[Daeva]

The connection we had is gone, I mean I still enjoy seeing her but for me it's like seeing a friend you haven't seen in a while. Our appts are few and far between and we end up catching up more so than the problems itself. And I just find myself not wanting to talk to her anymore, I'm hiding things from her, she was so shocked when I told her in detail how I had been planning my death for 3 weeks when she thought I was on an upswing. It's just not the same anymore, and while I'll miss her, I feel strong enough to transfer to a new T.

I suppose I should talk with her about this, but I don't know, what do you guys think?

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by Daeva

The connection we had is gone, I mean I still enjoy seeing her but for me it's like seeing a friend you haven't seen in a while. Our appts are few and far between and we end up catching up more so than the problems itself. And I just find myself not wanting to talk to her anymore, I'm hiding things from her, she was so shocked when I told her in detail how I had been planning my death for 3 weeks when she thought I was on an upswing. It's just not the same anymore, and while I'll miss her, I feel strong enough to transfer to a new T.

I suppose I should talk with her about this, but I don't know, what do you guys think?

What caused this switch in your ability to open up to her?

It sounds like maybe the vulnerability is getting to you, and starting over would let you avoid it again, for a while.

[Daeva]

I don't know what caused it, it's been like this for about 6 weeks.

[Daeva]

I think that could be a good possibility

[sweepy62]

I'm so glad to hear from you, I'm sorry you have bben through alot and that you feel you lost that connection with your t. I know how that feels. Would it me hard to find a new t, if that's what you wanted?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[A Red Panda]

Is it still perhaps lingering upset and anger over the Dependent incident? As others have said in your other thread... it might just be pushing away as you've been feeling so poorly. I'd stick it out and make a decision once you're feeling a lot better with yourself. Then you can make a decision while you're clear-headed, instead of making a choice you might regret.

[Daeva]

No T and I cleared up the Dependent thing, I was never made about the diagnosis actually.
I don't know, I don't see myself feeling better unfortunately.

[IndestructibleGirl]

How long have you been seeing her til now, Daeva?

[Daeva]

A year this march

[IndestructibleGirl]

I think if you felt the attachment was good and solid before, and you found her nurturing and attuned, then it's definitely worth seeing if this is a hiccup - a temporary loss of connection that may well come back? Would she allow an email? Or what is the position with perhaps having an extra session to discuss this?

[unlockingsanity]

There are ups and downs in all relationships. I wouldn't give up on this one just because you are in a seemingly down swing. Growth comes from talking these things out with your therapist (and other people in life).

[Daeva]

No extra sessions, no out of session contact at all. Not even in emergencies.

[growlycat]

How often do you see her? Maybe it isn't enough?

[Daeva]

I see her twice a month. We use to be weekly but she changed it without even consulting me.

[healed84]

Maybe the next time you see her, you tell her you have been feeling less connected to her and maybe (if you think it will help) going back to once a week sessions would better for you.

[stopdog]

Try a new one. What do you have to lose in at least seeing how a new one is?

[anilam]

Yeah, why not? You don't have to terminate old T to try stg new- BTW 2 a month would do nada for me. Can you ask for getting your weekly appointment back?

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Daeva

No extra sessions, no out of session contact at all. Not even in emergencies.

Originally Posted by Daeva

I see her twice a month. We use to be weekly but she changed it without even consulting me.

Hmm. So you see her twice a month for an hour each time, and you can't be in touch at all?... I'm not surprised the connection between you is struggling a little. That would be fine for people who are doing well and who aren't being hit with relentless stress and challenge, but I think where you are in terms of your stuff at the moment, you could do with much more support from your therapist? Is there an option for changing to one you could see every week? Preferably one you could call or email sometimes?

It sounds frustrating.

[growlycat]

What IndIgrl said!! I don't think she is seeing you enough.

[msxyz]

You have BPD and are only seeing her twice a month which is her decision which she made without your input. Absolutely no contact between sessions, either.

I am not quite sure what her strategy is, but it doesn't look like one conducive to treating BPD.

[EveningStar2632]

I would say do whatever you feel is right. You're T sounds OK, but there are many others out there who can give you what you need if this one can't. Hope you found a solution! I'm considering getting a new dr. actually, so I can relate. It may be that this just isn't the best therapist for 'you.' That's how I feel about my pdoc ATM.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Daeva

The connection we had is gone, I mean I still enjoy seeing her but for me it's like seeing a friend you haven't seen in a while. Our appts are few and far between and we end up catching up more so than the problems itself. And I just find myself not wanting to talk to her anymore

Maybe not seeing her enough is part of the problem. I know that I start to feel disconnected from my T after missing just one week. By the second week I don't miss her as much, by the third week I feel pretty detached, by the fourth week (only gone that long once or twice) I seriously contemplate quitting therapy. I find it hard to do anything but chat and catch up if I know that there won't be an opportunity to follow up soon. I don't want to deal with big or painful topics if there isn't any continuity.

Is it possible to see her more often? If she is unable to see you more but someone else could see you at least weekly, I think it would be worth considering a new T. Good luck!