My T Owns Me?

T and I were texting today when she responded to me with saying "At least I have a smart young lady". In regards to why she said this, I understand, but what i don't is why she chose the word "have". Like does T really have me? Am I just a possession to her?

What are your thoughts if T told you this?

Well, it could be she left off the prespositional phrase at the end of the sentence: texting is *notoriously* great for creating miscommunications- the worst I think of all formats for therapeutic conversations.

In other words, maybe she meant like a teacher would say "I have a great young lady in my class." Not have as in own, but have present.

If you're really concerned though, of course, the best thing is always to take it to the source, and ask her directly, preferably not via text, haha.

It really sounds like an endurement to me. Not that she owns you, but gets the privilege of knowing/working with you.

Yeah, I use it often. At last I got me/have a great hairdresser, T whatever.

Language itself is arbitrary, texting can create even more miscommunication... I'd take it as a compliment (I truly believe she meant it that way) and move on. Or you could text back: and I have a.........T.

I think it's possessive but not meaning as a possession
Like many people say "my T" or if you said you "have an interesting T" it establishes your relationship and connection as existing but not that the therapist is owned by you

At first when I saw your post I was concerned about your therapy again.
But now I'm thinking, this seems to be taken out of context, really. It could just mean she has you as a client (you really are her client and she is your therapist). Of course she doesn't own you, nor do you own her.
I just get the feeling you're reading a lot into what she does and says to you. I may be wrong. If you suspect inappropriate intentions on her part, please do consider getting another therapist.

yeah, i take it as a term of endearment and of acceptance of you, and like she has you in her possession but in an positive adoptive way rather than a "you are mine and i possess you" type of way.

I would take it as a friendly comment, a term of endearment. Don't read too much into any email/text communication. Both are loaded with options for miscommunication. That's why I prefer a non-texting and emailing arrangement for my own therapy. I would drive myself insane analyzing everything.

I would be more pissed over the phrase young lady or even At Least than the I have part. I have a smart client sort of thing - I would find it a bit patronizing but would be less concerned about the possessiveness of the phrasing.

I'm grateful I have a awesome and patient therapist.

I don't think my above statement implies any ownership over my therapist.

I have a dentist. That doesn't mean I have him locked in a cage in my closet.

I agree with stopdog. I would be far more annoyed by the "young lady" than by the "I have." But then, I'm almost 50 years old, and when I was growing up, "young lady" was what you called a little girl you were disciplining. "All right, young lady. Enough of that. You get yourself in that bed right now!" To be called "young lady" now (and I still am, sometimes) strikes me as demeaning.

I do understand how the "I have" can be taken as "I own," but it doesn't sound to me like it was meant that way. The "young lady" part was probably harmless too, but it irks me personally.

Without any context, I would think the comment itself is harmless. Sometimes therapist say things without choosing their words as carefully as they should. They are human.

That being said, I very much remember your previous posts. Even for a rural setting, your therapist has crossed multiple professional boundaries. The fact that your T and you regularly text, in addition to everything else, makes me even more uncomfortable (texting in of itself is not bad, but in addition to everything else...).

The reason therapists maintain out-of-session contact to a minimum is that they don't want their patients to develop an unhealthy dependence on them. It seems like your therapist is in fact encouraging this and has developed a dependence on you.

The fact that you are posting here tells me that you feel like something is NOT okay about what she's saying/doing.

I still feel your therapist is crossing a lot of boundaries. However, even if she weren't crossing professional boundaries, if something makes YOU uncomfortable, then she is crossing YOUR personal boundaries.

While my thinking is that you should find a therapist that doesn't push boundaries, I understand you feel very close to your current T. I do encourage you to be firm in letting her know when something makes you uncomfortable or you feel she is crossing one of your boundaries. Even if she tells you that she is doing it "for your own good" or gives you a thoughtful explanation, stick to what you know is best for you.

Be well.

i would take it as a compliment.

It doesn't mean you don't.

I don't. I promise