T suddenly terminated me

I sent her 2 emails, one the day when I got terminated, in which I basically acted desperate and tried to convince her to take me back. The other a week later in which I accepted what she did, and gave reasons as to why I believe this is a good idea. I ended the email saying how I agree that we need a break, but that I would like to resume our work someday if possible. She didn't reply to either email which makes me very sad. I can understand why she wouldn't reply to the first one, but I was at least expecting her to wish me luck or whatever in the second one just so I could get some closure.

Do you guys think that if I let this cool down for a while and try contacting her again, she would be willing to resume working with me?

I don't know her so I don't have an answer to your question, but reading your messages I'm wondering, do you really want / need / feel safe going back to work with someone who says you'll be working on something and makes plans one week then terminates you the next? I understand your attachment to her ... I just wonder if it would be good for you to go back considering how she handled this.

She saw my compliance of the termination and decided it was for the best. She brought it up before but I would shoot it down immediately so maybe she though that as long as I show the will to keep making progress, she will keep me as a client. It still doesn't make complete sense, because I only wavered for a short while before I realized this isn't what I wanted, and she wouldn't change her mind after that.

To answer your question, I don't know. Right now I truly want to keep working with her, but that might be just my bias. I don't know how I'll feel after some time passes, but I do know that I enjoyed working with her before the transference issues, and I felt like I was making progress.

I think she would see answering your e-mail as fanning the flames, and encouraging any thought of future work together as feeding a fantasy. It would not be the responsible thing for her to do. Your interests are best served with a new T who can also help you process this attachment and help you to understand what it means for you. Erotic transferences aren't about the other person, they're about ourselves.

It does not sound like she will to me as she terminated you and is now not replying. It does not sound like CBT is the best place for transference work, what about trying a more psychodynamic approach? You will feel this way again about someone else I'm sure.... Then you can work through it!

I think the best thing is to really cut the ties, don't email her, don't try to get her back. Because in all honesty on your part - how sure are you that you are not trying to get her back because of your feelings for her? The reason right now is that you miss her - and that's understandable, you think you are in love with her.
But for your actual issues and your own well-being, it's best to work through all this with a new therapist.
I can actually understand why she terminated you - and you understand as well. Therapists have to protect themselves as well and your history with her sounds like a really complicated one and one that had a few heavy, heavy incidents. She may feel that she really can't work with you and as hard as that is for you, you will have no choice but to accept it..

Amelia

Umm... ahem. Say what? 'scuse me!

Don't forget potential restraining order for stalking if it continued.

The first two days of my masters we had "Orientation," which was basically lectures about self-preservation in the world into which we were about to be thrown. One of the presenters said, "Never let a client get between you and the way out of a room. If you do a home visit and a client, for example, draws a knife on you then try to talk them down; tell them "I can't help you until you put down the knife."

After two days of "Orientation," we were immediately thrown out into the world of our internships.

All the time I'm thinking... client pulls a knife, I'm pulling a gun. That's why I never did an internship or practice that required home visitation.

Mental health professionals are generally kind and caring people who by and large want nothing more than for clients / "consumers" to get better as quickly as they can and hopefully leave with a new skill set that means they never have to come back.

I didn't read the thread amadalouise is referring to, only her description of it and then her profile. She and I have many things in common. One of these things is her view on this particular situation.

Be glad all she did was terminate you. What is described here not only crossed client / therapist relationship boundaries, it also sounds like it pushed some criminal and civil liability ones - and I don't mean by the therapist.

"Never let the client get between you and the closest point of exit." If someone is unstable enough to talk seriously about killing themselves... when asked do they have a plan... when they say, "Yes, I've got 8 guns in my car," you politely excuse yourself and seek backup. If someone is talking in session about "erotic" attachment and then goes on Facebook to stalk / manipulate their own therapist...

Sorry folks. There are limits, even for the most empathetic of therapists. Don't think for a minute that we're going to let you put us in dangerous situations or do things like harass us because you feel an overwhelming _____ for us.

There are strict ethical, agency, state and Board of licensure rules about termination of clients.Just because you have a client relationship with us does not allow you to step outside the lines... nor does it preclude us from protecting ourselves from you.

At the end of the day, I've got malpractice insurance to back me up if I make an actionable error in judgement that causes harm. I can have all the unconditional positive regard and empathy in the world for you and your situation, but that's not going to prevent me from extricating myself from a BAD situation if I feel you are a potential threat to my own safety, well-being, professional reputation, or sanity.

Look folks. There are rules and there is decency. How would you like it if your therapist took to Facebook and "impersonated" you?

At the therapists' offices, I sit next to the door.
With my clients I usually do not unless the client invites me to do so while in their home.

I don't have a usual place where I sit or stand with clients. Often, if at their home, we start out at a kitchen table. Sometimes they want to show me things in other parts of the house so I go with them.
If at my office, I sit at a table with the client sitting at the table with their chair closest to the door. I have been stalked by a couple of former clients and threatened a few times. It comes with the territory.
Gang members often like to show they have weapons on them. My psychotic clients can be unpredictable from time to time.

