Terminating with Current T Tomorrow and Not Sure What to Say, Very Anxious. Opinions

I feel my former therapist has changed my expectations of therapists and not because she wound up caring about me ( Therapist Says that She Loves Me but I Initiate All Contact, What Should I do? - Forums at Psych Central) but because she was tough on me and through working with her we treated the issue that led me to her without meds by getting to the root. That issue had me on the verge of suicide and today I rarely think about it. My current therapist isn't as assertive as my former therapist and so I don't feel confident in his ability.

The ex T knew how to reign me in during session, get to the heart of my issues and push me to not see myself as some helpless victim or my anxiety as my identity. Conversely, my current therapist seems to struggle with me and quite frankly I think he's a great guy but I feel like a number to him and to strong willed. I'm always rushed out of session because others are literally lined up outside, there is no crisis service, what I make clear I'm struggling with is always stated as something we'll get to eventually. Moreover, last week's incident with the current T just solidified our incompatibility ( Vented to my Therapist Today and He Warned Me That he Would Have to Report Me If I Ma - Forums at Psych Central).

My dilemma is that I picked him because he is walking distance from me. Now I'm stuck because I struggle with change. Even when I know a relationship does not serve me I stay because I don't want to lose that history.

Not sure how to approach termination or what to say. I struggled with finality.

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He doesn't sound like the best fit for you, but your old T, despite gains you made with her, has raised so many red flags, that I don't think returning to her is in your best interests.

One way to approach your session is to simply show him your post here.

If you think you need a tougher T you are probably right.

It can be really simple. One can simply tell the therapist it isn't working and that one is not coming back. Or, without announcing it one can simply never go back, or not schedule another appointment. I don't think a client is obligated to explain or justify their decision.

I think it would be wise to discuss this in depth with your T before making any decision. About a month ago I was having huge doubts about my T. Behind his back, I consulted another T for 1.5 hours. I talked about my current T for much of that time. Then I told my T that I had seen someone else and we talked about it. In the end, it brought us closer together.

I never had doubts about my T's competence or style, however. My concerns were mostly in that I am very attracted/attached to him and I was scared. But, if I had simply terminated I would never have grown the way I have in that month. Something t consider, but follow your gut.

Some of the best work I've done in therapy is when I've confronted my T and said that X or Y or Z wasn't working for me and I needed him or her to change. It is possible for compatibility to change with a T, but you have to be willing to be open with the T about why you are unhappy with their service. It has been very therapeutic for me to air my grievances and have my T change in response.

I agree. Standing up to your T is important. However, be prepared for the possibility that your T might not cooperate. Madame T did not respond well to criticism. And she seemed incapable of any fundamental change. She refused to consider anything outside psycho-dynamics.

I won't be returning to my old therapist as a client. I don't think it would be a good idea or that it would be beneficial given our current situation and she doesn't either.

I ended up just telling him everything that I posted here.

So how did he react?

I ended up discussing my issues with my current T toward the end of my session with him today. I started by telling him that I had spoken with my former therapist and that she had advised me to not simply terminate but to discuss things with him. He said it was not his intention to make me feel like he didn't trust me or that I was a good person. He says he was just making a standard statement because he couldn't be sure I wouldn't say anything violent given "the state of the world today with mass shootings and such." I believe him and I accepted his explanation. He went on to state that I should feel proud that I shared my issues with him because I have a history of leaving relationships randomly when I feel hurt and simply cutting off the perpetrator(s), not allowing them to explain themselves.

Later I told him that DBT is not something I feel will work for me as I am not easily distracted and that the other method he was using was working fine for me. I also let him know that it's important to me that I have a therapist who is assertive and who can reign me in as I am very strong willed and this can mean rambling when real work needs to be done and serious issues need to be addressed. I let him know that he has been good about checking me for that but that he needs to feel free to really halt my ramblings and make me dig deeper.

He seemed receptive to what I share with him and said he'd be willing to work on things. I am thinking I will give him another chance even though deep down it feels like he might not be a good fit because I can tell that I unnerve him and he really just doesn't want to lose me as a client. His body language says he really wants to help me and he is sincere but that he really isn't comfortable reigning me in. I told him that my former therapist listened to me talk during our first session and when I finished my long spiel she looked at me, adjusted her glasses and said: "that's all good well and fine but I think most of what you said is pure bullsh*t." She was very assertive and was able to see through my facade and because of that we treated what led me to her successfully. My current T is more gentle; we'll see what happens.