[Yearning0723]

I see T once a week and sessions are 50 minutes, and I find that I never have enough time to say all the things I want to say (and I talk REALLY fast too!). It's just frustrating because we can only focus on one thing a session, and that means sometimes we'll spend three weeks talking about childhood stuff when other stuff is going on in other areas of my life in the present and I want to talk about that, but if I only talked about that I'd never have time for the deeper work.

I do sometimes set out a time limit for talking about one specific thing and tell T to stop me after 20 minutes or whatever so we can get to other things, but when I talk about more than one thing it always seems superficial. 50 minutes doesn't seem like enough to do the work I need to do! Any suggestions for being more strategic and getting more things accomplished?

[Mactastic]

Are emails an option? I email about twice a week. He doesn't respond more than to give some encouragement or to say he received it, but they really, really help. Sometimes it's enough for me to just talk about it in writing or at the very least I know he's aware of it for later. I understand the feeling, though!

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[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

Are emails an option? I email about twice a week. He doesn't respond more than to give some encouragement or to say he received it, but they really, really help. Sometimes it's enough for me to just talk about it in writing or at the very least I know he's aware of it for later. I understand the feeling, though!

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Emails are most definitely NOT an option. *sigh*

[Yearning0723]

The thing is, I like to tell her about all the progress I'm making and all the good stuff I'm doing that's out of my comfort zone, and I think that's helpful in a way, but there's also all this stuff going on right now, and all the stuff in the past, and then we switch a lot from talking about family/friends/future/past in a session, and it just feels like there's never enough time to do it all. There are huge chunks of my life T just plain doesn't know about it, like struggles with food or around sexual orientation (both of which we've talked a little about, but not a lot) simply because there's no time to get to all of it, and if I have a choice between discussing debilitating anxiety and a mostly-in-remission eating disorder, obviously I'll choose the anxiety.

[sweepy62]

I have 60 minutes and that extra ten really helps I usually talk about 2 topics that are light. If its a deep topic then it's one topic for that one session.

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[Leah123]

I don't believe you can do therapy much more efficiently, and I fear talking faster to squeeze everything in might not give you the time you need to process the significant things about which your talking.

Two suggestions:

The easier one is to write a letter and have her read it at the start of each session. Have it cover everything you want to talk about so she can go from beginning to end. This can help you open up a bit more emotionally before the start of the session so you're ready for processing and give her something more concrete and faster to process than the spoken word. I do that sometimes, it's basically a way of extending the therapy because I start before she does- I start when I write.

The second suggestion, which I recommend highly if at all possible is to see her twice per week, or to get a double 90 minute session instead of 50.

In lieu of those, or even along with those, try to remind yourself that therapy doesn't have to happen in a rush or on a timeline, you and she can hopefully work together as long as it takes to talk everything out, there is time.

I've struggled with this issue too, and the above things have helped, hope they help you too.

[Asiablue]

I used to feel the same way in therapy, completely overwhelmed with the amount of crap going on in my head, trying to bring therapists up to speed with 30 years of life with just 1hr per week. Impossible.
It does settle down, that need to verbally vomit up everything. Eventually you settle into a rhythm.

My T has given me 1hr 15min sessions cos the 1hour just wasn't enough and that extra 15 mins just seemed to bring things to a natural closing and i am finding that i leave feeling calmer.

Leah had some good options for you to think about too.

[Favorite Jeans]

I agree with Asia.

Also I've found with time that I'm better able to figure out what I COULD talk about vs. what I NEED to talk about. I sometimes choose things that don't feel so urgent when I want a lighter session. Sometimes they lead to heavier things and sometimes the session is just an easier one.

It helps me to write in a journal about what I feel that I'd like to tell T in that moment. I end up doing a lot of the work on my own.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

I agree with Asia.

Also I've found with time that I'm better able to figure out what I COULD talk about vs. what I NEED to talk about. I sometimes choose things that don't feel so urgent when I want a lighter session. Sometimes they lead to heavier things and sometimes the session is just an easier one.

It helps me to write in a journal about what I feel that I'd like to tell T in that moment. I end up doing a lot of the work on my own.

yeah i a lot of work on my own too journalling and blogging my experiences in therapy and just thinking ALL THE TIME . I would say 80% of the therapy work is done outside the session.

[Rzay4]

I agree with asking for a longer session and/or journaling. I have done and it's works wonders. I currently have 60 minutes and that really helps plus bi weekly group therapy for ninety minutes. So between the two have a lot to talk about and listen to.

[refika]

OMG this is SO me in therapy! Many times I'll go in and start off saying how I have so much to say and don't know how to prioritize it, and then get mad when time runs out. I told T Friday that if I could I'd stay in his office 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. LOL

What T keeps telling me is that I have to learn patience with myself and the process, and that everything will be covered in due time. Yes, there are still things about my past and childhood T doesn't know that I want to talk about, but then there are "hot" issues of what's been going on in my daily life that I don't really want to talk about but need to so I can heal.

What I've learned to do is what T keeps telling me to do - "Trust the Process". I just talk about whatever is on the tip of my tongue at that moment and let the hour flow wherever. Oftentimes I find that those result in my most productive sessions. Sometimes, like Friday, I just started rambling about work and a coworker, nothing really major, just some griping like I would tell a friend. Next thing I know, T is pointing out the connection between that and my past and we got into some really deep stuff. It took me by surprise because the issue with the coworker wasn't "that" big of a deal, just normal griping.

So, my suggestion is to trust that you'll have as much time with T as you need going forward (i.e., once a week for however long you need) and relax during each session and not worry about trying to cover it all. Just talk about what's most pressing. Everything else will come up in time...

[photostotake]

For me, I bring in a list of pressing topics I want to talk about that week and show it to T at the beginning. He reads it over and asks me which I think is most important and that's where we start. He then brings up another topic off of my list when he thinks it is necessary and we go from there. Really helps when we only have 45 minutes and he appreciates when I have the list as I can get quite overwhelmed in session and forget what I came in for.

While we may not get to everything on my list, it also gives my T a good idea what's going on with me. Especially since he doesn't allow any outside contact.

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[BlessedRhiannon]

When I feel like I have a lot of things going on that all need attention, I make a list and bring it with me. Then, I read that list off to T and we prioritize it together. We'll negotiate how much time to spend on each topic and then T helps me keep to that plan. I also tell her which topics feel less urgent than others - sometimes, she disagrees with me about the urgency of stuff, because I will say something is less urgent if I'm just really scared to talk about it. At the end of the session, if we didn't get through my list, she'll ask me what I want to start with next time.

I also do a ton of journaling in between sessions, which helps me to prioritize. Sometimes, just writing something out is enough and that topic no longer feels like it needs to be discussed as much. I might just mention it to T, but not spend a lot of time on it.

I've found that things will unfold in their own time. It's taken me 4 years to talk about my disordered eating, but since that wasn't as pressing of a concern as other things, that's okay. We're working on it now. If I jump from topic to topic too much in session, I feel too scattered, so I try to stick to just one or two things and work them through to a natural end and then move on. If I'm starting to panic about talking about something, I'll switch to a different topic for a bit. Also, I typically spend the first 10 minutes of session talking about any immediate, pressing concerns, and then we move on from there.

I've thought about asking for more frequent/longer sessions, but I can't really afford it.

[SeekerOfLife]

I have the same problem. I keep a notebook of the things I want to discuss. I never get them all done at a session. Each session I decide what is most important for me to work on. She goes with the flow.