Sometimes I get jealous...

Sometimes I get jealous reading posts in which many of you talk about exchanging emails with your T. Except on rare occasions, my T will not answer email I send her. I try not to send her any, unless it's a real emergency because, as she says she "doesn't do therapy via email." She prefers that I phone her, but I don't always have privacy for this. If I send an email and want to be sure she reads it, I always ask her to reply, saying that she has. When she does, it says, "C, I have." That's it. No comment on the content of my email. Sigh.

If it makes you feel any better I have never emailed T. I get jealous too when I read about it. But I'm also glad because I know I would never be able to stop writing. I'm wordy.

In my opinion, unless they specifically say they allow it, emailing a T and expecting them to respond with a therapeutic response is asking them to work for free. If they say they allow it, you can assume they figure email contact into their fee.

If I hire a math tutor for my kid, I pay for his expertise for an hour a week. I wouldn't expect to be able to email him with homework questions mid-week without offering to pay him. Same goes for therapists, in my opinion.

I've never emailed T or called or texted. I probably should when in very bad but I just don't. I've never had a relationship with anyone where I can freely express myself. I'm very internal with everything until recently. I just don't know Ts policy on such.

I am one of those folks who gets to email my therapist as often and as at length as I want and she nearly always replies in detail. However, I pay for the service, otherwise I would, too, consider it working for free and not be comfortable with so much email at all.

You know.... if you feel what is best for you is to be able to do therapy via email as well as in person, there are therapists you can find to do that with, if it's really important to you.

Email hasn't been perfect for me: I had more misunderstandings with it than I do now, for example, but overall, I've found it invaluable and would not see a therapist who didn't allow it. I am happy to pay for my therapist's time writing to me and appreciate having written records for reference.

I echo what Sailorboy said. If I started writing to her, I'd never stop. But I'd also not be talking about my feelings and getting real-time input (not that I'm very good at this , but at least I recognize it as the goal), so I'm happy she doesn't allow emails.

I don't contact my therapist in between sessions, at all. In part because I think I am paying for 1 hour of her time (as well as progress notes, any consultation she might have to do, etc.) I know she is extremely busy (works 50-60 hours a week) so I do not want to give her more work!

Her contract says that she charges for emails/phone calls if they last longer than 10 minutes.

Mine allows emails but I'm very wary of using it much...I told him very firmly once that I wanted to be sure he knows I am not asking for "therapy by email" but he told me that he figures it in as part of the work He told me that if I crossed a boundary he would let me know, but that he didn't expect that would happen with me.

I'm a little freaked out by my Ts flexibility sometimes as I like rigid, clear, concrete expectations so I know what's ok and what's not ok. My T seems to be a lot more relaxed and be all like we will deal with it if/when it comes up I'm all black-and-white and he's more lets sit with that for a minute and think in graaaayyys lol I don't know...I find it difficult to navigate but wonder sometimes if it isn't intentional on his part...

All Ts are different. I think it's different for many Ts (that don't have across the board rules) with each of their clients too, depending on what they might need.

I understand how you feel, Cherbiej. My T and I have had a lot of misunderstandings because of email. At first she used answer whatever I wrote, in detail, all the time. But that got to be too much for her, and she started answering more briefly. That got me upset, so she decided I shouldn't email at all. Or, if I did, she wouldn't answer unless it was related to scheduling.

I miss her replies, and also get jealous when others have an email conversation with their Ts. I've come to accept that I can email to "let it out" or to tell her something, but I won't ever get a response. She has made a few exceptions, like when my daughter was in the hospital.

Recently she told me that she wished she'd never allowed emails in the first place! I really think email, to allow or not, to answer or not, has most Ts confused!

I know the feeling since my Therapist told me that she hardly ever checks her e-mail.

There does't seem to be too much variance in their hourly rate whether they allow emailing or not. Their rates seem to be based on their specific degrees and possibly insurance rates.

It's a whole new way to communicate, and many therapist haven't figured out how to deal with it in their practice. I wonder how it was for Freud, and all his peers when it came to clients writing letters to them re: issues in therapy.

I was more than lucky to have a therapist that invited me to do what I needed to do as far as emails, and she would do what she needed to do in being able to manage them, sometimes she answered and sometimes she didn't.

