Just before I left today, T mentioned that he has decided on when he'll have his summer holiday. He'll be away for nine weeks this (Northern hemisphere) summer (which is the same as last year, and my three-week holiday ends a week after his, so it will be ten T-less weeks for me this summer, and I assume that I will have to pay for the two sessions I miss, too. I had more or less counted on him being there up until Midsummer, but he's leaving a week earlier than he did last year.

I hate how vulnerable this makes me feel. Note: I am not resentful or angry with my T. I have absolutely no problem with him taking ten weeks off - it is a fairly long holiday but not unreasonably (or unusually) long for somebody over 60 who works part-time.

[Favorite Jeans]

Why would you have to pay him when you go on vacation? It sounds like he'll have months of notice.

I get that you feel vulnerable and hate it. I have definitely felt the same way. Ten weeks is brutal.

Jut wanna add here that you're also allowed to resent him on an emotional level for leaving without immediately rationalizing at an intellectual level that he's entitled to a holiday. You're entitled to your less mature, less attractive fears and feelings. You can hate him for abandoning you! You're allowed to have feelings that are not entirely congruent with what your smart, rational, adult mind knows.

[granite1]

sorry he is away for so long mast

[HazelGirl]

Wow, your T takes 9 weeks in a row off? I would not be able to handle that and would definitely be looking for a new T.

Also, why would you pay for the sessions you miss? You didn't cancel last minute. I think that's wrong to charge a client when he is given a ton of notice. I would almost call that unethical.

[Leah123]

Oh my goodness, sounds like lousy timing. You need some support, some consistency and caring.

Can you see another T in the meantime, can he recommend someone?

[harvest moon]

I couldn't understand more..

My T is 73 years old, works full-time, but takes 2 weeks off on Christmas, 2 on Easter, and 10 weeks off during summer! Same case as yours! No mobile phone, no email, no contact during that time either. And this year, summer break is approaching and finds me in a very difficult place emotionally.

How do you cope if you find yourself into a crisis during this period? Have you found anything helpful? I write but it's not always enough.

Why would you have to pay for the lost sessions btw?

Take care..

[stopdog]

That is a substantial break. Sorry it is so long.

[RTerroni]

I can't even imagine how hard that must have to be, I remember a few times I wenT four weeks without seeing a prior Therapist and it seemed endless for me.

[Asiablue]

I couldn't see a therapist who took all that time off. No way. Sorry you need to be put thru that.

Oh mast, that's dreadful! I could not last that long! Please don't feel like you are being unreasonable, this is an excruciatingly long break.
Have you ever seen another t while he is away? I think if a t is going for that long it's unethical of them not to refer you to another t until they are back

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[growlycat]

I'm so sorry Mast, it's strange that I too just found out that CBT T will be away for 7 weeks this summer (my jaw hit the floor--main T takes 3 weeks off max at a time)

He's going to work with me on coping strategies/ways to keep my momentum while he is gone.

Can your T work out contingency plans for anything that might arise?

Thank you, everybody, for your support. I'm really not feeling good about this, and yeah, it is bad timing. I have another month of therapy before he leaves, though.

Getting a referral to somebody else: while it would technically be possible, I assume, there are two problems. One is the fact that it took me the best part of a year to start to trust this T properly, and I have had some pretty bad experiences with Ts and other mental health people in the past. I really don't see how I could get anything out of seeing a substitute T two or three times over the summer. Which brings me to the second issue: there is really only one week in which I could possibly get an appointment with another T, and that's the first week of T's holiday. After that, it's Midsummer, then I'll be away for a week, and then it's July. And in July, Sweden is closed - I'm sure that the only therapists who work then are emergency type people, and there is no way I'd be able to find a T who worked for that whole month (plus, I think H might have a few weeks off then, which would make it impossible for me to go to therapy in any case). And in August, I'll be abroad for three weeks.

Concerning payment, I don't know that I'll have to pay, but I assume that I will, because that is his policy. I get free therapy, paid entirely by my taxes, twice a week. However, all cancellations cost money, regardless of how far in advance they are cancelled. I had to pay for a cancelled session in February which I told him about in December - and that was for a work conference, this is just a holiday trip. He has the same policy for everybody, and I am not going to try to get any extra favours (and it's not a lot of money - about US$ 25.)

Last summer, I wrote T paper letters and sent them to his office, twice during the summer. He sent me a txt to acknowledge that he received the first one. That actually helped quite a lot. But now things are a bit up in the air about my contacting him between sessions - I honestly don't know whether he thinks that I've done it too much or not. If I were in a real crisis I could contact him, I know that, but if I'm merely incapable of dealing with the pain that exists only inside my brain, I don't think it's ok for me to reach out to him. I have to try to bring this up with T soon, because it bothers me.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Jut wanna add here that you're also allowed to resent him on an emotional level for leaving without immediately rationalizing at an intellectual level that he's entitled to a holiday. You're entitled to your less mature, less attractive fears and feelings. You can hate him for abandoning you! You're allowed to have feelings that are not entirely congruent with what your smart, rational, adult mind knows.

