[growlithing]

I have TT today for the first time in two weeks. I do not want to go.

1) my appointment is at 6 meaning I have to ride the train at an EXTREMELY packed time of day and I HATE physical contact with strangers. Several times, I've been squished into a wall by some guy about the size of my dad and I just dissociate. Or someone will accidentally brush up against my butt and I dissociate. It is really difficult

2) it's awkward to talk to her

3) I don't feel like I get anything out of it so it's just an unneeded upsetting trip. I know I don't get anything out of it because I don't put much in she I don't open up. I try to. I forgot to write her the letter. Or I procrastinated it too long.

[RTerroni]

You should go, I didn't really want to meet with my Therapist today after how things went last week, but we ended up having a very good session so I am happy that I went.

[granite1]

can you just cancel the appointment .you really seem to not want to even try . I know you need to go to the school T but why continue with this one. usually I would say when you don't want to go is the time you need to most go but you really have made it abundantly clear how you will not open up to tis person and only your LC . maybe it is best to not go at this point

[Yearning0723]

Can you maybe ride the train an hour or so earlier than you usually would and just hang out at a coffee shop or somewhere near TT's office before your session? It might be less crowded and then you would be less anxious going to see TT and can maybe spend some time planning what you're going to say to her.

[A Red Panda]

You've got a few choices:

1. go to your appointment and waste your TT's time by not being honest with her.
2. go to your appointment and tell your TT honest things about your over-attachment with your LC and your other issues.
3. don't go to your appointment and save your TT's time and your parent's money, and get no benefit at all.

You don't have to trust her to be honest.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

You've got a few choices:

1. go to your appointment and waste your TT's time by not being honest with her.
2. go to your appointment and tell your TT honest things about your over-attachment with your LC and your other issues.
3. don't go to your appointment and save your TT's time and your parent's money, and get no benefit at all.

You don't have to trust her to be honest.

It's not like I'm not honest with her. I am being honest with her. I'm not lying to her or not telling her stuff. All I don't tell her is how I feel about the relationship and how I do not feel remotely connected to her.

I went but TT is late. Maybe I messed up the time.

[stopdog]

I don't think a client wastes a therapist's time. The therapist gets paid regardless. A client can choose to waste their time and money. I thought this was the therapist you had to see to stay in school? Is staying in school worth the inconvenience of going to this therapist?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think a client wastes a therapist's time. The therapist gets paid regardless. A client can choose to waste their time and money. I thought this was the therapist you had to see to stay in school? Is staying in school worth the inconvenience of going to this therapist?

One of the T's I have to see to stay in school.

TT ended up canceling. Her car broke down.

[sweepy62]

Well that worked out for you, but I thought, you were going to tell her that the whole medical aspect of how her offic looks and how she wears a name tag, reminds you of your mom. I think you should find another tt, I doubt she might change or paint her office walls or stop wearing a name tag for you, and I think if she did, you would feel the same.

can you arrange for another tt in your school? Or are you stuck with this one.? If you are stuck with this one, I see it as a waste of time sorry growly, hope you find a perfect fit.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Well that worked out for you, but I thought, you were going to tell her that the whole medical aspect of how her offic looks and how she wears a name tag, reminds you of your mom. I think you should find another tt, I doubt she might change or paint her office walls or stop wearing a name tag for you, and I think if she did, you would feel the same.

can you arrange for another tt in your school? Or are you stuck with this one.? If you are stuck with this one, I see it as a waste of time sorry growly, hope you find a perfect fit.

No it didn't work out well for me. I went on the T and got sardined again only to sit in her waiting room for 45 mins.

Well she is not through my school. She's outside. So technically, I probably could. I just don't know how to tell her that I'm switching or even how to find a new TT. I don't even know how to set up a doctor's appointment. I'd ask LCM for help I think

[Bill3]

How did you find this TT?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How did you find this TT?

the hospital set me up with her

[Bill3]

Did they say if they tried to find a TT close to your school?

