[SoupDragon]

What do you think about my plan to forward the following to T? Not whether to send it or not, but the wording? Any feedback would be great.

"At the nsk of putting myself into the irritating client category, l am writing to let you know l will not be attending the session on Tuesday.

You have not turned "all bad" yet l am experiencing hurt and know l will be unable to talk to you about it. l can't stand another session sitting there not being able to be open and therefore l do not consider it in my interest to attend at the moment.

l do respect what you have previously said about not just stopping and when l feel more settled and less overwhelmed l will get in touch to arrange another session if you have the time capacity at that point.

l acknowledge that this is less than the agreed 7 day notice and l will forward the money to you"

[stopdog]

I have sent letters like this before. It was always useful for me. I was usually more explicit that the therapist was not to contact me, some will and some won't from what I have heard, and I did not want to have to worry about accidentally answering the phone and having it be a therapist.

[SoupDragon]

Thanks Stopdog. Yes l will add about not contacting me, so that it is clear for both of us.

[Elektra_]

would be better if u go... bu thats just my opinion. tc

[SoupDragon]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

would be better if u go... bu thats just my opinion. tc

l would love it if l could go and talk about it. But l know l will sit there squirming and saying nothing, then leave feeling cross with myself for being so useless and wasting another Session. But thanks for the encouragement Soup

[TheWell]

How about going and handing her the letter. That will make you have the conversation. Sometimes the things that are the hardest to do are the things we need to do the most.

[SoupDragon]

Thanks TheWell, I know that is good advice, but it just feels too terrifying.

[Victoria'smom]

If your going to pay for it anyway I say go.

[Syra]

I've been there. I didn't even write a letter. I left a message on the phone something like:
I want to cancel the next meeting. I can't talk about it yet. When I can, I will call to schedule another appointment. if I remember correctly, I was struggling (successfully) to hold back tears as I left the message. I could barely think about it, couldn't have written about it much, and couldn't face him yet. His response (left in another phone message), which was very open and trusting in me, probably allowed me to breathe and go back sooner than I might have. Sometimes trying to push something makes it take longer.

As for feedback on your letter, I have a sense of stridency from your letter. I'm not sure why, particularly since I don't hear any blaming or judging, and perhaps that is what you want. I'm just observing for feedback.

picky grammar:
there should be a comma after "all bad," yet ....
I first I read it as: you haven't turned all bad yet,,,, but then the next phrase doesn't flow so I went back and realized what you meant.
and maybe a comma after "yet" too. I'm not sure.

[BonnieJean]

Hey Soup, I feel sad you're going thru this rough patch. Sometimes things turn out less awful than we anticipate but you know yourself. My thought was to write about the the hurt, etc. that you are experiencing that is holding you back from therapy, that you feel unable to communicate in session. The act of writing might help in and of itself and if you can deliver it or mail it to T, all the better. Then T will know and you won't be so alone with it.

[Hoppery]

I would say, force yourself to go. Because isn't sitting there and not saying much at all, part of the therapy process? How will you ever feel like you can open up to your T if all you do is quit when it get's rather difficult? Sorry to sound harsh, but it won't get better unless you keep going. It's a long hard rocky road, but you'll come out the side where you will learn to live and not just exist.

Think about at least.

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

What do you think about my plan to forward the following to T? Not whether to send it or not, but the wording? Any feedback would be great.

"At the nsk of putting myself into the irritating client category, l am writing to let you know l will not be attending the session on Tuesday.

You have not turned "all bad" yet l am experiencing hurt and know l will be unable to talk to you about it. l can't stand another session sitting there not being able to be open and therefore l do not consider it in my interest to attend at the moment.

l do respect what you have previously said about not just stopping and when l feel more settled and less overwhelmed l will get in touch to arrange another session if you have the time capacity at that point.

l acknowledge that this is less than the agreed 7 day notice and l will forward the money to you"

Soup.... oh I remember all of these feelings... actually I think we used to discuss this about 2 years ago...(not sure its the same T for you now)... I know you have to do what you have to do but maybe you should go back and read your journals if you kept them or old posts and remember how it felt before when you used to just stop... and then when you would call to go back.... I'm not saying that in the end taking a break isn't the best thing or stopping and finding another T...

I'm just saying to think twice about your agreement with your T.... you made it for a reason and perhaps you should honor it just because you made it.. go and discuss it with T by writing a letter about how you feel and handing it to him.. and decide then to tell him you want to take a break...

These are just my opinions and only you know what is best for you to do.

[elliemay]

I wasn't clear after reading if you were cancelling an appointment or actually terminating. If it is the latter, I would say it up front. Then it's pretty obvious that you won't be at the next appointment.

