[Mactastic]

On therapy days I typically feel strangely open after therapy. It's weird. In my sessions I feel like I can't open up but later in the day I feel more open and a lot of times I'm able to send an email disclosing big stuff.

Tonight I sent off an email telling my therapist about a fear (more like a phobia) that has a huge grip over my life and consumes me with anxiety. I didn't get into much detail but I think I got across to him how scary it was to tell him.

I've been a wreck since. I specifically asked him for some encouragement back, something I know he's not fond of via email. I'm afraid I asked for too much and I'm afraid to face him a week from now.

He's known about a mysterious phobia that I wasn't ready to address and I imagine when he reads that email he's going to judge me for making mountains out of molehills. Furthermore, I'm afraid he can't help me or I'll be afraid to do the work related to facing it and let him down.

I dunno. I've been tossing and turning for hours and just needed to vent, I guess.

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[Petra5ed]

It will be fine, I just went through the same exact thing really, I really freaked out and it was totally not worth it. Tons of people on this board have shared similar stories. It's so weird because I feel just like you. Right after therapy I feel open, but during therapy not so much. Really what I want to just try once is to see my T for an hour, then separate for an hour or two, then go back for another hour. It seems kind of gluttonous doesn't it? Off on a tangent I go.... Your T is probably used to crazy emails and not really blinking an eye

I use to send lots of those scary emails right through the nights during roughly my first six months of therapy, and my therapist said she was glad that I sent them. She read them, but did not necessarily respond to most of them or even find a need to discuss them. She understood that was my way of venting. If an email revealed something important we did talk about it. Many times we don't get to information from our therapy sessions, because our mind still needs to process what was said, hence the after hour emails. It's okay, he will not judge you, and we'll receive you next week as has happily as he did last week.

Also, my therapist said that she responded usually if she had something useful to say. Most time she did.

I hope you can get some sleep, Mactastic.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

He's known about a mysterious phobia that I wasn't ready to address and I imagine when he reads that email he's going to judge me for making mountains out of molehills. Furthermore, I'm afraid he can't help me or I'll be afraid to do

Try to take it easy on yourself and not allow your mind to visit places or create scenarios without solid evidence. I do this at times too. It's hard and it feels crummy, so it makes me sad to see someone else being so rough and unfair with themselves.

I'm positive your T is not going to judge you. Maybe he will not respond because he wants you to be able to discuss it in person. It's okay to prepare for negative scenarios and remember they do happen from time to time...as long as you also prepare yourself for the positive ones.

Most phobias sound ridiculous and strange to the average person. Phobias are mostly irrational and may even exist for no good reason in some individuals. I mean there are phobias of spiders, using public restrooms, skin, hair, dirt, germs, water, sun, etc. I'm sure there is someone who has attended therapy for everything I included in that list! lol And there's no problem with it at all, because the fear is real to that individual. Therapists understand this. He will NOT judge you for it.

[Mactastic]

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I didn't sleep a wink. One thing I love about my therapist is I am almost positive he will react with warmth and encouragement today, it's the waiting that's hard. I will update later and respond in more depth later.

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[Outcast_of_RGaol]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I didn't sleep a wink. One thing I love about my therapist is I am almost positive he will react with warmth and encouragement today, it's the waiting that's hard. I will update later and respond in more depth later.

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I think that you did good.
You addressed an issue (the phobia).
Wrestled with the lonesomeness that many feel when we don't get immediate feedback.
Turned to the forums here as an alternate resource.
Survived to see the sun rise.
And remembered that in your T's warmth and encouragement, there is hope.

That sounds like a lot of work and a long day.

[Mactastic]

My therapist came through for me and sent me back a long email calming me down and reassuring me. He told me he "respects and treasures" the enormity of my disclosure because he knew I had that in the sidelines for months. He told me how he acknowledges how hard I work and the strength I've shown. He explained what will happen next and signed the email "With respect and admiration,"

I'm still feeling sh-tty over the whole thing but I suppose I'm glad I finally did it.

I'm so glad I found someone I can trust and someone I trust to give me a boost when I truly need it even though I knew I was asking him to step outside his comfort zone, sorta speak.

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[purplemystery]

Wow, what a nice way for him to respond. He sounds like a great T. Good for you for taking the plunge!