Wrong Dates

I was interested in people's ideas on something my t sent to me in an email.

Last session she reminded me we had one more session and then I would be missing two as she was away. I was completely surprised as she had given me a list of holidays dates previously and I was only missing one session so I hadn't panicked. Anyway I have such a bad memory I presumed that I had misread it. To cut a long story short I had a rubbish session as I was panicked about the break but didn't want to say. I got home and checked dates and I did have them right. I emailed t who apologised and said they were wrong. Problem is this has happened to me last year as well. I kind of think why bother giving me sheet of dates if every year they are wrong. Anyway her email included this phrase.

"I am also interested in how come this happened with us a second time, when in my mind I had checked and doublechecked the dates. I am wondering what there is in this for us both."

We will have to discuss this in the next session which will now be the last before a longish break. What do you think she means by this?

I think i am like a lot of people here who find things difficult when a t goes away. I am looking forward to being in a place where I can enjoy the break, but right now I am just scared stiff that it is twice as long as she told me and I was very unprepared.

I think she is owning at least half of it which is a good sign. If the problem really is she did the dates wrong, which is verifiable from the sheet, then it should have been "I wonder why I do that. I will consider that. I'm sorry." Maybe I'm missing something, but I'm not seeing that there's anything in it for you. You aren't misreading her dates that she prepares and gives to you.

Maybe your part is why this is difficult - which doesn't seem like a puzzler to me, but I suppose each person has a different story.

I think her comment...

"I am also interested in how come this happened with us a second time, when in my mind I had checked and doublechecked the dates. I am wondering what there is in this for us both."

.....is saying that....

1. She's acknolwedging the mistake and honestly saying she doesn't understand how it happened
2. She is looking to disclose how this mistake has affected you both
3. My assumption is that she is looking to discuss how she will make changes to ensure it doesn't happen again and she would like to discuss how her mistake affected you.

Maybe she's replying to stg in your mail and not the wrong dates situation? Otherwise I too fail to see what's in it for you...

I think she may be wondering if something is being re enacted (unconsciously) between you, something about your past being replayed. I think she is considering what her part is in that - for a second time she has been 'careless' with the dates. It could be very useful to understand this together.

Moon

I am unclear - she gave you the wrong date, dates she had written down, and somehow some part of it is your fault or you had some part in it? That would really piss me off at the therapist.

I'm not sure why it would be specifically about you and her. Presumably she gives the same sheet of vacation dates to all her clients. You must not have been the only one who got the dates wrong if she gave the same incorrect dates to all. I'm not sure why she just doesn't chalk it up to an error she made when she prepared her list of vacation dates for her clients. With all the hassle this must cause her, hopefully she will be more careful in the future.

I am a little confused. Is she saying that this isn't happening with other clients. Last time I was the only one affected and it seems, by her email, to be the same this time. I appreciate her honesty in saying that there seems to be something going on subconsciously here, but I'm not sure how this is something I am doing. Yes, it feeds into my belief people can't be trusted. You always get let down somehow, but surely she needs to take ownership of this? The annoying thing is it really doesn't matter. The crux of the matter is she is away now for 2 sessions and this will not affect her at all. I am the one left picking up the pieces and coping on my own with little warning. I know I will cope but just after a long break at Christmas it is a real worry.

Sunrise, in answer to your question, last time it turned out she had given me different dates to other clients! I took it to be a one off, but by her answer and the fact I am her last client on Friday and I don't think anyone else had commented it looks like there is slightly more to it.

I think she is taking at least half of the ownership and is curious as to how and why it has happened with you. It is not that you are untrustworthy and she is not untrustworthy. Please don't blame yourself for this as it is something in the dynamic between you two. I think it is something that you both need to discuss and I hear an invitation in there from her for you to talk about it next session.
I think she is as surprised as you that it is the second time it has happened. Something similar happened to me with my last t. She forgot about my sessions twice and I of course felt abandoned and unimportant- something I always feel around other people. T wondered how it had happened and she said that she did care and was important to her and in fact she was concentrating on me too much and so much so that it was to my detriment because she was so focused on what we had discussed that she forgot to write my next appt in her diary. Do you think something could have distracted her whilst she was scheduling your next date?

I don't think so as she gave me the dates back in November. She always gives out dates for the following year each November. The first year all was fine but then the next two she has somehow messed up mine and seemingly mine alone! Bizarre. Trying not to let my mind read anything into it apart from just mistake, but she seems more interested which is a tad confusing

I'm with stopdog on this. I fail to see how you have any part in it. Her mistake. Its not a big one as far as I'm concerned as these things happen but its her responsibility and she needs to own it.

I totally agree with you. I wonder if the T meant that in addition to her mistake, she wanted to discuss the impact it was having on wL - not blaming, juar compassion and attention to how it affected Willowleaf?

Yes I would hope so. I just don't think the T has worded it well.