[ScrewedUpMe]

I decided to take a break from therapy very abruptly 6 weeks ago. I emailed T and said I was taking a break. She was surprised and I think a bit hurt that I hadn't talked to her about it and I was a bit defeatist in my email about things. But we then exchanged some nice emails and T said I could come back whenever I like and that she will always be happy to hear from me. So at Christmas I sent her an email with some photos of my children. Unfortunately I didn't receive her reply so had to nag her and she has now replied. The thing is I miss her and was hugely attached to her. I have been doing okay and the feelings for her have got better whilst I have been seeing a different type of therapist. But I want to see T again because I miss her and she has been like a mum to me, but I am scared of getting back into the same old attachment pattern. Already from just having contact with her, I am yearning to see her. My heart is almost aching to see her. I am so low at the moment and I know she will sympathize and show she cares about me. But I will then become hopelessly attached again. I don't know if she can help me much further with my issues but I miss HER. I need HER.

I know they always talk about closure and taking time to end therapy but I'm wondering if I am someone who just needs to cut off to be okay with it, rather than drag it out and bear the pain of losing the attachment. So do I cut my losses now that I have somewhat lessened the attachment feelings or do I follow my heart and go back? Talk about ending? Just see where it takes me? I don't know what to do!!!

[Leah123]

Did you achieve the goals you set for yourself in therapy with her?

If you didn't, I don't see a good reason not to go back, unless your interaction with her was harmful to you or you were in it, heart and soul, for a long time and didn't make progress.

Attachment is a great sign in psychodynamic therapy. Relationships with attachment enable you to really process deeply, learn, feel safe once the attachment is somewhat secure, not to mention, work through attachment issues. With progress, it lessens to where you both agree you're ready to stop regular appointments, therapists will often allow you to return as needed, too.

[ScrewedUpMe]

Thanks for your reply Leah. We didn't really set any goals for therapy...I have come a long way in the time that I have seen her but certain behaviours I have issues with have not really changed in that whole time and that's why I feel I need something different and that maybe she can't help me any further.

I have heard the same thing you said about how attachment in therapy is supposed to work...I just wonder whether it actually DOES work like that in the end...it's scary to find out.

[Perna]

Losing friends and loved ones to disruptive life events and death is never easy and just deliberately cutting ties is probably not a good habit to practice? Everything we do teaches us something and the way you took your break, without consulting your "partner" taught you something but it was probably not something helpful to you in your future life? If you have a habit of avoiding difficult interactions, you cannot learn how to deal with them by continuing to avoid. It is not cutting one's losses because one is not going far enough to see if there are/would be loss and experience what that is for one with this person, etc. What you feel at the moment is mostly generated in your own head, not from the actual relationship and getting to know and work with this person. Your yearning for your T is not helpful to you but cannot get resolved by just stopping seeing her, you learn that "relationships" are painful that way (and thus keep avoiding) and that they cannot end less than extremely. You do not learn to "let go" and move on with your own life, still yourself and "whole", just to chop/chew that part of your arm off, like it is caught in a trap?