[Patagonia]

I try to be honest w/ my Pdoc. For the last month or so she has asked me if I have a plan. Yes, I've been having SU. So I answered yes. This past time I guess I wasn't really listening & she asked me if I had a plan w/intent. I didn't notice a difference & said yes.

So she started to freak out. Called people into the office to 'watch' me so she could do all the 302 paperwork & call the police to escort me to the ER. Needless to say I was livid, told her I hate her & what she's doing for me. That I was there for a med change which she said is too complicated & needs to b done inpatient.
I can change the 302 to a 202 if I sign myself in voluntarily, which I begrudgingly did. They left me in a room in the ER for 8 hrs before they took me to the unit. They sent down security to watch me bec about hr 6 I started kicking furniture out of frustration & being ignored. Said I'd rather b water boarded than go thru this type of abuse!

First 2 days I'm on the floor I have no new med change except my stimulant was taken away. I was angry to say the least. I didn't participate in any groups or therapy & the couple that I did go to I was so triggered by the inappropriate subject matter. I was appalled. So I spent all my time in bed. I dissociate very easily & was basically left to do so. Now I only remember bits & pieces of the 4 days. I lost huge chunks of time. Never lost days before.

On day 3 when I got to see my Pdoc I explained how much damage this was doing to me & my family. My H had to take 2 days off of work to take care of our kids. I missed a day at work & now I'm on probation. I didn't go to any groups bec I work very hard w/my T's outside of there & didn't want anyone to eff it up. She gave me one med change & it's a med I've already been on. She said we'll try it again & if I get the same side effects she give me another med to counteract that one. I thought it was a total waste of my time.

She did say to my H on the exit interview that this might not have been the most helpful line of action. Ya think?

So after all that the question is whether I should stay w/ her knowing that all trust has been broken. I won't be able to be completely honest w/her & how I feel ofit scares her into hospitalizing me. Should I look for someone else?

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[Mike_J]

I know I would be looking for someone new. Also your experience shows how careful you have to be about what you say to your mental health care provider.

If you are actually planning to harm yourself you should let them know and be prepaired for a not so pleasant stay in the hospital.

Just a couple of other things, if you are in need of going into the hospital, you are better off having someone taking you there diretly, thus avoidig the ER and all the hassel that will go along with that.

Also if you are concerned about your safety have a plan, so when you are asked if you have "intent" you can respond with something like "to be extra cautious I'm having a friend stay over with me so I won't ever be alone (or whatever your safety plan).

[stopdog]

I would find a new one -this one seemed to seriously over-react. But your medical records will still have this info in it and it seems (from my work suing them) the establishment often use this info against people even after changing psychiatrists.

From what you wrote in posts in the days before you were hospitalized about how desperate and suicidal you were, your pdoc did what he had to do. You wrote on here multiple times in those days of pretty severe suicidal thinking and even were considering that you might need to check yourself in.

No, it's no fun when our pdoc's have to have us admitted for our own safety. Sometimes not much changes med-wise while we are there; the main purpose of being there is to save us from killing ourselves while the thoughts pass (and they do pass as you know). The kicking and behavior while waiting in the ER for a room just solidified their assessment of your lack of stability and safety. Yes, long waits in the ER are frustrating. I get that; been there. I DO understand what you went through that way.

The good news is that you did not kill yourself. In that perspective, the hospitalization did exactly what your pdoc wanted for you; it kept you safe from suicide.

Yes, there comes a point where hospitalization is no longer needed. You are safe enough to leave. No, hospitalization sometimes accomplishes no more than that, but perhaps staying alive is enough. That isn't a minor thing.

Whether you stay with your pdoc is up to you. Another pdoc would probably have taken the same action under the same circumstances though. You were in very poor shape based on how you had posted here on PC in the days prior to this all happening, and your description of your condition before and during hospitalization depicts someone in a very severe mental crisis.

I don't like it either when my pdoc or T pretty much play hardball with me and tell me to check myself in or they'll have it done for me. It pisses me off because it seems like a betrayal. But given time and space, I realize if they had not done so, I very well could have ended up dead. My children and husband would have been left without me. The hospital provided safety long enough to keep me alive through the worst of the crisis, and once I was out I could work once again with my T and pdoc on the problems that sent me there in the first place.

[Lauliza]

I'd be looking for a new PDoc as well. I know they have to take action when you express intent to harm yourself, but you pdoc seemed to have an overly alarmist, almost knee jerk reaction. You just need to be extremely careful about how you reveal this information to a T or pdoc, and the wording you use. It's a difficult position to be in since they are walking a fine line if they under react as well. Still, I'd be just as reluctant to go back to this doctor. Even if you trust her, it seems like she acts first, thinks later, which is not helpful.

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like your PDoc was concerned. She did her job. This isn't her fault and almost all PDoc's would have responded the same way

[Rive.]

I don't see that she did anything wrong. She took you at your word (i.e. you saying 'yes' to intent). After all, how was she to know you replied without listening.

I see how this has caused you a heck of a lot of hassle to say the least, but i don't see how she, or any other therapist/pdoc, could have done otherwise. It is their duty of care to take action when, not only is a patient in crisis but admits to having a plan and thinking of taking action (intent).

It would have been an act of careless negligence to ignore this. They are bound to take action if a client reports 'intent'.

[nottrustin]

You can seek a new Pdoc however, I can tell you any Pdoc you tell that you are having SI w/intent would do the same thing. I would be more concerned with somebody who did not. Look at it from her perspective. Somebody makes that comment then says I didn't mean it. If doc allowed that person to just leave without going further then the client left and DID complete suicide family members would be suing up a storm. Providers would rather be over cautious and have an angry but alive client than one that kills them self.

We recently had that very thing happen. Pt said she was no longer SI. We set up a great follow up plan with outside providers, pts husband was comfortable with the plan. 12 hours later she completed SI...we are now facing a huge lawsuit.

[stopdog]

I tell my clients to remember what ball park they are playing in and that they might consider being circumspect about how much to reveal. Complete honesty is not always the best policy.

[Patagonia]

I appreciate the comments. Thank you. What I think gets me the most is that all my control was taken away. I HAD to go w/ the police officer. I couldn't call my H & ask him to take me. She said no. She said ambulance or police car.

One of the biggest problems in my past is people taking control from me. Whether to hurt me or verbally abuse me. This was like my csa all over again.

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[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I appreciate the comments. Thank you. What I think gets me the most is that all my control was taken away. I HAD to go w/ the police officer. I couldn't call my H & ask him to take me. She said no. She said ambulance or police car.

One of the biggest problems in my past is people taking control from me. Whether to hurt me or verbally abuse me. This was like my csa all over again.

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In these cases, control is taken because it legally has to be. I think this lack of control is something you could talk to her about because it sounds very important.

Was your pdoc perhaps suspecting you would talk your husband out of taking you there, change your mind, etc? That happens all the time.

When my son had to be taken to the hospital, they also insisted he be taken by ambulance rather than we try to take him for just that reason. Their concern is he would put up a bit of a fight with us, try to change our mind, cut and run, etc. So far my pdoc has always allowed me to take myself, but trust me, I get the 3rd degree about where my thinking is, and it is very clear his concern is that I will change my mind. So far I never have, but it certainly was in the realm of possibilities and would have been a mistake.