so I've just sat in the bath where it feels safe to feel my feelings, no h or kids to have to pretend too. Pretend that I am swell and that I all together. I miss my T so much its killing me. Then I realised that its all 1 sided. I bet she isn't sitting in a bath crying for me. I wonder if this is really worth. How can one ever come back from a situation like this? I don't believe I will ever be ok wiht missing T and whats the point of continuing? it is just prolonging the pain and even increasing it. Each time my family need me it just reminds me of what I "need" and can 't have.

Happy new yr (said with little enthusism)

[wisewoman]

wow, I went through something so similar. I don't know what to say to you but be upfront about your feelings with her and if she is ever negative with you you will know she is not right for you. Some of the ways I worked through this was to make sure she was still there even if I couldn't see her. That made her permanent. She always responded kindly and helped when I was afraid of abandonment. Her consistency helped me to feel safe that she was there for me. It took a long time but it was worth it. I wonder if I had grown up attachment disorder to go with everything. Just keep talking about it. I don't have pain about if she is there or not now. I just appreciate that she is there and we have gotten a lot of work done.

I hope this helps.

[Perna]

I think you will be okay. I still remember discussing this issue with my T and her suggesting I think about her on vacation and hope she was having a good time! :-) You couldn't have gotten much further from my thinking.

I use to sit in the bathtub with the shower running. That is so comforting to have the shower running down on you; a warm, wet "curtain." I actually had trouble for awhile remembering to get out and would sit there too long, be late for work, etc.

One thing that sort of helped me was reading? Don't know if you can get away from your husband/kids enough to read books that can confort/help. But the parallel nature of the books I'd read would help; the characters would be feeling what I felt and that would help me know I wasn't alone and also I could let them feel it "for me" and just think about them when I had a tough time of it and couldn't read. I'd have a bit of trouble with crying while reading and forgetting there were "others" around who might come in. I often go to bed an hour or two before my husband and that helped so I could have a little alone time to think/cry.

I always wrote letters to my T and the mailing helped because then I could anticipate/picture her getting back and reading them.

Wisewoman, Thats just what I felt i needed to do, email her to make sure she is really still there. But felt it being holiday time, well, its just not fair to her for me to be intruding on her time away...but thank you so much for validating my feelings and I so hope one day I can also say that it doesn't hurt anymore..

Perna, Were this particular books you read? I'd be interested in some book titles, thanks.

[Perna]

I would read The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. It's one of my favorite books of all time. I don't know how old your kids are but you could maybe read it to them. It's magical and "says" so much that's hard to explain/express and shows transformation and how it happens, etc. Mostly I read children's books, the C. S. Lewis Narnia series, Lloyd Alexander's Chronicles of Prydain, lots of Madelaine L'Engle, David Eddings, A Red Heart of Memories by Nina Kiriki Hoffman, definately not a "children's" book but up there in my top 3-5 books of all time.

Nonfiction I would read Crones Don't Whine: Concentrated Wisdom for Juicy Women by Jean Shinoda Bolen and The Art of Becoming Human by child psychiatrist Mary E. Mercer (The book is beautifully written/profound and extremely comforting that "It" is all going to come out all right. Was wonderful for me because of how "long" therapy was taking and how hard it was to figure out what was "happening").

Basically, books about people on "journeys" through life.

ok Thanks I;ll look for them.