[IndestructibleGirl]

Somebody tell me to get a grip please

My therapist has not replied to my messages from yesterday. Nor to the one I sent a couple of hours ago. This is not like her at all. I am sort of fine, at the moment, because I'm just going about my day pretty much as normal, but if I allow myself to think about it and wonder what's going on I'm NOT okay, because either I have finally gone too far and done something that has made her want to leave, or else something bad has happened to her. This is unfortunate, because at the minute when other things are tough, my secure and (platonically) loving relationship with my therapist has been keeping me going.

If I don't hear anything by the end of today I don't know wtf to do because I'm supposed to have a session tomorrow and I don't want to just rock up if there's been radio silence for a couple of days. If I've crossed a boundary by being in touch too much I need to know in advance so I can brace myself for that difficult conversation. And I'm bewildered if I have hurt a boundary because I've not done anything differently and she has repeatedly told me I never come near to not respecting her boundaries. But what else could it possibly be???

My God. Why the hell is it so hard??

[Yearning0723]

I'm sorry your therapist hasn't replied to your messages from yesterday. I know you're super worried about her, but yesterday was Valentine's Day, so maybe she was spending the day with a significant other and didn't check her messages yet? If she usually responds to you when you contact her out of session, it probably isn't about you not respecting her boundaries but just about other stuff going on for her that has made it so she hasn't had time to check her messages. I know it's tough, but can you try to put it out of your mind for a little while? Hopefully she will respond later today.

I would guess her not replying has everything to do with her life and nothing to do with you. Things happen. We don't like it, but it is unlikely it is about us.

[Mactastic]

I'm going to go with the Valentine's Day scenario. Try to breathe (I KNOW how hard waiting for an email is, I just did that all day yesterday) until she responds. I think she will, given your emails have never constituted a boundary crossing before.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Thank you.

She just called and apologized for the delay, between a very busy day and then her phone being blocked for some hours she just didn't get back to me earlier. Hearing that no, I have not done anything wrong, and to be in touch as much as I want - music to my ears.

Hmm. I think I would have been outwardly fine even if she didn't call - I need to go for a run, have domestic stuff that needs to be done, and am going to friends for dinner tonight. So I have a stuff to do. But inwardly I would have been puzzled and uneasy and felt like I was too ridiculously dependent.

In fact, I think I still am feeling uneasy about being this dependent. If it is adding to my anxiety to not have a reply in a day, that doesn't feel too healthy to me. Maybe this is a warning that I'm relying on somebody too much.

I just want to need nobody.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

Thank you.

She just called and apologized for the delay, between a very busy day and then her phone being blocked for some hours she just didn't get back to me earlier. Hearing that no, I have not done anything wrong, and to be in touch as much as I want - music to my ears.

Hmm. I think I would have been outwardly fine even if she didn't call - I need to go for a run, have domestic stuff that needs to be done, and am going to friends for dinner tonight. So I have a stuff to do. But inwardly I would have been puzzled and uneasy and felt like I was too ridiculously dependent.

In fact, I think I still am feeling uneasy about being this dependent. If it is adding to my anxiety to not have a reply in a day, that doesn't feel too healthy to me. Maybe this is a warning that I'm relying on somebody too much.

I just want to need nobody.

It's okay to need someone and to rely on them. It's completely normal. People are created to need other people, and your relationship with your T is totally normal. It's painful and scary, but this is not a time to run away. It's very important that you keep going even though it's making you feel very uneasy.

[Bill3]

Thanks for letting us know that she called.

[Mactastic]

I understand how you feel. I want to trust my T that he'll always be there for me and I test him (I think) by emailing him to make sure he's still there. Whenever I trust him that trust quickly wanes because I convince myself I'm a burden and he's going to leave.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Thank you all. I feel less crazy seeing there are others who understand the fear and discomfort of this. Thank heavens for you.

I don't know. Most of me knows my therapist won't leave, and the slice of me that doubts and worries always goes ahead and asks for reassurance when I need it. But I'm almost tired of myself now, and impatient as to why I'm like this. And while it is precious and wonderful to have a good T, does it not all ultimately come to nothing if there is nobody in my real life?

I mean I have some family members and friends who I love dearly - why am I not as attached or dependent on them? What is wrong with me?? The therapist is the closest person I have in my life atm in terms of emotional intimacy and frequency of contact - she's like a much-loved older sister. Sometimes this makes me feel so pathetic (because I know most people manage to have these kinds of wonderful satisfying relationships organically with non-professionals, and in real life they are mutual, and therefore sustainable) and makes me want to run, even though I won't because I know that'd be the wrong thing to do. I am muddled in the extreme.

[kyle Kerlew]

I really don't think you've crossed your therapist's boundaries, it was just Valentine's day and she might have been busy yesterday. She's a therapist, I'm positive she would tell you if you were doing something wrong. If she doesn't get back to you today, tell her about whatever it is that's going on during your session tomorrow.

Everything is okay.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Kyle - yeah everything IS okay I've just had a wonderful night with friends, really connecting, and I guess this is where the benefits of therapy can be seen - they sort of creep up on you without you noticing, and then it's like hey! look what's happened

I am maybe a bit tipsy but I love all you guys like I love my friends and of course love my T!

Love and light to all xxx