Suppressing the need only makes it worse

I have this need for close relationships with adults. I have always had this need. It used to be incredibly maternal in nature, but these days it's more like having a mentor maybe, someone to guide you and care for you and validate you. I've spent my whole life attaching to adults in this way, which usually ruined those relationships. I have literally had about ten "mother figures" when I was a kid/teenager who stuck around for awhile and then left. And I feel like it's happening again with someone who is surprisingly not T but an instructor at my school.

I think this need is a normal need to have, and most kids get it filled by their parents, but mine have never been able to do that for me. I don't think I can ever make this need go away. When I try to deny myself the closeness that I want, it just gets worse and I end up super anxious/sad. Having these relationships keeps me grounded, in a way.

T says there's nothing intrinsically wrong with it as long as the other person is fine with it and I'm being open and honest with her and respecting her boundaries, and she is and I am. I don't know what else I can do. Not having these relationships makes everything seem so meaningless and the need gets worse and I turn to fantasies of this perfect adult who will be there for me, and that just makes things even worse. I can't get rid of it. I've tried for years. Denying myself what I need won't actually solve the problem. But I'm scared I'm just feeding the beast...

((Yearning))

I'm still waiting for the Perfect Mother to come and claim me.
Where are you, Mum?

With this most recent "grown up figure", she's not exactly "mother" - not at all, really. So, progress? She's more like "adult in my life who is incredibly kind to me."

Does this ever go away? This need? I feel like damaged goods.....my T can't fill it and like you said, denying the need only works for so long but feeding it can feel like it's still a bottomless pit that won't be filled. It only drains the other person. Is that what you mean?

Can you be this person for yourself? I think that's eventually the solution you want to shoot towards. You can fulfill that need because you are an adult, and then you can have equal relationships with other adults. At least, I hope that's how this works because I can totally relate. I have very few friends. Mostly, I have those who mentor me and those whom I mentor. Very little other than that. But hopefully eventually I will have equal relationships with other adults.

Exactly, exactly, EXACTLY this. I have hope that maybe it can be fed a little bit...but I'm still scared that eventually I'll do something to ruin it. These relationships have never ended well, but I'm a grownup now, and the need has gotten smaller, albeit only slightly. So maybe filling it partly with someone else and partly myself might help? I don't know...it's not like I have much of a choice.

I'm not draining her YET and T says it's her job to articulate her own boundaries, not mine, and thus far when she's set out a boundary I've followed it...and she knows her own limits better than I do...but still this guilt.

I have equal relationships with friends who are my age, and they're wonderful, but they can't fill that need. They just can't. No matter how wonderful and supportive my friends are, no matter how much they're there for me, no matter how much they listen to me and love me and accept me just the way I am, it's a completely different need. Even with this wonderful, amazing support system of my peers, it's not enough. You can't fit a square peg into a round hole.

The best preparation for adulthood is to live fully as a child. That's what I'm shooting for.

I have the same problem, and it sooooooooooooo bad for me. I'm currently pursing an academic career and have already ruined at least one letter of recommendation because of this terrible obsession. The whole thing is career suicide via mother longing/major, major abandonment issues. I really hope that I can find a new T that can help me.

Do you think that's possible to do in adulthood?

Michael Jackson did.
Bad example...

Yeah, MJ is NOT someone who I want to emulate.