Sly things that therapists do, such as chair placement

I have been seeing the therapist for four years and could not describe the office. No reason to notice it as far as I can see.

I wonder if some of this is just personality and not necessarily manipulation on the part of the T? If I am with a friend who begins to cry and there is a box of tissues in front of them, I wouldn't hand them a tissue. Maybe that's rude of me? I honestly would assume that as an adult if they want a kleenex, they'll take one. The exception might be if they had something coming out of their nose they weren't aware of. Then I would probably hand them a kleenex.

If this friend were crying and I have a box of kleenex but not within their reach, then I would get the box it and put it down for them. But I think that's just being polite. I'm not a T yet, but I can imagine behaving exactly the same way with a client, I don't see any deep meaning behind it. This T in the quote would probably do the same for any person he was with, not just a client. It sounds like some t's even over think these things!

I avoid the whole thing by not crying near therapists. Or others in general.
Of course therapists over think things.

I have never cried in therapy either and have no idea where the Kleenex is. I do use my female T's handcream though, since it's one of my favorites. My pdoc has kleenex on his desk as well as toothfloss next to his computer that I assume is for him only. He also has a scale, which I never noticed until he asked me to get on it. Regarding placement, its pretty boring so I think zero thought put into it.

This is a cute topic, I had some chuckles at the slyness and truth, tho it's aqso serious.
My T works from a large clinic and NEVER turns her back on me as we go through several locked doors. When session is over, she follows me out and seems to go to some trouble to observe me as I schedule at the clerks desk. I think she wants to know if I'm okay... but what if I weren't?
No kleenex visible anywhere. So, I take my own, but haven't cried yet in a whole year.
Her couch is so strongly backlit by the window behind it that I just know if anyone sits on it, she can't see them. I sit in the chair to the side so she can see my expressions. (maybe some others would want this the other way around, eh?)
I would like to see a topic on the strange or funny things that happen in therapy.

Tooth floss?

I think as clients/patients we tend to overthink things - likely more than our therapists. But, that's all a part of the process of therapy I guess.

Me too. No offense to Stopdog.

I recoil in horror at the thought - people smiling is benign.

)))Stopdog(((

I see where you're coming from.

Some of the therapist-bloggers really annoy me, but i usually like what Ryan Howes has to say.

But i actually think manipulation--in the context of therapy-is the opposite of what you are saying:

Manipulation is behavior crafted to get a certain reaction. This therapist is talking about the reverse--his reaction to the client's behavior/reaction.

i don't have a good definition on hand, but from Wiki:

"Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics.[1]"

Yikes!! Is that what I'm paying my therapist for??

Oh, I've just realized one sly thing my T did at the last session She asked me to continue "my story" from the previous session. As I didn't know how to start I asked her to remind me where I had finished She always remembers just everything... But not this time, she said that I finished one story but I knew that I had already finished the second story as well... T made a confused face that she didn't recall it, so I said "oh, I'm pretty sure, I've already told you about this and this and this", it was obvious that T remembered that as well so she came back to her notes, and found it... And then still she asked me to repeat this story... I said, yeah, I've just told you what I was talking about last week, so now you remember, but she still asked me to repeat the whole story... I did it but for me it was senseless and when I think about it now, it's difficult to believe that my T has completely forgotten about it especially when I reminded her the most important details... I guess she had a hidden reason for which she wanted me to tell the story the second time (I even have some suspicions what the reason was)... But as she didn't tell me about it, it makes me angry - now I know what stopdog means by writing that Ts do not want to explain what they're doing... That's pretty frustrating...

Okay, I must be a totally whacked out neurotic...and obviously my T and pdoc must know it by now!!.

I change seats a lot, but usually end up sitting on a little bench under the window perpendicular to T's desk. That way I don't have to see him...I let my hair fall down because I cry a lot and am ashamed. I used to sit in the corner furthest away from the door. That puzzled him, and he finally asked, but I don't like people sneaking up on me from behind (door beside those seats) and I could bust through the window in a pinch..
I think most patients sit over there facing him on that side...

