TT terminated.

I kinda feel weird about TT leaving. I feel like I was justified in not opening up to her or relying on her at all and I worry that I will have an even harder time opening up to a new TT.

TT said I was distant and probably needed more time to open up. In the past, she said it would make sense that I wouldn't trust her because so many people have let me down or hurt me after I trusted them. I mean, I understand her needing to move on and not base her life around a client, but couldn't she have given me more warning? The whole time we worked together, she talked like this was going to be a long term thing like further down the road we will work on all these things and address all this stuff and go through 12 week long trauma work stuff and then she just... leaves. Maybe something just suddenly came up that she wasn't anticipating but I feel like she would have said something in her personal life suddenly changed, causing her to have to relocate if that were the case. She said she had been meaning to tell me that she was leaving. Why would she let me plan out how to connect with her and start 12 week long stuff with her only to leave? How can I trust that any new therapist won't just do that? I always just assumed she was not going anywhere. I just... I don't know.

It sounds like she didn't handle it in an optimal way. But that's on her, not on you.

Yeah. But forgive me for lacking a less drastic thing to compare this to, my parents didn't exactly raise me in an optimal way and that is on them but I still suffer from it. I still have the trauma and psychological scars from it. Obviously, TT didn't traumatize me or do anything even remotely as significant than my parents, but it can still help contribute to damaging my trust a little more. I have to figure out how to handle what I've been given

I'm not minimizing or blaming you, Growli. I just don't want you to take responsibility for her failure, nor think it says anything about you or anything you did or didn't do.

This has to be one of the cutest stories I've ever heard.

..i hope others get a chance to read this.

I'm not taking responsibility for this. I don't think it says anything about me. Even if she didn't like me that much it didn't because I can't control that we didn't click at all. I'm only responsible for my half.

This did affect me because I'm much more sensitive than normal right now and wanting LCM more than normal. It didn't at all help that the same day, I had a moment with her. And by moment, I mean it was drawn out for several hours. She texted me in the morning because I sent her a jumbled message again because I took too much meds. She wanted to know that I was okay and then said that she can't keep doing this. She feels like she is wasting my time/money because she feels like she doesn't know how to help me. I interpreted this as her saying she was done with me. I felt like I blew it and she was saying she can't help me and won't help me. A few hours later, she called me. I told her I was sorry and that she does help me and I don't think her stopping helping me would be beneficial at all. She said "whoa what are you talking about? I'm definitely not leaving you. You need someone to be constant with you and I want to be that person. I was trying to apologize because I felt guilty for not being more helpful. I'm sorry for the miscommunication".

Two hours later, TT said she was leaving. Out of the blue. It was like I was bracing myself to be slapped in the face but just when I thought I was safe, I got slapped from behind.