Out of session contact - My opinion

Yes--boundaries have positive and negative consequences, regardless of how they are defined. So I'm just saying, let's not consider Ts with no boundaries as saints, and those who have boundaries as sinners.

Yearning, is your prof a grad student?

Yes--boundaries have positive and negative consequences, regardless of how they are defined. So I'm just saying, let's not consider Ts with no boundaries as saints, and those who have boundaries as sinners.

Obviously no one shouldn't give out personal cell numbers or emails, but then I've heard about T's that do, which baffles me.

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No, she's retired, technically, and only teaches this one class that my school invited her back to teach because it's a "super special" class and apparently that was enticing enough for her.

But you know, even if she wasn't okay with frequent emails (and by frequent, I mean maybe once or twice a week, sometimes every other week), she would probably frame it as, "I'm getting overwhelmed by the volume of emails, so let's try to cut back," as opposed to, "You breached a boundary! You're too needy! You did something wrong! Feel guilty; feel very guilty!"

And if she said not to email, I wouldn't mind it, although I do think that showing her that I'm engaging with the material outside of class time is partly responsible for my (puzzlingly) high marks in her class. I don't think she sees students emailing her as a burden, but as evidence of her students being engaged with the course. Which is a luxury, I suppose, because she only has 18 students total. But I'm not like a "special student" who emails her the most and is the closest to her - a lot of the students in our class are because she's really great.

I don't think this is obvious or universal at all. Both of the therapists I see have given out cell phone numbers. One uses email and one does not. One uses texts and one does not. Both are past 65 and have been being therapists for quite awhile so perhaps that is why they are less concerned.
Frankly I would rather have constant access to my acupuncturist than to the therapist.

Makes perfect sense now. Your prof teaches as a hobby so has the luxury of making 18 students the center of her life. Enjoy it while it lasts!

I bet most T's have a separate email account for clients, and possibly have a separate cell phone, much the way other professionals do. That makes the most sense.

Well, she likes to, so it's not like she's giving me this huge gift that I should be ridiculously grateful for...but yeah, it's not like that with my other professors and I don't expect it to be. My point is just that it's not a boundary thing; it's a "do I have time to read your emails/do I want to read your emails?" thing, and if she said not to email anymore, it would not be a huge deal.

And I bet she has a lot of experience with laying down actual, real boundaries in actual, real situations. She teaches a course to people in prison and since she's often the only outside contact they get, they cling to her. So she spends about two hours teaching her course and then six hours sitting with them and talking to them. She doesn't mind it.

I have always had the same cell phone for my practice and privately. I don't have multiple cell phones. I do have separate email - but that is not because of clients.
I think the big deal is keeping it confidential which may be easier with different accounts.

My T gave me his home phone as well as his answering service number and that was when I was still seeing him at the University. Almost 30 years ago.

Well, if I'd wanted to find his address, I could have just looked in the phone book where he was listed.

I think that one thing that has not been mentioned here is that unlike a lawyer's billable hours many T's are paid through medical insurance which often limits # of sessions or requires pre-authorization which might also dictate some of the boundary issues.

I know, this topic has probably been discussed thousands of times. But I still feel compelled to make this a new thread again because I have a very strong opinion about it.

I see my Therapist twice a week. That is more than my rent, my car payments, my health isurance, what I pay for food every month and so on. I pay that with gratitude and I believe it's the best money I have ever spent on anything. But I do expect value for that money - as I would if I would spend it on buying anything else. If my therapist would tell me to not call, text or email out of session, I would feel like merely a wallet filler and not a cared for client. That doesn't mean I email every day or text or call, but when I need to, I do.

Therapy doesn't just happen in the hour you are in the office with a T, it's an ongoing process that keeps happening when you leave the office, when you are at home, when you are with friends or family or when you are alone. A good T will even encourage out of session contact when the client really feels the need to because I believe it can show the process a client is in and also that a client is able to reach out if he needs to.

That's not to say you should call or email your T every day or multiple times a day. I know and understand how that can cross important boundaries.
But when I go to a session, I pour out my heart, share my deepest emotions and fears and how could that suddenly be completely resolved when I close the therapist's office door behind me? I usually text my T the same day I had a session. Either with a message of gratitude (which I believe is important!) or a message about how I feel. Sometimes I email when I struggle with certain things that came up during a session. Not once has she asked me not to do this. Not once has she ever given me the feeling that I am doing something wrong.

It hurts me to read all the struggles that some people have. I read a post on here where someone was so anxious about sending a very valid email to her T and about her T's reaction. That really made me mad. A T is entitled to their own boundaries but I think sending an email with what we feel is not crossing any boundary. She can read it in her work time, she can respond when she has time. I sometimes tell my T that I would be fine if she would charge me for out of session contact - and I really would be. But I never want to feel like I am doing something wrong or that I am somehow inconveniencing her by seeking contact out of session.

Some of you have probably read that I am fighting cancer at the moment. My oncologist calls me several times a week just to ask me how I am. When I am in chemo and struggle, he makes an effort to see me and he has held my hand or stroked my back when I was puking my heart out. That doctor is someone I can respect, trust and value. Because he truly defines what a doctor represents. I can call him when I need to, I can email him with my questions etc.
The same goes for my therapist. I respect her because she doesn't make me feel like a case file. She is as real to me in this relationship as she is ethically allowed to be. And she goes above and beyond for her clients and that makes her a great and much sought after therapist. She works in a building with another therapist, whose office is almost always empty. I know that the other therapist is struggling to get clients, when my therapist is unable to take any new clients. The difference between my T and the the other is that the other has implemented incredibly strict boundaries. No emails, no calls, no physical touch whatsoever, no multiple sessions in one week etc. I talked to her a few times while I was waiting for my T to finish a session with another client and I would never chose her as my T.

Long story short, I really think that out of session contact should not be such a huge deal for therapists. And it should not make us as clients feel ashamed or of less value than those clients who stay strictly to the only in-session contact.
I know this might be a controversial topic, but I am interested in how you think about this.

Amelia