[sweepy62]

So today being the 6th session, I was feeling miserable the week prior to my session, I had not been venting for the past 6 weeks since my old t left. Today I finally disclosed one of many csa nightmares I been having, of course, minimal details.

I use to disclose these with my old t but we never got to process them, besides I thought, once I read it, it was processed. To my surprise processing means alot, so she asked me what it meant to me, and we both started analizing it together. (Some of it).

Now she is suggesting that im overwhelmed by holding all these feelings in, and with the transition and daily stessors, she wants me to disclose more, and the sessions to delve into the past more, starting next session.

I love challenges. I dont feel comfortable, but I will never feel comfortable. Now im thinking of not even going next week.

the last 10 minutes we spent listening to music

[Auntie2014]

I think that if you just give this T a chance you will find that even though different than last T you will grow stronger and be able to understand why just reading about a dream is not moving you on to where you are not embarrassed to talk about CSA with T and be overwhelmed when the subject does come up in a conversation. One of the things that my T pointed out is that the first telling time is the hardest. After you "process" that dream with T you will find that the next one will be just a little easier and not need as much "processing"

You can do this and will feel much better if you just give T a chance to help you. You know I will be ready to hop in your pocket anytime you need a pocket rider.

The only way through is through. It hurts. It is frightening. It can be overwhelming. But, eventually you come out on the other side. Are you ready to work through this, or is putting it off more beneficial to you right now? (Serious question. It is possible you aren't there yet, but that is something you have to explore.)

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

The only way through is through. It hurts. It is frightening. It can be overwhelming. But, eventually you come out on the other side. Are you ready to work through this, or is putting it off more beneficial to you right now? (Serious question. It is possible you aren't there yet, but that is something you have to explore.)

Im struggling, there is a tug of war in my head, I dont know whether I would want to, at least not every week, she wants to start delving into the first experience with the first person, she said, slowly, carefully, at my pace an gently, but just the thought of starting next week, ugghhhh, but I would put it off forever.

It sounds like she plans to take things slowly, a bit at a time. Can you trust her to take care with you?

[HazelGirl]

She is wonderful, Sweepy. I know it's scary, and wanting to run away is a natural feeling, but you have to stick it out.

[Auntie2014]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Im struggling, there is a tug of war in my head, I dont know whether I would want to, at least not every week, she wants to start delving into the first experience with the first person, she said, slowly, carefully, at my pace an gently, but just the thought of starting next week, ugghhhh, but I would put it off forever.

Just ask T if it is OK to work on it slowly like every other week or only half of session...This T sounds like she is willing to work at your pace but is not going to let you avoid all CSA stuff. You opened the door a little crack so I think that you are more ready than you think. Hang in there!

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

It sounds like she plans to take things slowly, a bit at a time. Can you trust her to take care with you?

Yes, every session we go over coping skills before I leave and she monitors moods before and after sessions.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Auntie2014

Just ask T if it is OK to work on it slowly like every other week or only half of session...This T sounds like she is willing to work at your pace but is not going to let you avoid all CSA stuff. You opened the door a little crack so I think that you are more ready than you think. Hang in there!

Yes I know, I opened the door a little, and is not letting me avoid all csa, we can use drawing as well, but I would still have to explain the drawing.

[Auntie2014]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Yes I know, I opened the door a little, and is not letting me avoid all csa, we can use drawing as well, but I would still have to explain the drawing.

I know how hard this is for you but explaining the drawing or even doing the drawings might be emotional but you are in a safe environment when you are discussing them and you have someone else with you to help you deal with the emotions this time. It will not be the same as when it happened. You do not need to make the journey alone this time you will have T and a whole lot of people here with you when you are saying the scary stuff.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Hi Sweepy. I wish I could help you but I am in the same desperate situation myself. I opened the door a tiny bit today and then was panicked and vomiiting for the whole day. I finally called Trauma T (apologizing the whole time of course) where he helped me reframe with "mind magic" by projecting the distressing image on a movie screen, turning off the projector and then pitching it into outer space. Although I never thought I had an imagination, his techniques are actually working a bit. Maybe.

I just wanted you to know I feel for you and wish you all the best.

[sweepy62]

Thank you as you say it's scary, and I did open the door a bit, today we talked a bit about my nightmare, turns out she says it a double layered nightmare, wow who knew,and she is right.

It has to do with me, and the bad person yet I'm trying to rescue my little brother from his bad person,but he was not born yet .

I couldn't see that, I interpreted the nightmare all wrong, making it all about my brother and avoiding me.

She says it's avoidance OMG and the nightmare is not even processed yet.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ShaggyChic_1201]

One step at a time and keep breathing. We've already lived the nightmare (CSA, SA, etc) - now it's about becoming free.