Thank you. I am mad at him for abandoning me.

And maybe I can talk to him about working out some kind of plan for how I'll cope. I just hate to display my neediness.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I have absolutely no problem with him taking ten weeks off - it is a fairly long holiday but not unreasonably (or unusually) long for somebody over 60 who works part-time.

Uh, I meant nine weeks. The tenth week is when I am away.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Oh goodness...That sounds like a nightmare. You're handling it a lot better than I would.

[unaluna]

I think you should skype my t. Since he is such a swedophile (is that a word?), you two should be able to work out some arrangement. If you could get him to come out there for vacation, that would be great. I dont think he takes enough time off. We are like Jack Spratt and his wife. He is always working and i am always sleeping. I know this is a ridiculous suggestion, but you never know!

Originally Posted by hankster

I think you should skype my t. Since he is such a swedophile (is that a word?), you two should be able to work out some arrangement. If you could get him to come out there for vacation, that would be great. I dont think he takes enough time off. We are like Jack Spratt and his wife. He is always working and i am always sleeping. I know this is a ridiculous suggestion, but you never know!

That... would be awesome It doesn't seem possible, sadly, but thank you for the suggestion!

I didn't mention his vacation in my session today, but we spent most of the time talking about needs, and wants, and how to tell the difference, and why I expect to be abandoned by everybody I get close to, and how I am mortally afraid of saying things that will make him dislike me... so maybe in a week or two I'll muster the courage to say that I feel as if he is abandoning me when he goes on holiday, and ask if we could work on a contingency plan. Last year, I remember that he asked me whether there was anything he could do to make the break any easier, and I said that there wasn't. I should think about that now, while there's still time. so I don't automatically say the same thing if the subject arises. Problem is, I'm not sure what I could suggest.

[unaluna]

My first instinct is to say, a suggestion doesnt have to be practical. Brainstorm. Say some ideas that you KNOW wont work. Like a mask for your cat that looks like him

Right now, I'm all


Get a grip, flightless mammoth. I have four weeks. That's seven sessions (because one Thursday is a public holiday). Oceans of time.

Just ignore me - I'll whine in this thread because I can't really do it elsewhere, and here I don't have to feel that anybody is obliged to listen unless they choose to do so...

[someone321]

I really sorry that you'll be for 9 weeks without your T...

Before my much shorter break, T has also asked me if there is anything she could do to make it easier... And my immediate response was of course "no, fon't worry, I'll survive " but somehow we managed to find some ways... And one way was that my T said that she'll respond to my e-mails (she usually doesn't). As part of the break was when I had holidays or conference and not my T I could accept that then she could response (I couldn't bother her during holidays though), she even suggested different ways of responding depending on my needs etc... At the end I didn't need it but knowledge that I can if I need was good enough

Maybe you could think together about the "backup" plan? How to keep the connection (maybe he could write you a letter, record his voice etc?) or what to do during a crisis etc...

[Petra5ed]

Ughhh... I'm sorry, that blows. If I was in your shoes I think I would be angry, and I would be freaking out and also embarrassed to talk about how much I was freaking out. Who takes a 9 week vacation? LOL.

That's cool he's willing to take suggestions at least on stuff he could do to make it easier. I guess you could ask for an email or phone call or two? I heard another PC member mention their T texted pictures every so often when on vacation... I really liked that, I kind of wish my T would text me a picture every once in a while, not of him although I wouldn't object to that either, but just wherever he was or something he saw that day to keep the connection.

[RTerroni]

WOW so I guess you'll be missing 20 sessions (if you normally meet twice a week).

[OneWorld]

If you don't schedule sessions, why do you pay the cancellation fee? Can you not just start back up the following week and not schedule appts that you would cancel?

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I wonder where the image of the kitten saying "Please don't go" went - I'm sure I posted it... oh well.

To reiterate: for somebody who is (presumably) over 60 and works part time, a nine-week holiday is not excessive. I would not want a therapist who did not practise good self care and take the time off that he has earned.

I'm definitely not going to ask him to txt me or contact me in any other way - I know he would say no, and if he did agree I would feel completely wretched for asking him to think about his job during his vacation (so I won't ask if I can txt him, either.) Calling is not an option, and I hate speaking on the phone in any case. I don't have his email address. Writing to his office is less of an intrusion, because he can choose to open his job (paper) mail or not, and maybe I'll ask if I can do that.

I go to therapy to learn to be independent and not rely on other people for support. T does not agree, but it's my therapy and my life, and he really doesn't get the fact that this is crucial for me to learn. So in a way it is good for me, I'm sure, to get these support-free months.