[HazelGirl]

At my appointment yesterday, my T mentioned that she is going to be getting a second job on top of her private practice, and that she's trying to get it to work around her current hours.

But I'm worried now that she will find one and that she won't have time to see me anymore. She didn't make any indication that would happen and she even said she was especially trying to keep Mondays (my day) open. But that doesn't help me relax at all. I know I'm being ridiculous, but it doesn't change that I am so worried about that and scared she will have to give me up as a patient.

Ugh! Three months ago, I would have shrugged my shoulders and not cared at all. But now I can't handle that idea.

[Leah123]

I absolutely don't think you're being ridiculous! Your concern is sensible and your feelings are valid. I encourage you to ask her the question directly: "Will you still have enough time for me, will we still have my regular time, are you sure you'll be able to keep seeing me long term" etc.

Therapy's all about helping you be better, which means honesty and trust. I hope you can trust her to be honest about your worry and let her address it to help you feel a bit better.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Leah123

I absolutely don't think you're being ridiculous! Your concern is sensible and your feelings are valid. I encourage you to ask her the question directly: "Will you still have enough time for me, will we still have my regular time, are you sure you'll be able to keep seeing me long term" etc.

Therapy's all about helping you be better, which means honesty and trust. I hope you can trust her to be honest about your worry and let her address it to help you feel a bit better.

I don't know that she knows the answer to that for sure yet. She made it clear that Monday was the day she was really working to make sure was free. I don't know that she can give much more of a reassurance than she has at this point. But I also know her bills and life are obviously more important than me and if she absolutely had to eliminate Mondays, she would.

I'm just scared because I have just gotten to the point where I trust her with so much more than anyone, and I don't know how I will be able to handle it if she leaves. I can't do all this over again. It's all my abandonment and rejection fears yelling at me that they were right and she is just as unreliable as everyone else, and why did I trust her when I knew this could happen, and what am I going to do now? Basically, my mind is going crazy with fear.

[IndestructibleGirl]

You're not being ridiculous! It sounds like she will do her utmost to keep your Monday time available, but would you be able to be flexible about seeing her on other days (evenings? weekends? ask her what else might be possible) if needs be? Might make you feel calmer if you feel you have options?

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

You're not being ridiculous! It sounds like she will do her utmost to keep your Monday time available, but would you be able to be flexible about seeing her on other days (evenings? weekends? ask her what else might be possible) if needs be? Might make you feel calmer if you feel you have options?

Yes, I am totally flexible. I am just freaking out is all. Like I said, it's pretty ridiculous. I know I can make it work, but there's this thought in my head of "What if..." and that's what's stressing me out so much.

[Rapunzel]

The feeling itself is important, and is worth talking to your T about. Even though you understand that she is doing her best to make sure that she can still see you on Mondays, and you would adjust to seeing her on another day, you still feel pretty stressed thinking that you might lose her. That sounds like a powerful attachment, which is part of how therapy works. It sounds like you are important to her and I'm sure that she will make sure that she is able to still work with her. The important thing here is how you feel.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

The feeling itself is important, and is worth talking to your T about. Even though you understand that she is doing her best to make sure that she can still see you on Mondays, and you would adjust to seeing her on another day, you still feel pretty stressed thinking that you might lose her. That sounds like a powerful attachment, which is part of how therapy works. It sounds like you are important to her and I'm sure that she will make sure that she is able to still work with her. The important thing here is how you feel.

All of the above are things I have mentioned previously, but don't want to admit to fully. This situation is making it all more acute. Attachment? Who, me? Definitely not. I'm fine. Nothing to see here. (Think she believes it? Me, neither. *Sigh*) I guess I just don't know what to say. It just seems so selfish and immature.

[Rapunzel]

It isn't selfish or immature though. It is a normal part of therapy. Your T can help you to understand it better and feel better about it.

[PeeJay]

I'm sorry! I think this is concern is valid and not childish at all.

You fear losing your T, and of course you do.

That would be a significant loss in your life because your T is important to you. And now T's outside life is disrupting your therapy.

I thought the whole point of the T's responsibility is to be steady and consistent, especially for people who have never had that.

The disruption is disturbing.

I hope you two can discuss it and that it works out well for you both!

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

It isn't selfish or immature though. It is a normal part of therapy. Your T can help you to understand it better and feel better about it.

I know I need to bring it up. It's obvious that it is troubling me. It's just...I always get reassurances from her that she isn't going anywhere. And yet I still can't manage to trust that. I keep falling back into the fear that she will eventually get tired of me and want to leave me. It just never ends. She is ridiculously patient and is certain to understand. I just hate that every little thing opens up a whole can of worms, and that it's a never-ending cycle of things bringing up feelings and reactions. It's exhausting.

Originally Posted by PeeJay

I'm sorry! I think this is concern is valid and not childish at all.

You fear losing your T, and of course you do.

That would be a significant loss in your life because your T is important to you. And now T's outside life is disrupting your therapy.

I thought the whole point of the T's responsibility is to be steady and consistent, especially for people who have never had that.

The disruption is disturbing.

I hope you two can discuss it and that it works out well for you both!

I think she told me as a "just in case" thing. So that if she did end up having to move my appointment time, I would have been forewarned. In that way, this is a type of consistency. I am being told about potential changes long before they happen and am not just being jerked around in regards to this type of thing. It would be a terrifying and overwhelming loss at the moment. I just need to bring it up and allow myself to be honest, even though it would mean being honest about how her leaving would affect me, in the highly unlikely event it would happen.

[HazelGirl]

I sent her a message about how I was feeling (which is always so scary despite the fact that she has never responded in a less than helpful way), and she explained some more and reassured me that she wasn't going anywhere. So I feel a little better (but strangely upset and a little foolish...I guess upset because of the fear and the relief that my fear wasn't reality?).

[sweepy62]

That's good I would have been very panicky myself.

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[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

That's good I would have been very panicky myself.

I was very panicky. I get so easily scared that I am going to be abandoned. It's a huge fear of mine, so every little change (or threat of a change) causes me to freak out.