[Gavinandnikki]

If you have been in therapy for more than 1 year AND are NOT emotionally attached to your therapist, why do you go to therapy?

Just very curious.

[granite1]

I have been in T for 4 years . my T said that it will take as long as it takes . I don't particularly feel attached to her but I do accept that I do trust her more then I did. I go to therapy to hopefully be able to live life with feeling and just have it be better

[Mactastic]

I can't fathom not getting attached. Sure, I have some (pretty major) trust issues but I got attached within a few months. Sorry I can't answer your question, just chiming in that I can't understand....

[HazelGirl]

It took me over a year and a half to start feeling attached. It just depends on the person.

I guess I'm "attached" in a very secure way. (Not a fan of the term "attached") Not in a stressful, upsetting way. No transference issues, etc. Just a healthy, respectful, working relationship. I go to therapy because it works, I make progress, I continue to move forward.

[ResaLock]

Are we supposed to be attached? Personally I think the whole attachment thing is just an illusion. Of course many are attached and love their therapist. ...but I think people should get real honest with themselves and face reality about it.

Fact is, if you ran into your T when they were among their friends or family. don't ever think they would consider you there equal.
In reality, as little as they give to you in therapy which may be even more than anybody even your own circle of friends. They actually think you should pay them half your pay check just to talk to them. ...and I am sure their own friends that doesn't have to pay for their words, will get more close to them then you ever will.

Excuse me, but I think therapy should be honest and stop pulling people along.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by ResaLock

Are we supposed to be attached? Personally I think the whole attachment thing is just an illusion. Of course many are attached and love their therapist. ...but I think people should get real honest with themselves and face reality about it.

Fact is, if you ran into your T when they were among their friends or family. don't ever think they would consider you there equal.
In reality, as little as they give to you in therapy which may be even more than anybody even your own circle of friends. They actually think you should pay them half your pay check just to talk to them. ...and I am sure their own friends that doesn't have to pay for their words, will get more close to them then you ever will.

Excuse me, but I think therapy should be honest and stop pulling people along.

I am sorry that has been your experience. Mine is blessedly different. I was attached first to a high school counselor. She helped me through a painful year, empowered me, cared for me, validated me. That was about 23 years ago.

That attachment has stood the test of time for 23 years. Our attachment was an amazing pivot point in my life, nothing more real in my 37 years on the planet.

Attachment really isn't such an odd concept. Humans are social animals, attachment is necessary and natural for our species. Therapy can just bring that to a deeper level, particularly for folks like me who didn't get good enough attachment from our parents.

Regarding some of your specific points, therapists have to pay their bills, like we do, so yes, they charge. But many do pro bono work and many lower or eliminate fees for long term clients in need. Regarding equality, no doubt in my mind ever that I am my current therapist's equal and that her caring for me is not restricted to our paid sessions. I've had much evidence of that.

*********
Back to the original post: I did once do therapy for two years without being attached, and it was because I was suffering PTSD symptoms and needed relief: nightmares, dissociation, anxiety, etc. but... without the attachment, those two years were not very productive, and I finally gave up. I returned to therapy 19 years later and the attachment makes 1000% difference.

[feralkittymom]

I'm not sure that length of time in therapy and attachment are necessarily related. And some bring issues to therapy that involve attachment, and some don't. I don't think attachment implies anything about the depth or effectiveness or worth of the experience.

Originally Posted by ResaLock

Are we supposed to be attached? Personally I think the whole attachment thing is just an illusion. Of course many are attached and love their therapist. ...but I think people should get real honest with themselves and face reality about it.

Fact is, if you ran into your T when they were among their friends or family. don't ever think they would consider you there equal.
In reality, as little as they give to you in therapy which may be even more than anybody even your own circle of friends. They actually think you should pay them half your pay check just to talk to them. ...and I am sure their own friends that doesn't have to pay for their words, will get more close to them then you ever will.

Excuse me, but I think therapy should be honest and stop pulling people along.

I'm sorry that you've had a bad experience, but I don't think it's accurate to generalize about whether or not other people are being "real" about their T relationships based on that.

[willowbrook]

I've been seeing my Pdoc for three years, and because of past therapy abuse issues it took me 2 and a half years to fully trust him. Although I was still getting something out of the therapeutic process before that, my constant doubts were getting in the way of feeling like I was making real progress. Now that he has my complete trust I feel like we can really start moving forward together in a therapeutic collaboration.

As for attachment, I honestly don't know. I view attachment as being either romantic or maternal/paternal, and I don't feel either of those things for my Pdoc. I like him as a Pdoc/T, I like him as a person from the little he reveals of himself within the confines of therapy, I enjoy seeing him in session and think fondly of him as a Physician, but I don't know if that means I'm 'attached' to him or not.

[Freewilled]

I've been in therapy for about one year now....I think everyone forms some kind of attachment to their T at this point. I know for sure mine is not secure, but most likely ambivalent or disorganized.

I have a very push-pull relationship with him, although it's more push than anything else. I go to therapy because my problems are causing me to despair. I don't know what else to do. It just so happens that my stupid relational issues are making it so hard to get help for the other stuff. Maybe it's all related? Idk.....I hold out hope I will be able to break through this.

I would love to have a close, secure attachment with my T because he can be so warm, caring and safe. For whatever reason though my automatic reaction to feeling loved or cared about is to detach and push away. It's more than just move toward my T even though I don't feel like it. It's more like I don't control my feelings - even when I force myself to go against every fiber of my being and to trust the relationship - it's like I'm frozen. I don't know how else to describe it. Sure is exhausting....

[ResaLock]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I'm not sure that length of time in therapy and attachment are necessarily related. And some bring issues to therapy that involve attachment, and some don't. I don't think attachment implies anything about the depth or effectiveness or worth of the experience.



I'm sorry that you've had a bad experience, but I don't think it's accurate to generalize about whether or not other people are being "real" about their T relationships based on that.

I'm just saying...respectfully. I think you may of not read all of what I wrote or did not perceive it correctly. I'm just letting you know I did not generalize or make any of those claims, you claimed I was saying. It might be helpful to reread it.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by ResaLock

Are we supposed to be attached? Personally I think the whole attachment thing is just an illusion. Of course many are attached and love their therapist. ...but I think people should get real honest with themselves and face reality about it.

Fact is, if you ran into your T when they were among their friends or family. don't ever think they would consider you there equal.
In reality, as little as they give to you in therapy which may be even more than anybody even your own circle of friends. They actually think you should pay them half your pay check just to talk to them. ...and I am sure their own friends that doesn't have to pay for their words, will get more close to them then you ever will.

Excuse me, but I think therapy should be honest and stop pulling people along.

These statements sound pretty generalized and reflective of your experience. They certainly don't reflect my experience.