Sometimes I pace...fairly large room....sometimes I dust or reorganize the books on his bookshelf, or just wander...If angry or frustrated I stand in the corner behind the door. If kind of angry at him, I'll sometimes sit further away or by the door. Yes, his chair has rollers and I put them to good use, dang it all! When I finally alight upon a seat...often he rolls closer to hear me..
When really agitated or unable to speak, often takes me for a walk to help me talk and walk and give me some space like I'm a caged lion and safer for him to let me roam a bit??

He has group therapy sessions in there, some for sex addicts. When I found that out, I quit sitting in most of the chairs and sit on the bench because that is where the other T sits during those session. (lol, just hush...lol)....he offered to switch offices for me and I said no. I look out the window at the ducks in the big pond.

He has a big window that faces west, so I always turn off the lights (give me headaches) and close the blinds so not so bright...he does this as soon as I walk in or I do it....sometimes leave them slightly cracked open to watch ducks while I talk....I usually have to go and hunt my own Kleenex's because he has a few boxes and they could be located anywhere in the room...

I usually walk down the hall by myself, pdoc and T have learned I hate to be followed...and refuse to walk in front of them. (paranoid much?)
Poor pdoc is such a gentleman, I think this is harder for him, he always goes to allow me to walk first, but I can't stand it and just stand there and stare at him until he goes first...(need him to check for bogeymen).
If the chairs are too close to his desk, I slide one back....Pdoc used to have like 6 clocks on his wall, and I could hear everyone of them clicking....it drove me to distraction, and I commented that he was driving me insane and to either synchronize them or burn them... He finally took them all down, apparently other patients must have felt the same..lol He often has a scale sitting there because he also works with kids...(have been known to move it behind the shelf....HATE scales.. ugggh..

Okay, chew on that Freud! Poor T has to do warm ups before I come in.....lol. Lord knows what subliminal messages I must be screaming at both of them....SOOO glad T has bigger office that I can move around in... Yes, I know I'm a lost cause....

Don't Piss Off the Faeries!!!


WB

Me too!!!

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My T seems to be a slob! Her office is always unorganized & crap everywhere. I don't think the office has been vacuumed since I've been there & it's over a yr. I think we do fight about pillow placement too. Couch is 3 cushions & I never will sit in the middle. Do notice pillows are stacked furthest away from her so evertime I go in I have to rearrange them so I'm not so close too her. Is it on purpose? No idea. Surprised there's even a place for me to sit!

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Dang wysteria i feel pretty darn normal after reading all that! Of course i say that, after t sets out an assortment of dolls and drink coasters and footstools, which i rearrange every time anyway.

I used to go sit on the ground with my previous T. I've done it twice with my current mental health team.

My previous T eventually arranged for the Fatboy to be in her office so I could sit on that :-) that was really kind of her.

It's amazing what they do. You think they're just listening, but there's this whole body language thing going on. It makes me admire therapists that much more, really. Plus think. Plus they either type or write at the same time. How on earth do they do it all?

It is indeed really funny how T's do things and why they do them....
They have to be so attuned, yet appear relaxed and attentive and open, and know when to speak, when to listen and "just" the right words for that particular client.
In reality, they are only human and funny and neurotic and sometimes OCD and everything else. Again, they've had the training and experience, but goodness it is easy to see how they can be every bit as different as we are and I enjoy reading books about their experiences in sessions to better appreciate what we have and to help better communicate with him.
My T does not really type or write a whole lot during our session...but I know he normally uses a few minutes between sessions to both make quick notes, prepare mentally for next client or return a few urgent calls.
The way he can remember what I've said and ask the right questions, amazes me or that he can keep the running sensors attuned and my reactions and his reactions...plus he says I'm a feeler and so is he so often stops to pause to "translate" things into words that I will better resonate with and "hear"...
I really am so lucky to have found him and that is why he is someone very important in my life.

