[Karrebear]

Confused.

I miss talking to T a lot. I want to go back and see her but I am scared because I don’t want to run out of things to talk about and have things end like they did last time. When I say run out of things to talk about I mean too scared to talk about what’s important. I have a heck of a time explaining my feelings to anyone. Its like I can tell about something but I don’t know how to tell how I feel. That makes it difficult for me to be in therapy. Things did not end badly. I was having a hard time finding things to talk to her about and I said I didn’t feel there is a point in coming anymore. She said we could take a break and I could come back when I am ready. I wonder if I am feeling this confusion because the door is still open. If the door was not open I think I would be ok…and because I feel like that I doubt my need to be in therapy. Am I just missing the relationship or is there stuff that my mind that needs to be sorted out?

Another thing is that I am scared of is getting too attached to her. I really like her and feel a connection with her but I have been burned in the past with a couple therapists with one quitting and one terminating me unexpectedly. I am not afraid of this one leaving but I'm scared of growing close to her and that is going to make it so difficult to leave her when its time. I cant feel that kind of hurt again.

I don’t know what to do ☹

[Freewilled]

I'm sorry - that does sound very difficult. A little bit like damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't, no? I understand fear of abandonment and don't have the answers, I'm afraid. I've tried making myself be open but it didn't work too well. I continue to try. I've been terminated unexpectedly by a T before too and know how hard it is, even just to try again, let alone commit to it 100%. Is there a specific reason(s) why part of you wants to consider going back?

[Karrebear]

I guess I always had the intention to go back but with the time away (just over 2 months) I start doubting my need. I need to work through some traumas that happened awhile back. I have eating issues, low self esteem, anxiety, some depression, communication and relationship crap. Those are the reason I probably need to go back. I am just hesitant and scared.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Karrebear

I guess I always had the intention to go back but with the time away (just over 2 months) I start doubting my need. I need to work through some traumas that happened awhile back. I have eating issues, low self esteem, anxiety, some depression, communication and relationship crap. Those are the reason I probably need to go back. I am just hesitant and scared.

I understand hesitant and scared I'm afraid of my T harming me and abandoning me - more so emotionally. I'm afraid he will turn his back on my pain, minimize, belittle etc. so that is part of what keeps me from having much to say too sometimes...I think I could work through it with my T during sessions if my mind didn't get all scrambled and befuddled Are you able to talk to your T about what you need, or were you able to during the times you spent together? I am working my way up to it. I think its foundational to my problems so I am hoping to process it with him on a deeper and more prolonged level. Hmmm...just had an insight: maybe I need to talk through with him the scrambled thoughts thing first (???) gosh - sorry Karrebear. I hope you might be able to reach out to your T and talk to her about your valid concerns. You have a right to therapy like anyone else and your needs are important too

[healingme4me]

I find it professional courtesy, to keep the door open, for return. Perhaps, the detached attitude towards her, is a sign of growth? Knowing you need to work through things, yet, it's not about her, per se??
Sometimes, healthier behavior patterns, feel uncomfortable, at first, because that's not how we were to begin with, dealing with any aspect of dysfunction?

Just a thought, reading your wonderments.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Karrebear]

thanks, freewilled. I haven't talked to her about what I need when I was seeing her. I didn't even think of all this until these last couple months. I will tell her all this if and when I do go back. Thanks for listening

[Karrebear]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I find it professional courtesy, to keep the door open, for return. Perhaps, the detached attitude towards her, is a sign of growth? Knowing you need to work through things, yet, it's not about her, per se??
Sometimes, healthier behavior patterns, feel uncomfortable, at first, because that's not how we were to begin with, dealing with any aspect of dysfunction?

Just a thought, reading your wonderments.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

So do you think she really didn't mean that it was ok to come back?