Concern about therapist touching client

Yesterday my girlfriend went to her psychotherapist for her usual appointment. The therapist is a woman that she apparently trusts. My girlfriend said that she is unsure about what happened in the therapist's office. The therapist came over and sat with her on the couch and started massaging her neck and shoulders and was trying to teach her how to breathe. My friend said she was uncomfortable when the therapist started breathing- doing deep breathing. Then the therapist apologized for invading her privacy.

What do you make of this?

GF needs to assert herself and her boundaries with her therapist. Tell her that she is uncomfortable with her touching her body.

I would definitely feel uncomfortable with that. Some touching can be healing within a therapeutic context but this seems to me to be invasive. I agree with pilatus.

Take care,
Fuzzy

it sounds like it is hard to know what the therapist was intending.

it is possible that the therapist was intending on helping your girlfriend calm down and relax a little (sounds like she was upset about something).

it is also possible that the therapist was making a little bit of a move on your girlfriend.

it is impossible to say which interpretation is correct, really. future encounters should sort that out, however.

it sounds quite good that the therapist noticed that your girlfriend was feeling uncomfortable about the bodily contact and apologised for making her feel uncomfortable and backed off.

if the therapist attempts to pressure your girlfriend into letting her massage her or touch her then alarm bells would ring for me... some (largely cranks) might think that that is theraputic but they would decidedly be the outliers in the profession...

if the therapist attempts to talk to her about why she felt uncomfortable etc... that could be a way in to talking about stuff...

some legitimate therapists do indeed use touch to good effect. it is thus impossible to say whether the therapist is dodgey or not on the basis of that encounter...

it is a fact that your girlfriend didn't appreciate that, however. and thus it is a fact that the therapist should respect that and alter their behaviour accordingly.

personally... i'm not a touchy feely type and i'd get the hell out of there... but then i have a tendency to run when things are perfectly safe... i just know that i need firm boundaries at arms length. and those boundaries don't sound at arms length to me...

My natural inclination would have been to punch first, and then run....but that's just me.

IMO, a T should never ever touch a client in an intimate way like that, ever. I don't think therapy includes physical intimacy.

Em

I agree that the therapist should only have attempted physical touch after it was talked about at great length first, acceptance by the client, then NO surprises. Some are perfectly ok with that.

My personal preference would NOT include touch and if a therapist mentioned it, I would probably be upset just with the mention. That's me though.

All in all, I think it differs from therapist to client to the type of therapy being done and always should be well-discussed in advance.

I'm sorry your friend was upset by this and I don't blame her one bit. I would've been as well.

I feel she should discuss this thoroughly with her therapist and then make the decision of whether she feels she can continue on in her therapy with this particular therapist.

Good luck and I hope you keep us updated.

KD

Some things work in therapy and some don't. I don't think the therapist will try that particular route again and I don't see that it "hurt" anything to try it. My T tried a couple of times to help me learn to breathe with her (but not sitting with me at the time) and that was too much for me, I was too anxious/scared and my defenses at the time didn't allow me to participate. I don't think either the therapist or your girlfriend could know how it would play out until it was tried, a backrub is hardly molestation but could be, if a person is not ready or doesn't benefit from it, be seen as an invasion of space/boundaries which your girlfriend's therapist recognized and apologized for. If your girlfriend likes her therapist I would continue to see her, work with her and be glad she's trying lots of different things. If your girlfriend has always been afraid of and anxious with her therapist, doesn't "like" her and the things she tries, I'd find another therapist. But it's up to your girlfriend, what she thinks, feels, experiences, etc. Nobody outside the relationship can "judge" other than if it were to continue when your girlfriend said "no" and/or exhibited discomfort behavior (if the T had not been bright enough to pick up on it, was doing her own thing at the expense of the client) or if there were other sexual or boundary intrusions after this.

I'm in school for counseling psychology and one of the things they teach us is about boundaries and when it is appropriate to touch a client. Shaking hands is always ok.

Other than that, touching is usually not , and this situation does not sound appropriate. Then again, none of us were there either. A lot of times things can be taken out of context as inappropriate and that is another reason why touching is usually not appropriate.

acknowledging that she knew she made your friend uncomfortable is reassuring to me. if she had continued, after observing that, i'd run like hell.....but it sounds to me as if she didn't mean harm.

Personally, I am not a touchy,f eelie person with any of my previous T 's or my current T - so I would have had a meltdown if any of them touched me even with good intentions. I think that there is just too high of an emotional content in therapy for a therapist to cross that boundary.
I would not be able to go back to that therapist but as I said I am most definetly not touchy, feelie person with T.

A handshake OK. but other than that don't get in my space.

I think that if it's talked about and if permission is asked first and the answer respected then it's good therapy. If it is a surprise and not expected and the person is not comfortable with touch that's not ok.

Sometimes when I'm really upset I wish my T would ask if I would like her to hold my hand while I try and talk or am crying or something like that. But I would always want her to ask first. Touch can be very comforting for some of my parts but scary for others. Permission is the first and primary.

Just my thots