anyone here had a therapist who lost their empathy? How did you get it back? How did you change this?

I got to this point with Madame T, and as everyone knows, I quit and put the blame on her.

I believe, if a T constantly fails in empathy, she deserves to be dumped.

[~EnlightenMe~]

It is difficult when you are attached to your therapist while concurrently feeling like he/she doesn't understand you. Can you interview other therapists while you are still seeing the one you have? You will know when another therapist "gets" you, or at least I did quickly with my new therapist, and a little over a year later, I still know that I have the right therapist. I don't have to constantly explain to him or help him understand who I am, and why I behave the way I behave. Instead of focusing on helping him understand me, I can focus on getting better. Maybe you can ease your way into seeing a new therapist? You deserve to have a therapist that understands you and can help you. It's not your job to help your therapist have more empathy for you, you shouldn't even have to ask that question. I wish there was something I could say to convince you how imperative it is for you to find a new therapist, but I know the difficult position you are in. I'll just offer my support, PM me if you need to talk. Take care.

[eblam81]

You mentioned that you are seeing another therapist now, in addition to your original T. I would imagine that would confuse things. Also, do both T.'s know this? I think it's only fair that everyone is aware of the relationships involved, for your sake. I don't know if having 2 T's is a good idea. Just saying.

[Gavinandnikki]

I would get raging angry.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by eblam81

You mentioned that you are seeing another therapist now, in addition to your original T. I would imagine that would confuse things. Also, do both T.'s know this? I think it's only fair that everyone is aware of the relationships involved, for your sake. I don't know if having 2 T's is a good idea. Just saying.

I see two separate therapists and it is not, in my experience, confusing to me in the least.
For me, it is better than just one.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

....
Has anyone here had a therapist who lost their empathy? How did you get it back? How did you change this?

Yes. I never did get her empathy back. At least not yet and it's been months. I don't expect I ever will.
I understand still being attached, and hoping to work it out. I tried. She left me. It was hard - before she left me, and after. I don't kow if I ever would have left her. Maybe. I was getting close, but also trying really hard and hanging on to anything for hope.

[unaluna]

I think there is no going back; there is only going forward. You and i are kind of in the same spots with our ts - deep attachment, but our actual lives are getting worse, not better. Sometimes people just have bad luck, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. You face it, you do get support from t etc, and you work your way out of it, but it must be along a different path. Maybe she feels she cant support you on the old path? I know i am causing a rupture with my t - i feel like things are getting worse; but by taking some action, i am getting the space i need to change things.

[growlithing]

Was she empathetic and then eventually seemed uncaring? That sounds like a nightmare to me

[Syra]

Originally Posted by growlithing

Was she empathetic and then eventually seemed uncaring? That sounds like a nightmare to me

That's how it was for me. It was/is a nightmare.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think there is no going back; there is only going forward. You and i are kind of in the same spots with our ts - deep attachment, but our actual lives are getting worse, not better. Sometimes people just have bad luck, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. You face it, you do get support from t etc, and you work your way out of it, but it must be along a different path. Maybe she feels she cant support you on the old path? I know i am causing a rupture with my t - i feel like things are getting worse; but by taking some action, i am getting the space i need to change things.

I'm sorry things are not going well with your T. He sounds cute.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by eblam81

You mentioned that you are seeing another therapist now, in addition to your original T. I would imagine that would confuse things. Also, do both T.'s know this? I think it's only fair that everyone is aware of the relationships involved, for your sake. I don't know if having 2 T's is a good idea. Just saying.

Don't know if this was asked to me - I'm seeing the same t; I don't have two.

Take care and seasons greetings x

[Perna]

I would look at it as realistically as I could; if "therapy" (not the therapist) is not helping you at the moment then I would do something else. Don't know if that is another therapist, a different kind of support (someone at the IVF clinic, an IVF group?) or what, but if therapy were not a helpful part of my life, I would have to swap it out for something else. It sounds similar to me to "love" and "like"; you may love your parents but not like them; you may be attached to your therapist but not like her and so why hang around with her? Find something else that will help move you forward and go toward that and your T won't have such a hold to keep you back with her.

[brillskep]

What you are describing does not sound like therapy.

Therapists are human and they can be preoccupied, hurried, sometimes lose sight of important things. But if it goes on for longer than a couple of sessions, it's a problem and I think it needs to be addressed. Have you told her what you've noticed and what you feel and think about her new attitude? That might help or at least her reaction will let you know where you stand and what to expect from now on.

On the other hand, you say you've had enough of anything therapy related. Now I don't know you and whatever brought you to therapy, but I wonder if you checked with yourself whether you still need it. Or if maybe you need a break for a while, to gather your thoughts before moving on to another therapist?

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

I know the obvious answer is to get another T, but I've had enough of anything therapy related after seeing my t on and off for 6 years.

We just seem to have normal conversations with her opinions. She doesn't paraphrase or summarise in sessions and often doesn't mind if I leave in a regressed state. Yet, I'm so attached to her and she knows that.

She just isn't empathic and says a lot of things that make me leave feeling angry with how the session went. She isn't supportive of my IVF treatment; she's basically invalidates all my feelings. When I try to leave therapy altogether, she sort of wont let it be easy for me to.

Sorry to rant on, I'm literally split between leaving and staying.

Has anyone here had a therapist who lost their empathy? How did you get it back? How did you change this?

[blur]

RQ, are you in an infertility or IVF support group? i know you are having a rough time leaving your T but maybe if you got some actual support elsewhere it would help give you the strength to leave. unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to get back your Ts empathy.

[Raging Quiet]

I'm not in any support group as the only group in my area and at the hospital falls on a night I do a college course that I've paid to do. Thank you though Blur.

BrillSkep- you make some valid points, I will digest them all today.

Thanks both xxx

[CantExplain]

What do you do when your T has lost her empathy?

If the salt has lost its flavor, with what will it be salted? It is then good for nothing, but to be cast out and trodden under the feet of men.