Wow. This thread makes me never want to have anything to do with therapy ever again.

I wasn't terminated due to the Facebook incident. That happened a month prior to my termination, and it was resolved very quickly. She didn't think much of it because I told her about it right away.

I too am the one sitting closer to the door- the logic behind it being (according to my T) that some clients feel safer that way- could bolt right out of the room.
Anyway, don't see why you couldn't just switch seats with your clients? That way you'd feel safer...

BTW the T didn't terminate right away, took her some time to do so

She may have been influenced by others,because of fb incident, and/or after having thought about it more changed her mind.

Good luck to you.

Could have been, but it didn't seem that way. We were supposed to start exposure that week, and I'm sure we would of if I didn't start talking about the horrible week I had, and then proceeded to be silent when she started talking about termination. It just seemed like she decided it on the spot.

As much as I believe in Ts having the right to terminate clients for whatever reason, I think they should take time, introduce the topic of termination to the client, offer him/her a session to talk it over, refer him/her if they want... not take a harsh decisions- lets end it here/now, no contact after that whatsoever... I'm sorry this happened to you. Yeah, this one's on her :/

This confirms what I have long thought, that many therapists are just as messed up as the rest of us.

In my opinion I think T should at the very least discuss why she is terminating so that you clearly understand why. Was it because of the fb incident and feeling like things weren't getting better. Was it because you said it was probably best to transfer to another T. Even if she doesn't want to talk face to face she could at least send you an email or call you on the phone.

That being said, since I work in a psych hospital I also understand T needing to be safe. We are also taught that we should be closest to the door and we keep all sharps off the unit to not only protect the patient but also the staff.

Last week on the unit we had a patient turn violent. He hurt staff then he proceeded to bang his head on the door of seclusion room door until he bleed and then proceeded to write all over the walls and doors with blood and tear apart the walls. Now if this would have been because of his illness it would have been one thing. However the reason he got so mad was because he entered the community room where a lot of patients were watching a movie. He changed the station and staff told him that people were watching the movie he could watch something after. He got angry so staff asked him to go to his room. Then he started punching and kicking everybody.

I agree. The last few pages of this thread created a trigger reaction in me-I'll just leave it at that.

It is true. They are people, and sometimes they use their role as a therapist to hide their own problems. I'm so sorry this thread has hurt you. Not all therapists have problems, and some are wonderful.

And to everyone else, just because one person holds a certain opinion doesn't mean that your T (or potential T) holds the same one. You can't judge the whole profession based on a handful of comments.

Ditto. I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable and anxious about the whole set up now. More so than I ever have.

I made a mistake about details I posted here. I'm sorry!!! I'm glad someone removed it for me! Thank you.

I understand that Psychiatry/therapy is considered to be a fairly dangerous profession. I know one therapists personally she was stalked to the point of needing a restraining order.

That being said, I do happen to think there are times where situations like online stalking can be worked out with the client and T together. In the age of Facebook, someone who would never engage in stalking behavior in the real world can easily find themselves doing in it online. If you are not aware of how common it is then you are very naive. Facebook and instagram has turned everyone into a stalker in one way or another. Behind a keyboard there is a sense of anonymity that allows regular people to do really crazy things. Some escalate, but I think most don't. Yes the OP violated a boundary, but to his credit he was honest which should say something about his intent and his character. He didn't threaten her, he was impulsive and then tried to rectify it. Clients in therapy often have relationship as well as impulse control issues of some sort, and what happened with the OP and his T is a perfect example of how they can spiral a little out of control given the opportunity. I'd think it would be a good way to explore what the OP was feeling when he did what he did and how he felt after. If it happened outside the confines of therapy, it could have been much worse. Isn't it a T's job to help the OP deal with this mistake and try to learn from it??? Now if he chose not to deal with it, or the T felt something was off or things got worse, then that is different. But I'd give it a few sessions at least and see what happened from there.

The OP's T felt strongly that she needed to terminate because his feelings for her interfered with therapy, then she did the right thing. But she did it in an unprofessional, not so nice way.

If a T is THAT afraid of clients, and internet "stalking" is freaks them out that much, then I would look for a different career. You need to take precautions when dealing with a certain population, just like criminal attorneys, cops and teachers do. This is not victim blaming, it is common sense.

Thank you all for your responses. I'm sure IWonderIf didn't mean anything by it. There are extreme cases in which more extreme actions need to be taken as described by him. I just don't think that my case was anything like that. I'm glad my therapist looked at me as an individual and not a statistic when I told her about the FB thing. She didn't think I was being threatening, because I wasn't being threatening. That's why it hurts even more knowing that she terminated me and ignored everything I said after. It's like she did a complete 180 and did what her book told her to do. It's a shame, but I'll have to accept it. I can't keep sending emails because then I really might get in trouble, but I really wish I could just get into contact with her somehow and get some kind of closure.

Copy&Paste this one post as your last email to her.... nothing else said.
She'll understand the context of it all and either choose to respond or not.

But it sounds to me as this is at the core of your being, and expressing ourselves is sometimes crucial.

GL.

Interesting that the OP is male. I wonder if he was a female there might not have been a termination.