If therapy can't help us, then what can?

HazelGirl · Mar 25, 2014, 11:29 AM

Have you been able to talk to new T about this?

Yearning0723 · Mar 25, 2014, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Have you been able to talk to new T about this?

No. She's just been doing basic assessment stuff, asking me about my childhood, family, friends, memories, etc to try to get a fuller picture of my life...I might talk about it with old T when I see her tomorrow, but I don't think she will be particularly helpful.

Honestly, I just want to go in tomorrow and cry and say, "I'm sorry, T! Please just love me."

Yeah, that's not going to happen. Also, she wouldn't.

Leah123 · Mar 25, 2014, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yearning0723

I know. I guess it's just the situation with mentor figure that's hitting me hard and the fact that I get triggered by dumb things like her telling me about having to sit in the corner as a punishment when she was a kid. And because I got triggered, I overreacted to the situation and told her not to talk to me about her parents, which she took as an instruction not to talk about anything personal with me at all, thus greatly damaging our relationship. She doesn't act caring towards me anymore, just indifferent. It makes me so sad because I ruined something really wonderful because my issues were getting in the way.

And this happens literally all the time...I always hurt all the people who matter to me...

That stuff happens. Overreactions happen. Life goes on. Don't give up running because you trip. You got a lot out of that relationship, and are still getting something it sounds like- it's not all or nothing, though it's not perfect. If you worry about your issues getting in the way, consider that by holding yourself back from relationships, they're getting 100% in the way, versus just somewhat in the way when you have relationship ruptures. The good and bad parts of these relationships will give you things, support *and* challenge. Both important.

HazelGirl · Mar 25, 2014, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yearning0723

No. She's just been doing basic assessment stuff, asking me about my childhood, family, friends, memories, etc to try to get a fuller picture of my life...I might talk about it with old T when I see her tomorrow, but I don't think she will be particularly helpful.

Honestly, I just want to go in tomorrow and cry and say, "I'm sorry, T! Please just love me."

Yeah, that's not going to happen. Also, she wouldn't.

I bet if you brought this up, new T would be willing to hear about it and would help you come to a better understanding of the situation.

Yearning0723 · Mar 25, 2014, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I bet if you brought this up, new T would be willing to hear about it and would help you come to a better understanding of the situation.

I don't know if she knows me well enough yet to have a nuanced understanding of the situation...but maybe I'll bring it up with her. Ugh. I know it's a learning experience, but it just hurts so much that mentor figure is there physically, but emotionally she's on another planet. She isn't sweet with me anymore. She doesn't tell me she likes talking to me or looks forward to our visits; it's all business and when you're done, you're done and goodbye. We don't even talk about Judith Butler anymore...

HazelGirl · Mar 25, 2014, 11:49 AM

I am sorry. It is very painful.

Leah123 · Mar 25, 2014, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yearning0723

I don't know if she knows me well enough yet to have a nuanced understanding of the situation...but maybe I'll bring it up with her. Ugh. I know it's a learning experience, but it just hurts so much that mentor figure is there physically, but emotionally she's on another planet. She isn't sweet with me anymore. She doesn't tell me she likes talking to me or looks forward to our visits; it's all business and when you're done, you're done and goodbye. We don't even talk about Judith Butler anymore...

Try bringing up Judith Butler and see what happens?

Yearning0723 · Mar 25, 2014, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

Try bringing up Judith Butler and see what happens?

I did. She let me talk, but she didn't say anything in response. She just didn't seem interested in engaging in discussion with me. She said something generic like, "That's interesting," and then asked if I had any more questions about my essay, and when I said no, she opened the door for me and ushered me out.

learning1 · Mar 25, 2014, 08:14 PM

Sounds like your mentor figure can't take a request without shutting down... maybe she's the one who needs a mentor. I suppose that doesn't help you any though....

stopdog · Mar 25, 2014, 08:22 PM

I have tried out a good number of them. After interviewing over 30, I have two I can tolerate. They are useful in different ways.
Sometimes it takes checking out a lot of them before finding one that meets your needs.

Yearning0723 · Mar 25, 2014, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by learning1

Sounds like your mentor figure can't take a request without shutting down... maybe she's the one who needs a mentor. I suppose that doesn't help you any though....

Please don't...if she has hurt me in any way (unintentionally), I know it's only because she cares about me so much and feels really guilty that her benign childhood tale upset me so much and she doesn't want to risk upsetting me again, and also just the constraints of her position. There's no fault in it and there's no need to speak ill of her. I saw the look on her face when I told her that; she was very, very distressed that she might have unintentionally done something to hurt me. She is being careful now. Misguided? Yes. Malicious? A reflection of her competence? A moral failing? Absolutely not.

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