[HazelGirl]

I hate that every time I feel overwhelmed by things, I feel like I need to text my T and tell her. I seriously doubt she really wants to hear about all the horrible things I think about and experience, even if she says she is okay with me telling her everything. Even if I feel bad for wanting to contact her, I do it anyway, and even though she is really understanding and reassuring, I still feel bad. I feel like I interrupt her life and get in the way, even though she has told me that she wouldn't respond if she didn't want to, or if she didn't feel up to it. I just can't help but be afraid that eventually I will do too much or be too much and she will finally give up on me. There are times I feel like it's just around the corner, and times where I go to appointments scared that she will terminate me even though she hasn't given me any real reason to believe that.

I just wanted to rant for a minute because I feel like a terrible client and way too needy.

[signets]

Ranting is good for someone who is at least wanting to listen as well. I see what you mean. At least she is open and hasn't given you reason to think that she wants nothing to do with you.

[stopdog]

The main way the first one I see is useful to me is that I can write her things and she stays back. I find it useful and don't feel bad about it. I don't think it interrupts her life or bothers her, I don't want her to respond as her responses are not useful.

[looking4polaris]

Hi, Hazel
Rant on! The longer, the better. And I hope that you will feel a little better afterward.

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about wanting to contact your T when you are anxious. I'm also unable to resist contacting my T at those times even though I know I will regret it later. And I also worry that I'm a big pain and, even though T has not given any reason for me to believe this, I might show up to my next appt to find he's going to bail on me.

I'm not sure what style of therapy your T practices or how much of this you have talked about with her. Maybe she can help you figure out why you're sure she'll give up. Or, maybe she can suggest alternate ways of handling those moments when you feel compelled to text her. Or, maybe she can reassure you that she really does want to hear it all. Whatever you need. It's all good.

Being needy is hard. Letting yourself need someone is terrifying, but I hear it's how this therapy stuff works.

Good luck to you.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I hate that every time I feel overwhelmed by things, I feel like I need to text my T and tell her. I seriously doubt she really wants to hear about all the horrible things I think about and experience, even if she says she is okay with me telling her everything. Even if I feel bad for wanting to contact her, I do it anyway, and even though she is really understanding and reassuring, I still feel bad. I feel like I interrupt her life and get in the way, even though she has told me that she wouldn't respond if she didn't want to, or if she didn't feel up to it. I just can't help but be afraid that eventually I will do too much or be too much and she will finally give up on me. There are times I feel like it's just around the corner, and times where I go to appointments scared that she will terminate me even though she hasn't given me any real reason to believe that.

I just wanted to rant for a minute because I feel like a terrible client and way too needy.

I could have written this word for word. I am sorry Hazelgirl that you also feel like this. I relate to every word. The only difference is that I really have pushed my T too far this time.

[AllyIsHopeful]

You're not terrible or needy, but I do understand the guilt behind having needs and actually trying to take care of them. I have spoken these same words before and what helped me is considering the evidence I have for the distorted thinking. "What did she say or do that makes me feel termination is around the corner?" Stuff like that...

I am sorry you feel this way and I definitely relate.

[Perna]

When my T would be away for a couple months at a time, I'd keep a little "blue book" of my thoughts and problems, etc. for each week (page a day :-) and then mail it to her office. If it bothers you that you are bothering her, write stuff out and mail it to her office. Then she can decided what she does with it, when, etc. We never discussed what I wrote unless I brought it up in session and it worked really well for me for several years.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Perna

When my T would be away for a couple months at a time, I'd keep a little "blue book" of my thoughts and problems, etc. for each week (page a day :-) and then mail it to her office. If it bothers you that you are bothering her, write stuff out and mail it to her office. Then she can decided what she does with it, when, etc. We never discussed what I wrote unless I brought it up in session and it worked really well for me for several years.

Thank you - I think I will try this!

[Perna]

Added benefit; find a mailbox in your neighborhood at least 1/2 a mile away from you and walk to/from each day or every few days for the exercise I use to get all kinds of benefits on my walks to mail stuff (I bought a whole lot of different postcards and put a quote I liked on each and walked to the mailbox and mailed it to myself each day :-) from thinking about therapy and my life situations, hopes, dreams, etc.

[HazelGirl]

My T encourages me to text her and tell her what's going on. I used to email her, but she asked me to stop because she didn't check it reliably and didn't want to miss something from me that might be time-sensitive. I don't think she would like me mailing things to her office, haha.

L4P, my T is an attachment T and she hears 90% of all this. And she is willing to reassure me and help me understand why I feel this way. Logically, it makes sense most of the time. I can't choose not to think this way, though And I hate having to tell her yet again that I don't trust her and feel like she will abandon me, even though she has said she won't. I don't want to wear her out or tell her that I think she's lying or overestimating herself. Those are terrible things to say to someone.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

My T encourages me to text her and tell her what's going on. I used to email her, but she asked me to stop because she didn't check it reliably and didn't want to miss something from me that might be time-sensitive. I don't think she would like me mailing things to her office, haha.

L4P, my T is an attachment T and she hears 90% of all this. And she is willing to reassure me and help me understand why I feel this way. Logically, it makes sense most of the time. I can't choose not to think this way, though And I hate having to tell her yet again that I don't trust her and feel like she will abandon me, even though she has said she won't. I don't want to wear her out or tell her that I think she's lying or overestimating herself. Those are terrible things to say to someone.

Thank you for this thread, Hazelgirl. I love the description of your T. It makes me think I should look for someone else.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Thank you for this thread, Hazelgirl. I love the description of your T. It makes me think I should look for someone else.

If you think your T isn't giving you what you need, it would be a great idea to find one who can. Sometimes, some T's don't have the ability, training, or desire to help some of their clients, and it's in everyone's best interest to find a new one.