[SoupDragon]

My T asked me lhis question this week and l didn't know what to say beyond him being OK. Just wondered whether others have fed back to their T and how T responded.

By the way my T wasn't fishing for compliments, the question came up in relation to something else.

[stopdog]

I have told the one what I think.
She gets defensive.
It has not come up with the second one.

I would like it if mine asked, but I would never tell the truth. It would sound like:

A) I'm getting obsessed with you

And

B) I think half of what you talk about is a little nutty

[Gabbage]

I have. I told him he was blank, unyielding and pretentious and that I didn't think we were compatible. He said this is the work.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by Clementine K

I would like it if mine asked, but I would never tell the truth. It would sound like:

A) I'm getting obsessed with you

And

B) I think half of what you talk about is a little nutty

LOL !!!

[SeekerOfLife]

My T. has been very helpful to me. I have often told her I am thankful for her; for what she has taught me; for not being judgemental, etc. I gave her a card a while back to thank her for all her help.
Clementine, what did you mean about being obsessed about your T?

[SoupDragon]

Told mine he was an ogre and he said he was delighted!! Think he was referring to my bravery in telling him.

[brillskep]

I've known my T for a long time so there would be much to say.
My first reaction reading your question was that he is the kind of therapist I hope to be. If I had an appropriate moment (like if he were asking me or if it came up in conversation), yes I would tell him that. I think I've already told him in different words, actually.

I see my T as a father figure. I've struggled against it but there it is. And I told him (today, as a matter of fact) that that is how I view him - he asked, so I told him.

[Moodswing]

I sent my T athis New Years Eve email:

I do want to take this time to let you know how grateful I am to have you in my life. You helped me through this year. You have taught me many things even if it was not intentional. Because of you I found strength when I felt weak, you helped me find my compassion when all I felt was contempt. You taught me patience when I felt rushed. You helped me find my humility and be grateful everyday even for the smallest things. You helped me see that friends can come at unexpected times, in much unexpected ways and that it can be ok when things do not work out exactly as need them to.

I hope you have a Great New Year. Scary as mine is going to be it has been enriched knowing you.

[krisakira]

It sounds a bit inappropriate for a T to be asking us what we think of them. They should ask how we think therapy is going for us, and if we find them helpful, but asking what we think of her/him personally? I would not go there with T. Sounds like she/he is trying to make the session about them.

Well, I'm not sure the question was about what we think about them personally - we don't know them personally, after all. (I certainly don't know my T, I don't know what he is like when he's shed his T persona.)
In some types of therapy, the therapeutic relationship is part of what the therapy is. In such a therapy, it could be very much on topic for the client to tell the T about their feelings for the T.

[krisakira]

Interesting. I have never had a T care so much about our relationship with each other. It has been more about, "here are my problems, what can i do to fix them?" approach. Ts never really cared about my own feelings about them... is that bad? Do i have cold hearted Ts?

We've agreed that we're both extremely stubborn. I don't think we've ever had quite the discussion you mention, but he's pretty aware that I think he's good people, and I am ever grateful for his help. We have a mutual admiration society.

Originally Posted by krisakira

Interesting. I have never had a T care so much about our relationship with each other. It has been more about, "here are my problems, what can i do to fix them?" approach. Ts never really cared about my own feelings about them... is that bad? Do i have cold hearted Ts?

There's no reason to think so, unless you experienced them as cold hearted. Different Ts have different approaches.

I don't think my T cares that much about what I think about him, as such, but to take an example from my own therapy, the fact that I'm constantly worried that he'll disapprove of me 1) makes it difficult for me to be open and honest, which impacts my therapy, and 2) tells him something about my difficulties in my real life, so it's important that he's aware of that.

I agree that if the sessions became mostly about what I think about T, or if it felt at all as if T was asking these questions in order to gratify his own ego, it would be a bit of a red flag.

[BlessedRhiannon]

I often give my T feedback, especially on what is or isn't working for me.

I respect my T and appreciate her insights. I've told her this several times. Sometimes, I really hate how insightful she is...and I've told her that too!!!

[A Red Panda]

I think of my T as like a coworker in a way. Probably because I'm friends with one of his coworkers, and work with one of his old coworkers. haha.

I think that my T is the opposite of my brother. My T can give off the vibe of being a bit of a jerk, but inside he's quite kind and wouldn't intend to upset someone. I also think that he has a slightly mean sense of humour, but that I think he means it in a self-insulting way. I respect him and think that he is good at his job.

And if it came up, I would be honest and tell him that.

[coltranefanatic]

After today? I see my T as my personal trainer. Someone I force myself to see for 50 minutes to kick my ***.

[Mike_J]

My therapist knows exactly what I think of her, I have told her often enough.

She seems a bit embarrassed and flattered, I have nothing but VERY good thoughts about her

[Leah123]

Oh yes, I've told my therapist what I think of our work together, her approach, areas for improvement, and her as a person (to the extent I know her of course, which isn't fully, but she's disclosed some key things as well as our day to day happenings, hobbies, etc.)

I'd say 90% of those conversations are positive: I think very highly of her personally and professionally. However, I do also honestly address my concerns and questions with her: I don't think I could do therapy holding them back, we're in a relationship-oriented healing relationship.

I have told her:

1. She's attractive
2. She's a bit naggy
3. She misunderstands me
4. She's a nice person, intelligent, but a bit too trusting

And various other things I can't think of at the moment.

[willowbrook]

My Pdoc is the best Psychiatrist I've had in more than 20 years, and the only Psychiatrist I've ever been able to fully trust and work with. And I've told him that, because I wanted him to know what a great job he was doing.

I think she is the best, she's funny, smart, stylish and nice

I want her to adopt me.

[Freewilled]

I told my T that I don't like it when he gives me positive feedback when I tell him about the good things going on in my life. So then he told me I could tell him positive things and he wouldn't give me the feedback, if I wanted. But then when I told him about some positive things that have happened lately, he didn't say anything back so I was like, "well I don't like that either!" LOL

But then I also told him that he is too blank-slatey for me (Well he asked me to be blunt) but he didn't offer to change that one /:

We do very much have a relationship-oriented therapy. I appreciate his willingness to ask for and give feedback. As uncomfortable as it gets, I think it's what I truly need.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I actually had to do an assignment about this last week. I'm stuck with my T atm, so I had to define my ideal version of her, the devalued version of her, and who she is realistically. Ideal was easy. Devauled was easy. Positive reality was easy. Realistic flaws...difficult. My T actually had to come up with most of her own flaws...lol.

Sadly...I'm still stuck with my T...and I hated that assignment. But I learned some new things about my T