[GenCat]

I don't understand how I could possibly think of someone so much as I do with my T. Its like every time I see her my feelings for her intensify and change and become something that I certainly do NOT want. I am not a lesbian but she has made me seriously consider if I could be with her. I just want to see her and talk with her and get to know her so much more that it kills me when I have to leave from our weekly session. I find I just stare at her in session, I literally get lost in her it freaks me out. I will smile just so she will smile back at me. I love her smile, I love when her eyes smile when her mouth smiles. She is so sweet and kind and helpful to me. She has called me beautiful, sweet, brave, intelligent, kind, and a people pleaser. She told me today she likes how I will never call on her for being wrong that I care for others before myself. Ive been seeing her for about a year, and ive made great progress but I feel like my feelings (whatever they are) are getting in the way of my life. I literally will drive by her house just to see if shes at home or not. I will email her like everyday just to get a response from her. Sometimes I even lie and say something is urgent when it isn't. I wish I was brave enough to call her and tell her I need to talk to her right now, but im scared of her saying shes busy or I have to make an appointment. I have told her in the past about my feelings about her, that id like to have her as a mother or to live with her. She didn't really address the issue just that it was my anxiety needing reassurance from her. I don't really feel comfortable telling her everything ive said here because I don't really understand my feelings and I am embarrassed by them immensely. I cant talk about serious things in therapy, so we just literally chit chat and waste and hour. I am ultimately afraid of her terminating me because of my feelings for her. I have cried of the thought of her leaving me. I just cant think about that right now.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I found your post beautiful to read because there is so much love evident in it. Which means, you can love others wholeheartedly too, once you find them. I'm just unclear about something - did she approve of you not calling her out on things, even when you felt a particular way? Is she open to your challenging her?

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

I found your post beautiful to read because there is so much love evident in it. Which means, you can love others wholeheartedly too, once you find them. I'm just unclear about something - did she approve of you not calling her out on things, even when you felt a particular way? Is she open to your challenging her?

So its a good love? Not a lust love? I honestly have no clue...she never told me I needed to call her out on things, but she has told me to speak up. I guess she is open, shes never told me shes not.

[HazelGirl]

This sounds like maternal transference, so definitely not lust. Can you bring it up with her?

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

This sounds like maternal transference, so definitely not lust. Can you bring it up with her?

I guess I could but I don't know if I can be brave enough to tell her I think I have it with her...

[sweepy62]

Can you write it and give it to her, I know it's hard to be vulnerable, but you will feel better, I'm working on this too, I have you guys to cheer me on.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AllyIsHopeful]

Not saying you should take this exact approach, but this is what helped me with similar and intense feelings:

I took close to one month off from seeing her (it was hell). Every...single...day I wrote her a letter and dated it. Some were short and some were so long. The letters ranged from raging anger, admiration, love, painful realization, agony, longing, or just simple gratitude and an update on current events. With each letter I wrote, I would allow myself to be candid and let any words and any emotions come out...I also wrote them exactly as if I were speaking to her, so it felt completely different than a journal. Many days I told myself I was going to give her these letters but in the end I changed my mind.

I could tell you that now I go for a session every week and never call or text her in between sessions (used to frequently) or even get the urge to. I do still think of her, but she doesn't consume my mind 24/7. I long for her to remain in my life after termination but I am now able to think realistically and will be happy if she stays and my life, and it will be bitter-sweet if it is permanently goodbye. When I think of ending therapy with her, sometimes I cry happy tears of gratitude for all she has done for me and how big of a presence her support had in my life for the past year...and I will ALWAYS remember that about her.

I hope my story gives you hope that this will pass and maybe even trigger an idea on how to lessen the intensity of these feelings.

[elliemay]

All in all, I think this is fairly normal, although I would probably stop driving by her house.

For some people (and I was one of them) therapy needs to be very big in their lives. After all, it is transformative. Transformation is not easy.

If someone is kind to us, we naturally will respond. We naturally will doubt. We naturally will think about it a lot because it's a lot to process - that kindness, but I think it is how we internalize it and come to generalize it to ourselves and others.

What would be so wrong if you just let yourself enjoy how you feel about your therapist? Accepted it for what it is and was happy that there was something positive in your life?

Really. What would be so wrong with that?

[SeekerOfLife]

When my feelings for T get too strong, in my mind I throw up a wall between us. I have gotten where I am afraid to get too close.

[Aloneandafraid]

I relate to this so so much. I want to tell her how I feel too but I am just too scared. I have developed extremely strong maternal type feelings towards Her. I long for her to hug me (she won't I'm sure) and I'm afraid I will push her away by telling her about my feelings. She practices mindfulness and is always referring to being in the present moment. I don't know how to bring it up,or even if I should. She isn't particularly warm. I just feel like a client who has her 50 mins and that's it, it's over - all extremely professional and very strict boundaries. And I shouldn't expect more but I do. And is it so wrong? I have never had a close maternal relationship - this weekend is Mothering Sunday in the UK. All very triggering!

[MoxieDoxie]

Is this how therapy is suppose to work. They allow us to "virtually" crawl into their laps for reassurance and safety, like the parent we never had, form an attachment and then pull back, terminate us to simulate a child growing to an adult and leaving the safety of the home and going out on their own. It is torture. To think I will not have his support for much longer. He is someone I want in my life always. Like real family that should be in your life always. I want to reciprocate. I want to somehow help him when needed. Just like any relationship, sometimes it is better to have experienced it then never to have experienced it at all.