Couch 75

Uruguay is ranked 6th in the world, and they have won before.

In the 1950's!

Exactly things are completely different from back than.

In memory of Doc Neeson, singer in the Oz group The angels

I hate days like this. I've been awake for a little over an hour and I'm already so anxious I'm pacing here in my room and cussing out loud. I don't even really know why I'm so anxious. Or maybe I do know. I don't know. I can't decide. I find it difficult to know what I'm feeling. I just know I don't feel good.

Have to go to uni now. Great.

Here's something good though: yesterday I found out I got an A (or the Swedish equivalent of an A) in bacteriology. That means I've passed all my exams this year with pretty good grades. Quite proud of that. Especially since I have to study while dealing with mental illness.

It has been Handel week on my favorite radio station.

An Å, perhaps?

Even though I got a good amount of sleep last night it is still fairly broken sleep where I am waking up many times overnight.

I tried yesterday to talk to my T about how I was feeling about the relationship with him and things that came up in relation to the whole payment issue. The conversation went so, so SO badly and he said some things that directly contradict things he had told me previously. I am going all stopdog in my head about therapist lies and manipulation and really wish I could post about it on the general forum without people jumping down my throat. Oh well.

I'm sorry to hear that, mkac.
Sometimes therapists do unacceptable things. It's like a slap in the face when it comes from somebody who has that particularly privileged position.

MKAC... If you would find it helpful, you could PM me? I would listen....

Psychiatrist appointment coming up for me.

I promise two things: 1. I wont jump down your throat and 2. I will jump on anyone who jumps down your throat. Within guidelines, of course. "Uh, i dont think thats very supportive."

I hope you find this supportive! Sincerely

P.s. i was thinking about you (fondly) the other day when i was watching Hopalong Cassidy and some guys fell into the horse-watering thingie.

Mkac- sorry it went badly. Thinking like me, on the other hand, is something I constantly urge on others - i think life would be better (possibly just for me if nothing else) if others asked themselves wwsdd?

hankster, it involves the kind of thing you seem to find most annoying when I post about it. LOL.

Yeah, stopdog, I am totally in stopdog mode. I feel really lied to and manipulated and I'm looking for a different therapist so I can start over with someone for whom I have no feelings. If the other person is not invested in me, at least I will be talking to someone in whom I have no emotional investment either. I really think that will make my life better and keep me from endlessly repeating the cycle of caring more about the other person than that person cares about me.

The big question now (in my head anyway) is whether or not I let him know by email I am terminating and why, or just call and leave a message cancelling my appointment and then never return his calls.

hey MKAC I don't understand what went on .you can pm me if you like I promise ill. not jump down your throat at all. im worried about you .you were very close to your T

Thats why im only gonna comment in my head and not post anything. You know me too well! But seriously - i am committed to being Supportive.

I finally did it. After nearly 3 years I brought up the subject of sex. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought. The only person judging me there was me. Only dissociated twice.

And me also.

Looks like I might not be going out with my friend tonight, if that's the case than I'm OK with that.

I talked to two other therapists today. I have an appointment with one on Monday, and the other is having the receptionist call me tomorrow to set up an appointment. Hopefully one of them will be someone I think I can work with.

Good luck MKAC

MKAC.... I hope you find a way to talk to your T about this before you leave

Sometimes do you wonder....is there anyone out there?

Didn't go out with my friend tonight, and I'm sort of happy that is the case.