Update todays session was very moving for the 5th session but why, want to stop this

Todays sessions was intense, moving, and bonding, and too many feelings and emotions for me, way too fast, way to soon, not her fault, but my own, maybe transference from my old t, but is that even possible this soon?

Today, I started telling her about my week, and a conversation I had with my brother, which led to many triggers for me. That led to her wanting to her asking me to describe the triggers. I described some , then dissociated a bit, we did grounding.

Then I showed her some grounding skills and other pics I drew, and she asked if she could sit next to me, while I interpreted my drawings, I said yes, I felt a bond, we laughed and talked.

I drew a pic of my interpretation of the song comfortably numb , and she loves that song, she took out her phone, and played the song in backround while I spoke of my drawing.

we both love deep meaning songs, she says I have strong positive vibes. And as grounding skills the last ten minutes of session we will listen to music together.

All this sounds great right? So why do I want to run and hide?

Because it is scary to get close to people, especially since the last two T's you've had have left. You're doing great, and those feelings will continue to be there until you know she's not leaving.

I had my fifth session with my current Therapist this past week and I myself am just starting to get a handle on her.

Transference can happen in minutes, if not seconds.

That's why first impressions last.

Wow really!!!!!!!

Yes with my 4 year Therapist I sensed Transference as the first session (but as you can see it didn't get in the way of us meeting with one another because we met for 4 years).

Totally agree. I was "attached" to my current T of 5 months from day 1. It wasn't my intention...in fact, I didn't want to be attached to a T anymore so I choose one younger than me. Sometimes people just mesh.

Instead of fighting it, try going with the flow. Allow yourself to feel safe again. Maybe your unconscious is telling you your new T is a safe, good person.

Omg, I really promised myself not to let this happen, its way too soon, its not like I think about her between sessions, I still very much miss my old t, its just this new t, keeps reminding to feel safe with her, that the better I get to know her, the more I will believe she will keep her word, I think I feel somewhat safe already, dont know what keeps holding me back.

You had/have your mind made up to not like new T and it is confusing to think that things could go so well so soon. Remember the work you did with old T helped pave the way for the work you will do with new T. Old T hand picked new T knowing you and your situation so that helps too. Also old T knew new T so she could use her knowledge of new T when choosing her for you.

All of that helps knock time off of the imagined time you think it should take to get to where you are at with new T now.

You are doing well. I think old T made a very good choice for you.

You were so angry at and resistant to and critical of this T before you even really started working with her. I suspect the transference, albeit negative at the time, started even before you met. It's just moved into positive mode now.

you are so right, you really are, but its so scary how can it move to positive mode so damn quick, I know deep down it has, which makes me want to turn it around. I have not told her this, but Im pretty sure she probably knows its turning for the better now.

i know i should go with this flow, things are just at the begining of the relationship, and no matter what my old t will always hold a special place in my heart, just saying, this t seems very genuine , she keeps reminding me of how my old t and her had met and spoke about me, and that she became very interested to work with me, because my t spoke highly of me. i joked, I just said so you liked my resume is that it, i am now ceo of the therapeutic company.

Your new T sounds very good, very respectful of your boundaries and honest but gentle as well. It is scary because you are getting close - that is normal. I think you are doing so well by letting down your guard and letting her in!

New T does not have to replace old T in your heart. They are both different, keep the memories and love for old T and embrace that there might be more care for you from another, your new T.
Is it scary and making you want to run away because it is so different and positive than what you know, prepared for and expected. Is it because all your expectations have been blown and you are feeling unsure because you are enjoying it and connecting? I know when things go right for me I want to run or prep for the worst, but I know I should be happy and accept at that time the good things.
Big hug.

Yes I was expecting the worst, I was expecting to hate her, I was doing everything to find many faults, and not connect. And now it seems we are connecting, because we have things in common, like my old t promised that we would.

SPECULATION:
Do you feel it as a betrayal of your old T to like your new one?

In some ways , yes, some ways no. I dont want to develope a closeness or get comfortable with this t, im afraid to get hurt for a 3rd time, and im getting that comfortable feeling already.