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#1
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In the past, I've seen a number of different therapists, none of whom had a doctorate or specialized in PTSD. It was one disaster after another. Our state is notorious for having terrible mental health service. I assumed the problem was them and that you get what you paid for. Now I have good insurance and finally found a 'doctor of psychology' who specializes in PTSD. Yay for me!. Not quite so. I'm no further along with her than I ever was with anyone else. Maybe it's me.
Is it me? Am I so jaded from past experiences that I don't give anyone a proper chance? This woman is very kind, warm, responsive and makes herself available like no other. But is this too accommodating? I've cancelled so many appointments that it has come down to us talking on the phone once a week for an hour. Is that normal? Many times when we're on the phone I feel like we're just two friends shooting the breeze. She's very caring, but I'm questioning her 30 years of experience in her 'specialty' because I'm still stuck in the same place I was three months ago. I know a lot about her, by what she's told me, and I'm not happy about that. When she tells me about things in her life or relates to what I'm saying by sharing her own experiences, is that a warning sign for me or is that some special technique she's using to get me to open up and trust her? Phone therapy once a week doesn't seem to be effective, especially when she clearly doesn't have my file with her. I can tell because she doesn't remember things I told her last week. Every time she calls she opens the conversation by asking me a question that was answered in previous weeks and it makes me feel uncomfortable. She makes suggestions that we've already gone over and agreed wouldn't work. We talk about music and traveling and everything else. I guess the more I write this post it's becoming clear that this might not be a good match. Why is it okay for me to keep cancelling appointments? Sometimes I wish she would put her foot down, but she doesn't. That's how we ended up on the phone once a week. The only thing different with her is that she added a new diagnosis in addition to the PTSD, which I've never been diagnosed with before. My meds haven't been changed at all, even though I'm such a mess and she is so concerned about me. I've lost over 25 pounds in a couple of months (now 114) and she was so concerned about that when she actually did see me in person, but I'm still 114 pounds. Tonight on the phone she asked me if I ate and I said no. That was all. Next subject. She always says the same thing over and over. When are the words supposed to turn into action? I've been hearing 'we've got to do something with your meds' for three months! Why doesn't she take charge and call my med doc and DO something? It's so frustrating because I can tell she's a caring person and we have nice conversations but if anything I'm more confused now than before I met her. Is it just me not trusting anyone or should I think about moving on? |
![]() Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, Depletion
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#2
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Dear God, do get a new T. Also I know that going to therapy is hard, but you really do have to go to appointments. I think it is just much better if you can build a relationship in person. Honestly I think your T should have set boundaries with you about coming to appointments. And if you just weren't showing up she should have tried to understand why so that you can talk about it.
I understand about having a hard time finding Ts. I've had insurance the whole time, and I've still really struggled to find someone good. PTSD can create trust issues, so that can make it hard to know if the issues is with you or the therapist. Usually when I start seeing a new T I try to stay a little more than I'm comfortable with. But if you still don't have a good vibe after 4-5 apts I think it might be time to move on. That's my time table anyway. Also I've found that things like experience and degree don't always make a big difference. it really ia all about finding someone you feel safe with, and who you can connect to. Best of luck. |
![]() waxnwane
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#3
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Part of this is you, and part of this is the T (as it always is in therapy). You say you cancel a lot of appointments. I suspect part of the issue with continuity of sessions is that you are trying to have sessions on the phone when apparently that really isn't the preferred method for sessions. You have to physically show up, let the T lay eyes on you, see your body language, have a bit of structure to the sessions. Otherwise, the T may not really view your phone conversations as real "sessions" and not work as deeply with you as could be done face to face.
This T may very well not be the right one for you, but it is hard to know if you aren't really showing up consistently for sessions. Talk to her about your concerns, but also start going to sessions. Both of you seem to need more structure. It is kind of her to accommodate your frequent cancellations with phone sessions, but it isn't working for you. |
![]() waxnwane
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#4
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I don't think any of this means you need a new therapist, I don't see any red flags here.
You keep on cancelling sessions and at the same time complain about being in the same place as 3 months ago. Is that a surprise to you? To me it looks like your therapist is extending herself in order to facilitate trust and establish a connection with you, so she does phone sessions with you when you cancel. She doesn't have to do that but she is really trying with you. That you can't do therapy very effectively on the phone seems obvious to me. In general though it is not unusual for a therapist to not immediately jump into the deep end but to establish trust first. |
![]() AllyIsHopeful
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#5
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Guitar lessons do you no good if you don't actually show up to the lessons. The same goes for therapy. Yeah, you can talk to the instructor on the phone, but how much are you REALLY going to learn that way? You need to be there in person. The problem is with your lack of commitment to showing up for sessions. Why do you keep canceling? It's important to get to the bottom of your shaky commitment to therapy in order to move forward.
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HazelGirl PTSD, Depression, ADHD, Anxiety Propranolol 10mg as needed for anxiety, Wellbutrin XL 150mg |
#6
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Therapy only works if you show up, just like occupational therapy or physical therapy. So that isn't your T's fault. You don't have a consistent schedule so your not building a rapport. Each session would ideally build off the previous one. If you don't go, then it's scattered and not surprising she's forgetting some things.
I think it's important to have clear goal set for your therapy and discuss those when you begin treatment. If you don't know exactly what you are looking to accomplish in therapy then success will be difficult. |
#7
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Thanks for the responses. The phone sessions did not start because of my cancelling. I didn't mean to say that. They continue to be used as a means of keeping regular contact when I cancel, which has been frequent for various reasons.
We hadn't seen each other in February due to the winter storms and when I showed up in March drastically thinner she was really shocked, so much so that she told me she wanted to have sessions twice a week, one in person and one by phone, as I live pretty far away from her. We have maintained the phone sessions religiously every Monday, except for the one time when she had an issue at home and never called at all. She apologized the next day, however. The guitar example was good. Of course I totally get my part in this but what I'm asking about is her role as the therapist. Should a T continue phone therapy without taking my file home? If phone therapy leads to superficial conversation should a T explain it's not going to work if I don't come in person? I'm just trying to understand if the passiveness is part of the plan or is it a sign that maybe I should go elsewhere. Six weeks ago I sent a long email asking her to explain what was going on. How does therapy work? I just read that email again to refresh my memory and it was very long (I forgot how detailed) and I said things including, sometimes our meetings feel all over the place, why the sudden different diagnoses, are there specific plans you have in mind, can you really help me just talking about superficial issues, do you have a plan, is there a plan to talk about the thing that brought me here, do you use the same approach with everyone, and on and on and on. She did respond, as she always does - very good about that, but nothing has changed. I'm still sitting here wondering if I will ever do more than record my moods. I would really love an opinion based on reading the email but won't post it here. If you would like to help me PM me and I will send it (no names of course). One thing I noticed right away is disorganization. It didn't seem a big deal at first but as time goes on I see how it is affecting many things in therapy. Do all good therapists have to be organized? This involves never receiving paperwork from the onset, insurance/billing issues for bills not sent to my insurance company, forgetting a phone session, not remembering things, etc. Someone responded about us both needing structure. I agree 100%. But where is the line drawn? How do I know if I should move on or whether it's just something I'll have to work with because she is a kind, caring person? From the research I did yesterday, I see that it's hard to find someone you can feel comfortable with. That's not the case here, but some of things going on are listed on the 'warning signs of bad therapy.' I know her heart is in the right place. So if these are bad signs it's not happening on purpose. I believe she really cares and wants to help everyone she can. As I said before, I don't know enough about therapy to know how long to go on like this, but I did ask her if we could talk tonight and she agreed. Thanks for the responses. I found them all helpful. |
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