[sweepy62]

Oh I thought she cancelled before you got there, sorry you had to go through that. If she is not through your school, and if you won't get expelled from school if you stop seeing her, then why do you keep going? Obviously it's not going to work out.

Your school t should refer you to another tt can you look into that?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[growlycat]

It usually works out better if you can interview a few TT's to see who you feel better with (or least awful with?)

I think my T's in my youth did not work out because they were assigned, not chosen. My longtime T, I interviewed and chose.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Oh I thought she cancelled before you got there, sorry you had to go through that. If she is not through your school, and if you won't get expelled from school if you stop seeing her, then why do you keep going? Obviously it's not going to work out.

Your school t should refer you to another tt can you look into that?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by growlycat

It usually works out better if you can interview a few TT's to see who you feel better with (or least awful with?)

I think my T's in my youth did not work out because they were assigned, not chosen. My longtime T, I interviewed and chose.

My school does not do referrals at all. They couldn't even recommend me anywhere. It would have to be LCM. She probably couldn't make a formal referral but she could point me in a different direction?

I don't know how to interview Ts. What do you do? Do you tell them that it's an interview? Where do you just find a bunch to interview? And how do I trust my own instincts to know who is good or not? I love LCM but I worry that she's no good and I'm just deluded because I want her to be my mom so badly. Like in order to graduate from school, I have to give a recital. It's kinda a big deal and people's families fly out to see it and crap. Obviously, my parents will not come to mine. I don't have to give this thing this year, but it's been on my mind because for whatever reason my friends are giving junior recitals and talking about their families coming and it made me just remember how I'll have a few extra noticeably empty chairs at mine and think both about how them not being there will make people talk or feel bad for me which I don't want and also just visually feeling that gap where they should have been. My first thought was "maybe LCM will come and take their seat next to my teacher. Then I have mom and dad".
I'm not really sure how that story relates to this topic beyond just being an extremely concrete example of the extent of my attachment to her. And that could cloud my thinking because lots of horrible people are moms and lots of them have horrible children who think they are wonderful. I could be locked into that for all I know.

And how do I tell TT that we aren't working out? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I tried to switch school Ts two years ago but I backed off when I got worried she'd be upset. I like having school T around and I'm glad I didn't switch her in the end and I worry it would be the same with TT.

[growlycat]

All of this makes perfect sense.

First, your insights about TT's doctor-ish trappings need to be brought to her attention. That really is a breakthrough, you know. That is important to tell her first.

Then you could say that "I know you are trying really hard with me but I'm concerned. How do I know if this isn't a good fit? Would you help me find other T's to interview?"

I think if you approach it this way, she won't be offended. Therapists are very much used to being interviewed. Mine knew he was one of 4 possible people. Therapist and client chemistry is the top indicator of positive outcomes--most T's know this research.

I know you don't trust your instincts, but I think you underestimate your ability to pick out those who have potential and those who have zero. You have the ability to attach-- your relationship with lcm proves it.

I understand re: the recital. My main T came to my college graduation, even gave me a gift. I cried!! I felt loved.

I'm not saying you have a bad TT but fit is so important!!

[Bill3]

And how do I tell TT that we aren't working out? I don't want to hurt her feelings. I tried to switch school Ts two years ago but I backed off when I got worried she'd be upset. I like having school T around and I'm glad I didn't switch her in the end and I worry it would be the same with TT.

If this is your intuition for now, then consider thinking about ways to make working with TT better. For example:

--you don't have to write her a letter; you could simply print out all or key parts of your posts #75 and #78, here: http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-thing-8.html You can then assess her reaction to what you say.

--it sounds like you don't usually see her at 6. As Yearning0723 suggested above, consider changing your commute by going early (or asking persistently for a different time). It makes sense that it would be tough for you to speak freely within a few minutes of a jam-packed commute.