Couch 75

MKAC - I agree with RTS about at least telling the guy what has irritated you.

Good Morning/afternoon/evening everyone...

Wiki and Lola...if you are still reading...could you check in? Been missing you.

Hi RTS

Time moves incredibly quickly, sometimes. I just realised that in three weeks' time, I'll be in Brussels (yay beer!) and a couple of days later in Paris (yay wine!) - my choir is going on a brief mini-tour. We'll perform in Notre Dame, no less. I'm trying to grow a hunch.

Wow, that's great! Performing in Notre Dame has to be amazing So you have to be in a pretty good choir
I was in Brussels this week - love the city but hate its public transport And Paris is always great, I hope you will have a lot of fun

Hello, everyone.

This academic year is now over for me. It's a bit difficult to believe it's been a year already. Even though it's been an incredibly tough year due to anxiety etc, I've learned so much (at least I think I have), which I'm very thankful for. Looking forward to next academic year (I'm one of those people who always miss school/university during the summer).

Tonight I'm off to an end-of-year-BBQ with a lot of biomedical students (not only from my year). Bit nervous. I get very uncomfortable and anxious at social events like that and I usually just avoid them, but I thought I'd give this one a try. I've bought some wine and cider so hopefully that'll help a little with the anxiety (though I'll take it easy).

What are you up to today?

Sounds like fun! I've never been to Brussels but I've been to Paris and that's pretty awesome.

Glad to hear you're going, neut. I hope you'll have fun.

I'm working - had T this morning, which went pretty well I think, and now I'm slowly working through about thirty webpages which need to be updated with new information about the courses that start next semester.

Another long weekend looming. I kind of hate that the national day has become a holiday. It's such a non-event, and this time of year is riddled with holidays anyway. H hates the day much more than I do, so I won't even suggest that we do anything special tomorrow. I guess I'll work and he'll do his stuff.

I did tell my T what was going on with him and sent him an email yesterday discussing the inconsistencies in statements and my anger and frustration, as well as telling him how painful all of this was. He sent back an emailing saying he understood about me cancelling and thought it was good I was thinking about what was best for me. He asked me to let him know if there was something he could respond to that would be helpful. WTF? There were a ton of things in that email that needed to be responded to, not the least of which was that I felt lied to and manipulated. He concluded by saying he was sorry I was in pain, and for his part in that. I feel like I have said everything I wanted to say, and got back a ******** response. It's like trying to fight with a feather bed.

Just a thanks to those here who over the years has really helped and supported me.
I honestly appreciate all of you, and you have made a difference in my life.

Granite...MKAC...RTS....Stopdog...Hankstah...Lola...Sally...Jersey...CE...MastApt...
I can't possibly name everyone, and I'm sorry if I've forgotten you right now. My brain is a little fogged out at the moment.

MKAC - that would really piss me off too.

Wikid - good to hear from you.

MKAC... I know for a fact that my xT (and in fact all of my Ts) would have said the I'm sorry you are in pain and for their part in that... they would have not discussed anything I wrote in that email without it being in person! Call it CYA... if you must... but I think Ts think too much gets misinterpreted in email/text communication and it should be done in person.

But I'm sorry all the same that he didn't respond in a way that was helpful to you.

It's already the afternoon and I still haven't gotten out of bed

Wiki

(thanks for everything you have done to support me too)

I think this is what Madame T calls "working within the relationship". It pretty much guarantees that the patient is not going to get what he wants.

I hope you're ok, wiki - your post makes me a little concerned but maybe I'm just paranoid. I miss you. You've meant a lot to me, too - you were one of my main supporters two years ago when I left old T and started seeing current T. That was such an important thing and your support really helped me a lot.

The cup will be won on the playing fields, not in the chatrooms.

Four hours since the last post - and that was mine!

Yeah the couch can seem pretty quiet sometimes.

== FANTASY ==

Me: Why do you think our relationship failed?
Madame T: Because you never accepted the rules.

MKAC, thinking of you and T. Hope you are able to work it out.

You are too funny sometimes!

I hope it goes well, and I applaud your courage.

Thank you, tametc. I must admit I had more fun than I thought I would. There were times when I got anxious and I didn't really know what to do but there was this one person (a first year PhD student who I got to know a while back and would now sort of call my friend (she calls me a friend)) who really made the night a lot better for me. We talked a lot and she made sure I didn't feel left out among the others etc. So yeah, for once I actually had fun in a big social situation like the one yesterday.

The only downside, and I hope it's ok I mention it (not necessarily to you specifically but for anyone who reads this) because I need to get it off my chest, is that when I function quite well in social situations I always get really confused and think things like "hang on, how could I maybe have Asperger's Syndrome if I function well in social situations?" And yes, I know that far from all people with AS are useless in social settings but I find that so difficult to understand when it comes to my own life. Granted, my assessment isn't finished yet and I don't know if I'll end up with the diagnosis, but still. So, this will probably be a day of confusion and a lot of thoughts in my head (---> anxiety).

MKAC when is your appointment with this potential T. I hope I didn't miss it and if so how did it go

Thanks for asking, Granite. I have an appointment Monday with one guy who seemed nice in the Psychology Today page. I have an appointment the week after that on Tuesday at the time I would ordinarily see my T with a different guy. My sister actually saw him briefly and griped and griped about him. However, her complaints made him seem like a very practical, sensible person to me. LOL. Basically, she did not want to try anything he suggested, but my thing was that he was at least offering practical stuff to try and not just sitting there saying hummmm, the way some T's do.

ETA: I asked my sister before I called to make the appointment with him to see if it was okay with her if I saw him. She said that was perfectly okay with her; she had no plans to return and didn't care at all.