However, I think the issue is that you aren't talking in therapy, and you need some reassurance that's it's okay to be that way, You just ask for that reassurance. Are you hoping your therapist will call? They may not. Get ready for that.

If you are terminating, the therapist really can't ask you to come back.

[Mactastic]

The way I see therapy is this: face it now, or face it later, but whatever it is that bugs you (and brought you to therapy) isn't going away on it's own. On the bad days (my Tuesday, like yours, will be h*ll this week) remembering this keeps me going.

[A Red Panda]

Honestly, if I was already going to pay for it... I'd go. I'd write everything out and I'd hand it in when I got there - like, everything about the topic that's on your mind.

If you aren't able to hand it in when you get there, and sit in silence? Oh well! Maybe you would be able to hand it in when leaving. And just say, at that point, that you want to have the next week off because you don't feel comfortable being there at the moment.

But this week? When it's already being paid for? I'd go and at least see what I could possibly manage to make myself say. Even saying a little bit more about the topic would be more beneficial for both you and your T than not going.

[UnderRugSwept]

If you are still processing your feelings on your own and what it is you wish to say/how to approach things with your T in the future, I don't see any reason to go (except it's tough you still have to pay her....yuck on a 7-day cancellation policy).

[stopdog]

It would not bother me to pay for it. Sometimes going is not the best thing to do. I have always done better after breaks. It gives one a chance to clarify and regroup.

[tooski]

I'm sorry you're hurting and feel unable to talk about it. The tone of the email seems quite emotionless and formal, although very proper. No one could fault you for not being polite. It's clear that you're cancelling your upcoming session, but not clear about any others. Do you have regularly scheduled appts? If I were T, I wouldn't know what your intentions were for any future sessions. Unless you have none scheduled, and in that case it sounds like you'll just call when you're ready for another session, and are not terminating completely.

Are you clear on what kind of response you expect? I don't know your email agreement with T, whether he would normally respond or not. But if you have some sort of expectation of a certain kind of response, maybe you should review the wording and see if you're likely to get it or not. (I have no idea about what this might be - just putting it out there because I've discovered I often have hidden expectations about responses that I don't realize, until I don't get the response that I want ...)

Also, I'm having a really rough time in T right now myself. So I truly do feel for you. It can be pretty hellish, actually .......

Since you're not asking for advice about whether to send it or not, I'll refrain from expressing my opinion.

<<go ... go ... go>> Oops! Slipped up there, sorry.

[Nelliecat]

(((soup)))

Are you talking about having a break and potentially not going back? I wasn't sure. You certainly sound very clear that you aren't going in this week and like SD said, sometimes a break can help clarify and calm things. But sometimes it can muddle and prolong things even more. Only you really know. I know you were only asking for feedback on the wording of your letter but I wonder if, by asking us, if you're wanting to know something else too. Maybe seeking permission to stop seeing t. IDK, maybe I'm getting the wrong end of the stick. If you do go into your session this week or whenever, I'll pocketride if you like

[SoupDragon]

Thank-you all for your posts. They ALL make complete sense to me.

Yes Miguel'smom and A Red Panda - as I have to pay for it anyway, then it is true that I may as well go.

Hoppery - yes I can go and sit and say nothing, it won't hurt.

Bonnie Jean - I have written a lot in the past and it has been useful to me. But my T will not respond to me when I write things down anymore - I understand why. But yes maybe writing it down for myself will help the clarity.

Elliemay - cancelling vs terminating - I am not sure I know the answer to that question myself at the moment. And yes maybe if I had reassurance that it is OK to sit and say nothing, then that would help.

Mactastic - yes all those same issues that took me to see T are still there, maybe even more so now that the can of worms has been opened. Quitting therapy and doing nothing is not going to help.

Elsewhere - yes I am still processing the feelings. I think the issue is that they were triggered by T and maybe I am having difficulty talking to him about it as he is the "perpetrator" somewhere deep in my subconscious.

Readytostop - gosh 2 years!! I am that same broken record aren't I? And yes it is the same T. Ahhh!!!

Tooski - ha ha - thank-you - if only I knew how to make the font smaller, I would reply to you in a very small way

Nelliecat - thanks for offering to be a pocket rider

Stopdog - I wish I were more like you. You posts always seem so self assured and pragmatic to me. I wish I could assert myself in the way you do and see things clearly.

So what you have all helped me to decide, is that I will not make a decision today. I will try and write it all down, see how I feel tomorrow and if I decide to bite the bullet and go, I shall wait for you to jump in my pocket NellieC, try and talk about what I have written down, but if not leave it with T and if I decide to cancel maybe meet you for a coffee to celebrate Stopdog but also drown my sorrows for wasting the money from the session. Yeah a plan!

Thanks guys you really have been so very helpful to me.

[stopdog]

Good luck with it.