Would you ask your T about their health if you thought they weren't doing well?

So I finally saw my old T last week. It was a really good session, but I am almost 100% sure that she is having health problems.

She told me before I stopped seeing her that she might have to retire b/c of health issues, then right before I left to start DBT she said she would stay and kind of made it seem like everything was OK and it was just a scare.

Then, when I saw her on Thursday, she was noticeably heavier. Like 50 pounds heavier-her face looked like it had blown up (I know that sounds mean but I'm not trying to be, that's the only way I can describe it.) I highly doubt she gained this much weight b/c of eating-she is an ED therapist after all.

Also, she was wearing tennis shows. I have never, ever in 2.5 years of seeing her, seen her wear tennis shoes. I asked my mom, who is a doctor, what she thought, and she said prednisone, a type of steroid medication, will make someone gain a lot of weight and swell up their face exactly like I described.

She never discloses anything about herself, but I kind of feel like it is the elephant in the room....I mean she looked completely different. I know that it is her prerogative to tell or not tell me this stuff, but I am wondering if it is appropriate to ask about her health.

I would because I am paranoid about that type of thing.

I probably would find a way to gently ask. And yes, prednisone is awful for making people gain weight and gives them a "moon-face" it's a horrible drug.

I'd definitely ask, and I have asked my therapist about her ill-appearance in the past. She didn't mind at all.

I have asked my therapist about his health and would do it again.

I'm glad you finally got to see your old T again and yes ... I would ask and have before ... your T may choose not to answer or to just give a brief response though

Why wouldn't you ask? She may not volunteer the information because she wants to give you the choice, and probably everybody asks so she could assume that someone else has told you or something. Therapists are human and it is fine to interact like you would with someone else that you have a professional relationship with. An elephant in the room needs to be acknowledged, in a polite and appropriate way, or it makes it really hard to focus on anything else.

I would ask, and have done so.

I noticed a few weeks ago that my T had a bunch of pillows piled up against the back of her chair, and was being very cautious about sitting. I asked if she was okay and she said that it was an old back/hip injury flaring up. We didn't spend any time on it, but I know it would have bothered me if I didn't ask.

My pdoc had a traumatic brain injury last summer and was out for several months. When he came back, he had a note posted at the reception area letting clients know that he's doing well and didn't want to spend appointment times talking about his health. So, I didn't mention it, except at the end to say that he is looking well and hope he continues to improve. And I say pretty much the same thing at the end of each appointment with him, since I only see him every 3 months.

I would probably be too scared to ask.

She's probably waiting for you to bring it up, otherwise she would be imposing her issue upon you. If you bring it up, she may want to explore your feelings about her health. But I think it's important to do so because it's understandably concerning you.

My T's health has been up and down since near the end of my therapy, and was the reason for his retirement. He knows I carry a concern for him, so he's always been very straightforward with me about his health. I appreciate that.

I would not ask. I would not want the the therapist to ask me either.
If the worry is about the therapist retiring, I might, if very concerned about the retirement, ask about that.

My last T, and now my current T, and I had an agreement that I could always ask about their health, and they would be honest and straightforward with me. My last T was as honest as he could be, but then was unable to tell me when he went on medical leave, because it happened so suddenly. He did come to a brief "closure" session with me and new T, for which I am grateful.

Prior to him, I had a T who was undergoing treatment for a brain tumor that had re-appeared after he had been cancer-free for years. He was not honest with me about how bad things were, and I didn't learn until after the fact that he had died. He had kept assuring me that treatment was going well, and that he would be back to work in a few months. It was devastating to lose him, but made even harder by his lack of forthrightness. This was one of the main reasons why I had a promise from my last T that he would always be honest with me about his health. It hurt tremendously to lose him, too, but the fact that he kept his word was and is a precious gift to me.

Because of my experiences, and because T and I have talked about this, I would definitely ask.

I have asked a few times and she always answers my questions. I don't see the harm in asking.

Thank you everyone for all the replies. I have been very busy and haven't had a chance to respond, but I did read all of these before I went to see her yesterday.

She asked me if I had any reactions to seeing her last week, and I said that last year she said she might have to retire because of health reasons and I was wondering if she was OK health-wise. She was predictably vague and said she was still dealing with some issues here and there but that it was under control and she wasn't going to retire. I didn't want to mention the weight gain, even though I wish she would have been more specific with what she is dealing with, so I asked her why she was wearing tennis shoes. She said it was because she had surgery on her Achilles tendon.

So I did ask her and it felt very natural, since she kind of bought it up first in a way, but she definitely wasn't specific, not that I expected her to be. I wish she was a little more specific though.

T has had to miss a few appointment the last year because of reoccurring health issues which she has told me about. I can tell when she is having a flair up as she starts to lose weight. So I will ask her how she has been doing because of this.

I'd consider more aspects.

First of all - just because she hasn't worn tennis shoes on your session days for 2.5 years doesn't mean that if she now does, it HAS to be health-related.

I would think it's okay to ask if you're worried, after all you've been seeing her for some time now and she's the one who mentioned health issues in the first place. She may or may not want to get into the specifics, but she did open a door there.

I wouldn't go telling a female therapist she's gained a lot of weight. Maybe that's just me. Actually, I wouldn't say that even to my male therapist if something like this happened. Personally I'd phrase it something like "You've mentioned the possibility of retiring due to health problems and I'm worried about you. Is everything alright?" This would work for me and my therapeutic relationship, at least.

Corticosteroids are fun, fun, fun- I woke up covered in rash, had problems to open my puffy eyes, nearly 10 pounds heavier (all water weight but still)... I too wore sport shoes (2 sizes bigger) cause my feet were so swollen I couldn't fit in anything else.
Commenting on weight gain is tricky- I wouldn't ever male or female, T or not T.
Not all ED Ts are thin- had one who was fat (Europe fat= overweight in US?) and she was very good.

I know my T was ill, he cancelled few appointments due to health reasons, I asked but he didn't want to talk about it. Fair enough.

Thanks for this thread, its something I am struggling with at the moment.

I really think my T is ill, but I don't know if I should ask her or not. Part of me is scared of the answer.

She went into hospital a few months ago to have a lump removed from her abdominal area. And then today in our phone conversation she said that she has been feeling tired lately so has decided not to work in the evenings anymore.

I'm scared for her, and selfishly I am also scared for me

this must be so hard

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