[granite1]

I couldn't say a word today . not a single word. I was so mixed up ,angry thinking she was angry sitting in her chair of judgment. I thought I was so over this crap .it is whatever she is a looser T and I hate her anyway. and I am sure im not exactly her favorite clients . who cares anyway

[HazelGirl]

Can you tell her how you are feeling?

So, who are you really angry with here? You are directing it both at yourself and at your T, but it doesn't sound like you or she did anything to really warrant that anger. It's coming from somewhere though. It might help to figure out who you are really mad at. I'm guessing your judgmental mother since you tend to mix up your mother and your T a lot in your head. It's okay to be angry, but anger is most helpful when we direct it at the real offender.

[Mactastic]

I'm sorry you had such a crappy session. I agree with Sierra that it seems to be your anger isn't directed at any one person in particular. I find it helps when my feelings get mixed up is to write them down as they come to me. The other day I was caryying around a sticky note in my pocket all day

[granite1]

I know im not suppose to but I sent her an e-mail saying that I felt she could crush me like a bug and I couldn't let her do that .I don't know why.

This is a hard one for me, Granite, because I DO think your T could be doing so much more to help you with this issue. However, that does not make either of you bad people or losers. I still think you just need a T who will allow you other avenues of expression until you get to the point where talking is something you can do consistently.

[Aloneandafraid]

Granite I'm sorry you had a session like this. I hope you feel calmer soon. Take good care of yourself.

[sweepy62]

Granite, it seems you have alot of suppressed anger, and nowhere to vent, like a pressure cooker, im going through it as well, I always have, except this t is making me acknowledge it in her own ways.

My reminds me of how angry I am because of my past, and wants me to acknowledge it, but I dont. But inside I do I get angry at her, I get sarcastic at her, and she calls me out, and tells me she wants more expression of anger in session, , even if im projecting it, because then we will work through it.

Is your t doing this? What is she doing that is making you feel this way? I wish you wouldnt call yourself a loser cause your not. Tell her how angry you feel, tell her your angry at her, let her figure it out, let her find you.

[WePow]

I totally agree with Kids... you have had this same strugle for a while and it just does not feel like that T has ever made an effort to encourage your personal communication style. You do have something to say... but you have other ways to talk. She has been collecting rent for the time you spend in her office. Some people need that type of therapy... just a wall with ears and a pulse... and that does the trick. That is fine. But others need the actions of the therapist as well.

[granite1]

im worried about the e-mail I sent. but if she wants to terminate me over it let her. she didn't want to help me any way. I hate her and don't care

[CantExplain]

You're in a bad place. I hope it will pass.

((Granite))

(((granite)))

[WePow]

Thinking of you!