Hankster...so glad I could help you feel a little less neurotic than I am...I'd love to see you rearranging tea cups some day!!

Hugs to all...
-WB

Wysteria - My brother is a t, and at weddings or restaurants or whatever, he always gives me the fish-eye becsuse i turn my dinner plate to face me "correctly". Like to say im controlling or something. Ha! Maybe the servers put his plate down correctly because hes tall and good looking and they put mine down any which way cuz im a troll? Anyway, yeah i think of this plate thing everytime i arrange stuff at ts office.

And im kinda like, why cant t get it right?? Coaster closest to me, then my little pony, then the phone box. No, he puts the coaster BEHIND the dr who phone box (im blanking on the name). That thing is a foot tall - how could i set my drink down over it?? At least he gets the dolls on the right chairs - altho i think he likes to see the look on my face when he almost sits on his - almost every time!

I dont think its the ts who obsess over placement - i think it might be us. If they do, you might have a goofy t!

I'm enjoying this post, as I was just talking to a friend about this last night. She's a former cop, trained in interrogation, and of course trained to read body language. I am new to therapy, only had my second weekly session last week, but I sure remember walking in to her office the first time, and just standing there. There were two chairs and a couch. I asked her where I should sit...she pointed to one of the chairs and said "I sit there" and told me I could sit wherever I felt comfortable. I sat on the couch, but right up against the side, so I took up very little space on it. It was closest to the window, which I notice I spend most of my time looking out.

I would NEVER lay down...I'd just feel too vulnerable.

But I remember being so nervous....just knowing that "these people" are trained not just to listen, but to watch. And I had myself convinced I was being observed. I come in with a piece of gum in my mouth. I tend to chew on my lip, and the gum keeps me from doing that. I also twist my hair around my finger, so keep it up in a pony tail. That hasn't stopped me.... but one thing I've noticed, both times now, I catch myself "hugging" myself. I NEVER do that! But I'll realize I have my arms kind of wrapped around myself, and immediately I put them down. But, I'm nervous, starting this process.

She offers me a drink (water or coffee) but I don't take her up on it.... yet on my first visit, I noticed right next to me was the former patient's half a glass of water, still there on the table next to where I sat. But, she's only got 10 minutes between patients....

But what bothers me most is knowing I'm being watched, and wondering what she sees. During both of my visits so far, I took a deep inhale and exhale towards the end, not realizing it..... and she copies me. She'd been watching for that. I didn't realize I did it right away, just as I don't realize I DIDN'T do it at all during the session. I guess towards the end, I get a little more relaxed, maybe there's a lull in the conversation, and I do it. Maybe she does it first, and I unknowingly do...I don' tknow. But, I know they are trained to do so much more than listen. And I do a bit obsessively wonder what she sees, in my body language, in where I sit, in what I look at, etc. To the person who said the room is aired out because the person before you smokes...wow! I didn't know a T would allow that. I'm sure some dont. I'm a smoker, and lemme tell you, that's the first thing I think about when I walk out the door.

Speaking of setting plates down wrong, the server turned the tables on us last month. We were having breakfast at Mon Ami Gabi at Paris in Las Vegas. Our super sweet waitress, totally OCD.

We ordered bread before our breakfast. I put my knife down across my fork and spoon so the buttered tip wasn't touching the table. Server reached ACROSS me to place the knife flat on the table, parallel to the fork and spoon.

I thought, "Weird," but my husband actually whispered, "OCD," when she walked away. He totally noticed too.

Then she brought out our food, set down the plates. Went to walk away, but came back and adjusted my plate so the food faced what she considered to be the proper direction.

It was so so painfully obvious what she was doing. I just wanted to hug her because it seemed like the world must just be full of things that were making her crazy.

seems kind of weird that you take walks or on swings...doesnt sound like traditional therapy...

My T has suggested that we take walks, meet at a park, sit outside, etc. to deal with feeling 'stuck' in the sessions.

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The tardis?