[Mactastic]

I hate that I lie to him, but I do . I've told 2 lies that I can think of.

First, I lied by telling him I hated therapy and he made me uncomfortable and I wanted to quit because it felt too vulnerable. All a lie. The truth is I look forward to all my sessions (even though it can be uncomfortable) and I wanted to quit because I was developing feelings/an attachment/transference and I was scared.

The other lie was a lie by omission. He doesn't know I once looked him up on Facebook. I wanted to know if he was married. We did have one talk where I admitted that during our first session I had glanced for a wedding ring but had since (truthfully ) I had come to terms with understanding the Blank Slate is a good thing (even if it hurts.)

So what lies have you told your therapist?

[Hoppery]

That I'm okay
That I don't SI

I would like to say that looking up someone on Facebook isn't what Id call lying! It's social media and available to the masses. I'm not a fan of a completely blank slate, so marital status to me isn't a big deal. It's normal social curiosity to want to know if someone is married! Frankly the huge withholding game Ts play create the uneasiness that drives many of us to look up basic information (I'm not talking stalker-ish stuff). I would never admit to it though, and ditto on transference

On that, I haven't lied to T yet but with enough time it's bound to happen

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by Clementine K

It's normal social curiosity to want to know if someone is married!

Even though my T doesn't know I Facebooked him, he still said the same thing - it's natural to want to know and I'm beating myself up for nothing (I told him I felt guilty for looking for a ring.)

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

Even though my T doesn't know I Facebooked him, he still said the same thing - it's natural to want to know and I'm beating myself up for nothing (I told him I felt guilty for looking for a ring.)

I actually asked my new Therapist today (at our first session together) if she was married or not and she told me that she was married and even showed me the ring on her finger.

[Freewilled]

I told my T something that was very obviously traumatic for me, that it was NOT traumatic and I'm sorry that I did that....it's only hurt me and the therapy process itself...

I do agree that the blank slate approach contributes to my difficulty with opening up to my T. I told him that recently but he's still mr. Neutral for the most part. He must feel its important as he told me it's "intentional." /:

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I told my T something that was very obviously traumatic for me was NOT traumatic and I'm sorry that I did that....it's only hurt me and the therapy process itself...

I do agree that the blank slate approach contributes to my difficulty with opening up to my T. I told him that recently but he's still mr. Neutral for the most part. He must feel its important as he told me it's "intentional." /:

Have you considered "coming clean"

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

Have you considered "coming clean"

I've thought about it....I really should. It was so long ago and the lie actually contributed so much to the difficulties we have both had throughout this therapy stuff. I mean, I feel bad. He could've helped me - he had some techniques he wanted us to try but I refused to admit it was a problem ): so now it's like how to go back and say, " soooo yeah. That thing we talked about that I said wasn't a big deal? Well you were right and it's impacted everything and now can you help me?" Idk....I think he'd be so frustrated with me for letting this all go on for so long. Maybe I'm just too prideful and stubborn. But I might tell him tomorrow.

[Elektra_]

i never lie... the point of going there is to be open and honest about everything. otherwise they wont be able to help u. and i dont consider lying when u omit something. tc

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I've thought about it....I really should. It was so long ago and the lie actually contributed so much to the difficulties we have both had throughout this therapy stuff. I mean, I feel bad. He could've helped me - he had some techniques he wanted us to try but I refused to admit it was a problem ): so now it's like how to go back and say, " soooo yeah. That thing we talked about that I said wasn't a big deal? Well you were right and it's impacted everything and now can you help me?" Idk....I think he'd be so frustrated with me for letting this all go on for so long. Maybe I'm just too prideful and stubborn. But I might tell him tomorrow.

I think you should tell him. It won't be the first time a client has had the "oh by the way" conversation. I'm sure people omit things all the time because they are scared or ashamed.

[sweepy62]

What does the blank slate mean?

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

What does the blank slate mean?

That we don't know anything about our T's because apparently we can learn about ourselves from the projections we transfer onto out therapists.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

That we don't know anything about our T's because apparently we can learn about ourselves from the projections we transfer onto out therapists.

Oh ok thanks for the fast reply, isnt that so frustrating, my t has disclosed some stuff.

[Canyon]

I told a BIG one the last time I saw him. I said that I would be okay to go home and not be hospitalized, that I had no plan to harm myself, and that I would contact him or the crisis line if I did start to make a plan. I had a plan when I told him those things. I went home and took a massive OD and ended up in a coma. Of course he now knows that I lied. I will see him Monday for the first time since.

[The_little_didgee]

I lied in the past because I was desperate to be heard. After that I was diagnosed with problems that I did not even have. Eventually it lead to a misdiagnosis. After that I decided to never lie about my "symptoms" and my history.

[A Red Panda]

I don't really lie perse, but I don't always give a full answer. Sometimes it's because I can't think of the words. other times it's because I don't want to talk about it more. Sometimes it's embarassment.

Although I did opt to not tell him about a second OD that I had when I freaked out about the general doctors being able to open all my mental health files. He asked too - guess he had a hunch about it. Only just thought of that now. I lied and said "nope, not since last time."

[looking4polaris]

I've given false answers, refused to answer, omitted, avoided, denied, exaggerated, minimized, etc. Sometimes T knows and inquires about it immediately. Sometimes I fess up, anywhere from right after to years later. Some lies go unacknowledged by either of us...for now.

T's reaction is always acceptance, curiosity and encouragement. For him, it's just another opportunity to explore or another bit of me to work with. The truth itself is secondary. It's a safe space for lying and for figuring out.

I know I posted this quote in another thread recently, but I've always liked it. It's from an interesting book on lying and therapy called Lying, Cheating and Carrying-on.
"Each lie is a cavern of a wishful fantasy and an attempt to ward-off a dreaded imaginary scenario." - Salman Akhtar

[SoupDragon]

We talked about truthfulness once and my T told me that he knew l would be as truthful as I could be. That to me suggested that T knew that sometimes it can be hard to be 100% transparent and that that is OK and part of the process.

[Daeva]

"I'm okay." "I'm doing good." "Yes I understand." "I love you."

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

I think you should tell him. It won't be the first time a client has had the "oh by the way" conversation. I'm sure people omit things all the time because they are scared or ashamed.

Well I told him and said I was sorry - thanks so much for the push to do so. I know I wouldn't have had I not talked it through on here. He was very understanding and said he supposed at the time, that I wasn't ready to label it as traumatic (or something to that effect).

I try to tell my t that i am fine/ that i am not upset about something. She doesnt buy it. She knows me too well. I always try anyway, cuz i like to deny my feelings

I'm pretty darned honest with my pdoc and therapist. They would detect deception from me in a heartbeat anyway. I blush and get nervous and make it pretty clear that something is bothering me, so they'd call me out on it. I'm not much of a poker face.

I've just learned that when it comes to therapy, if I'm going to spend this much money, it would be such a waste of finances to lie. Might as well cut to the chase and deal with things head on. We're gonna get there eventually anyway.

[coltranefanatic]

I don't lie to my T. Maybe that's the problem.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't really lie to my T. The only lie I ever tell her is when she starts session by asking me how I'm doing. I'll either say "fine" or "okay", and she'll ask if that's a lie or will simply tell me "B.S." I then explain that I never know whether it's small talk, or actually wanting to know how I'm doing. BUT...if I use "fine", I explain to her that there are multiple meanings for "fine". I just haven't explained to her what my definition actually is

[Amandasmom]

I have lied to her - about SI etc but then in the next session or by email I tell her the truth. The only omission is my transference feeling towards her as I'm afraid to tell her that.