When do T's read letters? What to expect?

I gave my T a really open letter after our skills group yesterday. She was really concerned when I gave it as I've never done that or even discussed it before. She asked me a couple times if she had any reason to be worried and I told her there wasn't and I could wait until our session on the 17th.

Now I'm wondering if she thought it may have been a goodbye letter... And if she already read it or if she's waiting until closer to our session. I'm not surprised I'm not hearing anything from her as I didn't expect it. Just wondering did she read it, what was her reaction, does she still care... I'll see her on Monday for group again. Wondering if she'll say something... I'm really double guessing my choice to give the last night... But it was a now or never kind of situation...

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It's hard to say whether she's read it now or want to wait to read it with you on the 17th. But if i was a therapist, i'd read it straight away, i'd want to know what was in it mostly for safety reasons.

That's kind of what I was thinking. She may have made sure I was safe but will look more into it closer to the 17th. I specifically told I didn't want to be around when she'd read it.

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Hi Jordy,

I think that because, as you said, it was out of character for you to do that, your T was just trying to confirm that that things were okay. It could have been a termination letter or a suicide note, or who knows what else. She did the right thing (or at least something my own T would do) by confirming that you were okay.

Also, congrats on allowing yourself to be forward and vulnerable enough to present her with such an open letter. Those things help the T see you best, and in turn helps them help you better. I'm willing to bet she already read the letter but is waiting until the session to address it since, like you said, the topic is able to hold out until then. I have no doubt that she cares but I am not so sure that she will mention the letter on Monday unless you address her to ask her if she read it or something.

I think its normal to question if you made the right choice but I think its very helpful that you chose to be bold and do it and I hope it all works out for the best for you

Thank you for the encouraging words. I know she did the right thing by making sure I was safe. And that made me realize she really does care. I guess she also realized something going on during group as I kept referring to my horse for examples which I mainly do when I need to feel safe.

I'm trying to let all of this go as there's nothing I can do until next week. But I can't stop thinking about it. Even pretended I had a migraine this morning to be able to spend the morning in bed and skip work.

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Therapists as a whole do not handle these sorts of things in any sort of uniform or non-random way. It is, from my experience and reading, simply up to the whim of the therapist at the time. Some contact the client, some talk about it by bringing it up, some wait for the client to bring it up, some read ahead of time, some wait and read it while client is there, some try to get the client to read it to them.

I know there's no standard answer for this. I'm just trying to calm down a bit. But one thing's for sure I won't read it to her and I won't be anywhere near her when she reads it the first time.

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Like others said, each T is different.

I actually asked my T if she reads my e-mails when I send them or right before our appt. (She's always a few mins late for our appt.) Anyways, her answer was both: she reads it as soon as she gets it, and reviews it before our appt.

And my T will NOT respond to any of my e-mails unless it's some sort of emergency.

My "guess", she has read your letter, and since you told her that you could wait till the next session, she is probably also waiting.

I do not know your circumstances and understand that you are worried about the letter and T's reaction to what is in the letter. I assume the contents of the letter were things that you want to address but find it too hard to bring up. I think you might want to discuss if a letter is/was appropriate at your next appointment. You did say that you are doing some skills training. Perhaps you might want to ask T what skills would help you in the future when you are facing this same situation. Include your concerns about how you have handled the time between appointments in that discussion. Hang in ther you are doing the best that you can AT THIS TIME!

The letter was actually a letter to my brother/abuser in which I tell him how I feel, how I want to hurt myself, how I was considering suicide after Christmas because of his constant abuse. I know that I handled the situation quite well... Drank a bit too much but other than that no self harm. It could have been much worse. I mainly gave her the letter because in it I mention some forms of self harm that I need but can't talk about and because it gives her insight to my feelings when in crisis.

What I'm most worried about is the self harm part. I can't describe it here as it's too disgusting and I don't want to trigger anyone.

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Well, if she has read the letter and hasn't responded yet, then you probably don't have anything to worry about. SI is very common and so is suicidal ideation. If a T doesn't know that...well, then...I would personally start questioning them.

And if she hasn't read the letter yet, and reads it right before you see her again or when you see her again, then she'll probably give you a chance to explain anything she's concerned about.

Somethings are scary to tell other people: whether it's thoughts, feelings, or actual events. Somethings might have severe consequences attached to them, or at least we think so.

Honestly, I think you should be proud of yourself for writing the letter AND giving it to her. That takes a lot of courage in itself. And if she questions you on anything, tell her that she should be proud of you and that both things weren't easy to do. She sounds like she's a good T, so my guess is that everything will be okay

I will say that I learned the hard way that if something actually can't (or shouldn't) wait until a certain date then ask for it not to.

I'm not sure therapy and strong feelings is the best time to be sucking it up - especially if we don't have to.

If you want to talk to your therapist, or find out if she had read the letter, the best way to find out is to ask - or make an appointment and go in.

Just because you said it could wait doesn't mean it HAS to you know?

It's quite funny you posted this because I had a really bad night and called her five minutes ago. Could have seen her today but I need to work, so Friday it is...

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