[WePow]

Ok so not the romantic love thing... but the whole therapy process thing...

I have now been with this T five years. He helped save my life. He has helped me move through a lot of bad things. I am thankful for all that.

I went to a session yesterday and it was tough. But I had an emergancy session today because a coworker died sudenly this morning.
My T was always doing the pushing me away then getting me to trust him again thing... I hate that but understand some of the reasons why. But over the past few months I have experienced just the pushing away. It hurt a lot at first... but today something inside finally switched off.

I tend to do that in relationships anyway ... pull away if I get too close to someone. But I needed this relationship to not break inside me.
It feels like it did and I do not know why. Maybe he wanted that to happen for some reason. Maybe I am just too broken to have a relationship with another human that will break this way. IDK...

[BonnieJean]

((WePow))

[Leah123]

I hope you can give him this and find out his take on the situation.

[tametc]

I'm sorry this happened.

[jexa]

WePow. Remember me? So many hugs from me.

This sounds super scary to me. That your feelings of connection to him would switch off after all this time of learning to trust. I wonder what he would be thinking if he read this post. I wonder if he even knows he's been pushing you away. Do you always know when you're pushing others away?

[likelife]

It seems odd that your T would deliberately push you away and then work to get you to trust him - kind of crazy making.

Could it be that today it felt like something broke because of the intensity and suddenness of your coworker's death? A way to cope with overwhelming feelings related to that?

I know I tend to push away when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Wepow , this sounds so painful. Being self aware is painful and when we learn something about ourselves or others we can't unlearn it.

I am wondering if this is some kind if warped transference towards your t! You are acting from a place in the past where people pushed you away when you needed them most and now these feelings are being misplaced to your t? I could be wrong here but maybe your perception is he is pushing you away when in fact you are pushing him away first...
I do this all the time

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[Perna]

I would wait a few months, talk it over with T, see if it is a just a shift in the process or something broken permanently in a bad way. Reading your post made me think of "molds" which get broken but we want what is inside, the "real" thing, not just the construct/support that is on the outside that only looks like what it is molding.

[WePow]

Thanks guys for the great advice. I sent the post to my T and it was the best thin. I have been working to be more honest with T about my emotions. It paid off because T wrote back and clarified things. And it was all very good. You guys were right and so was my thought that it might have been me doing the pulling away. I now understand what is going on with me and that issue. I have been tormented my whole life with this cycle in relationships. This was a HUGE breakthrough.

[Wren_]

I'm really glad you shared this with your T, and even more that it helped

[BonnieJean]

I'm so glad you did that and that it worked out as it did.

[velcro003]

Yay WePow! Glad to see you back on the forums