Negative self talk

So as everyone who has been following me already knows, I'm struggling in DBT. I'm also struggling with my trauma therapist. I asked LCM if she thinks I need a new TT. She said no. She said she thinks that I am experiencing some sort of attachment to her because I am so aggressive about saying that I feel nothing and that when she couldn't make it last Monday, I was (in her opinion based on what I wrote about it right after it happened) quite upset about it. She thinks that I need to talk to her about my problems regarding the building and my problems regarding the train at 5pm.

I'm having a similar issue with DBT. I hate it. I think the material is stupid. But I know I don't actually feel like the material is stupid. I actually feel like I am stupid. Too stipid to be able to improve. I'm scared that the reason I'm not responding to the treatment is because I can't be fixed so I attack the subject matter hoping to convince myself that problem isn't me. But it is and I don't know how to change my thoughts regarding this and also probably my thoughts regarding TT. I'm making self fulfilling prophecies.

From what I gather, the DBT and trauma therapy are the two types of therapy you need the most, yet you also run from them literally and figuratively. At some point you are going to have to decide to take that leap of faith and trust that the process of these therapies will lead you forward a bit at a time. It isn't going to happen quickly. It isn't going to happen easily. It is going to be frustrating and frightening and sometimes you will feel like you don't know what you are doing. But if you don't even start the process or commit to working through it, you really aren't going to make any forward movement.

I was thinking this reading through your second paragraph and was going to point it out, and was delighted to see that you already recognized it. That's good, it's a first step.

That's one of the first things you learn in DBT right? You identified the "what" of that thought and that it's a distorted thought. Keep going from there, baby steps and all.

I know that you adore Lcm and trust her opinion. Doesn't mean she is right about TT--just stay aware if if the relationship with TT is clicking or not. If not, keep bringing it up.

I think that deep down you know what you want to do, I am sorry if I am wrong, I dont mean to hurt your feelings. You keep going around in circles, but imo, and again if I am wrong I deeply apologize. I think if you were not expelled from dropping your t from school you would, first of all, you would drop your tt , you would quit your dbt group, because really , they are not doing you a bit of good because you are not ready for them at the moment. so in my oppinion, your ideal world, would include, your financial support from your family, only your lcm in your life, functioning as your t and your lifecoach and your ed t and your tt and your mom and your friend, and possibly your tt. and trust me, if that you make you grow and be healthy in your future, i wish it would come true for you, but that would be just a fantasy I guess.

Before your response to treatment can be assessed, you must actually have been getting treatment regularly. With regard to DBT and TT, I wonder what percentage of the planned treatment you truly have been able to receive over the past two months.

I wouldn't drop my school T. To be honest, it a lot of therapy and it's a little overwhelming to balance all of it on top of school. DBT is at a really horrible time that limits what band rehearsals I can go to. Because the school is requiring me to go and it is band, not orchestra, it's okay.

But if I could custom design my world, I'd change school into being a paying job and LCM into my mother. So I'd be financially independent from those bastards and I wouldn't have to worry about ever losing LCM.

DBT- 75%
TT- 60% of planned sessions but 0% actual trauma work

I don't think I learned that in DBT. I think I just always questioned the validity of my thoughts.

I sound like a huge ***. I'm sorry. I just gave such a hard time admitting that anything has been helpful and I don't know why.

"o% actual trauma work"

What you don't realize that the getting-to-know-you stage IS a part of trauma work. You are probably doing more than you think.

If you juggle all of this now I think you will be happy you did further down the road.

Growlycat is correct getting to now you stage is trauma work it all fits in like a puzzle.

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