Though I'm not in therapy now, I still email her sometimes, and depending on the content she responds or doesn't respond, it's the same as when I was in therapy and paying her no extra for the 1600 plus emails I sent her then.

I empathize with the clients that want and/or may need that extra connection through email, and can't get it. I just wish there could be on going dialogue with them and their therapist as to what it means to them to be denied this form of communication or if it is available what it means to deny themselves this form of communication.

Most of all I hope that there is discourse in the profession itself, and that PC users going into the profession at some point clarify for themselves what part emailing will play or not play in their profession.

Where I live, the rates vary greatly for each professional. My T charges less than my son's but my son's T regularly emails me to check up on him and asks that I email her prior to his sessions so she knows what they should cover without us having a conversation in front of him. I figure her higher rate is likely because she plans to put in more than the 50 minutes if session time.

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I hear you. i guess for those that take insurance the rates are more uniform.

I know the feeling well. i am not allowed to email or phone but I can text although she won't reply - just acknowledges - exactly as yours does with the email. It really sucks! I appreciate that she acknowledges receipt but sometimes just a word or two would make so much difference. I feel that my texts are not important because she won't reply. Then by the time I see her she never brings up the things I have texted about. It seems a waste of time for me.

I'm so sorry that there appears to be so many PC'ers that don't feel supported enough by their T's. My T doesn't discourage emailing, but has in the past responded inconsistently. It caused me an immeasurable amount of anxiety and stress. Often times I would wait an entire week for a response and nothing would come back Then I'd get really angry with T, and angry with myself for being 'needy' - and it certainly impacted our relationship!

I brought this up with my T, and we agreed on an hourly rate for emailing. What I like better, now that I'm comfortable, is setting up an additional session (sometimes by phone) if I really need it. Paid hourly, of course.

It's been a big lesson for me in therapy - learning to ask for what I want. I know it's hard, but sometimes if we're not getting what we need out of a relationship (therapeutic or otherwise), we need to cut our losses and move on with someone who is a better fit.

I don't email my T, but I do text her. Basically, she uses the texts to remind me that she is there for me and to help me in the moment if I need something (suggestions on what I can do, etc...). I find it is easier to bring things up this way, and she encourages the contact, than just bringing them up in session. And no, I don't pay for it.

I know how privileged I am, and I am very grateful for that.

Texting doesn't take as long to respond, though. Maybe a minute or two. And I send maybe 5 texts a week, so it's not like it's a huge amount of time she spends on them.

Mine refuses to respond to my text about asking for his e-mail address. I'm trying not to be upset about this, but so far, am not succeeding.

My T doesn't use email or texts with clients which is fine with me. He is readily available via phone and I prefer actual conversation to typed messages. We can have longer, more personal, actual conversations, hear each other's voice, and get immediate feedback from each other. Call me ol' school, but actual conversation just makes more sense to me.

My T said that it was ok for me to text him, but he has stopped responding to my txts and I will no longer do that. I don't have his email address and he is not available by phone except in emergencies - which I have never had.

I think it is good for me. It teaches me not to expect his support, since that is not something I will have for very long. At least I think that's his rationale. I am not going to ask him about it.

My therapist doesn't even give out her email to clients, so I am jealous of others who can email their therapist. But at the same time I'm thankful that I don't have her email address, it would mean that I would constantly be wondering if I should email her about this or that, not having her address takes that stress off the table.

I'm in group of no-emails, no-text..

I'm fine with the way it is.

I wouldn't begin to know where to look for one that does, if I ever desired that type of therapy setting.

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My T doesn't allow emails either, I don't feel jealous though as I have a great support system with my mental health.

I wouldn't change Ts because of this.

I'm happy the way things are. My T reads and welcomes emails and responds to them all. He has a knack for knowing which emails he can simply acknowledge and which ones require a little emotional booster-response. I take comfort in knowing he genuinely reads them all, it's obvious.

I'm glad I don't have his cell number for texting. I know myself, I'd obsess and probably over-use it

I'm allowed to email. I use it but don't abuse it. She does answer about 90% of the time with a very brief sentence but I can tell she read what I wrote. She also only reads and answers email at like 7am so that helps having an idea when she'll reply. I can text or call in an emergency but I almost never do. Email seems less intrusive. It seems to work well for both of us.