Do you ever just cry

I think it has probably been over a decade since I had a real big meltdown and cried with real tears for an extended period of time.

The last time I can think of was when I was in College and I got mad at the place I was working and stormed out of the place (they said that I quit but I likely would have been fired anyway).

I so desperately wanted to cry in front of my t - scheduled a whole session just for that purpose but when the time came I was frozen with fear and couldn't talk let alone break down like I wanted to. I always ended up sobbing hysterically in the car after the sessions were over and hating myself for it.

I only cry in therapy and I HATE it. I don't feel better AT ALL. I feel weak and manipulative and horrible and evil and repulsive and disgusting and out of control. I want to punish myself, cut myself, burn myself anything, anything to stop it.

I feel physically ill just thinking about it. Crying for me is just awful.

That's what I end up doing is crying in the car afterwards. My T assures me that crying is okay and good, but I can't cry and talk without sounding like a blubbering idiot. And it's awkward for me to have a T just sit there and watch you cry.

One reason why I liked the psych hospital, I cried so much, curled up in a blanket on the bathroom floor and no one said anything.

Aww. I don't know why some people cry and some don't, but I've thought about this too. I don't think these thoughts are insane; they are introspective.

I only cry once in a while in therapy but bawl my eyes out when I am at home and especially when i'm alone. There was a time, recently, when I was too numb, shutdown to cry. It actually feels so much better to cry again. A relief, in fact....

Do you want to cry? I guess not if it feels like you'll be 'wasting time'....

I want to be able to cry in therapy, just to let it all out in a safe spot.

And this is one of the things I need to get past. Makes me feel like a notch on the bedpost for them.

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I cry every time.

Usually, it's just tears slipping down my cheeks. But when we talked about my Dad it turned into sobs.

I never feel self conscious about crying there, except once.

I try not to cry at work in front of my boss because I think he doesn't like it, but other than that, I'm mostly fine crying anywhere and everywhere. I tried to hold it back all my life, and i'm just done with that ****. I'm tired of pretending to be someone else. I'm sensitive. That's who I am. Anyone who doesn't like me this way can get ****ed. I'm going to be myself and that's that.

T did make me feel self conscious about crying one time because she said something about me masking my emotions. That I always came in with smiles and then desolved into tears. But that's life, right? You can't walk around in public sobbing. Maybe her point is that I mask it well? I don't know. I didn't like her observing it though. Irritating.

My doctors and Ts have said that to me many times that I hide my emotions very well (TOO well apparently), so they never know what's truly going on with me.

Yeah. One of my best friends, who is kind, sweet, loving, a wonderful person... he NEVER knows how I feel. I always have to explain to him. So if we can be as close as we are, and he has no clue... I know I hide it.

But it's funny, I always feel like my emotions are all over my face. But I guess they aren't. Maybe just part of having a narcissistic mom, right? If it's all about her, I better not have any feelings.

I hide my emotions even from myself. I'm struggling with the idea that I have my own feelings in there somewhere, not just those that I 'mirror' from those around me.

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Mine has to ask me because she's never quite sure. She takes some guesses, but unless I tell her, she isn't ever 100% sure she's right.

Crying is overrated … there has to be other ways to release emotions such as sadness, hurt, grief, loneliness … right??
I can't seem to be able to cry alone or not … any ideas for other ways to let go? Maybe that should be another thread so I'm not hijacking this one.

There are other ways, sure. But crying probably goes deepest.

Throwing things feels good. And screaming. I have this fantasy of driving out into the desert and throwing rocks and screaming to my heart's content.
I play tennis - sometimes when I'm really upset I'll whack some balls off a wall as hard as I can until my whole body is shakey and numb. Playing sports in general is a good release...


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IDK. There is certainly something primal about tears--it's how we first express emotion that we don't have any other capability to express. But they are fundamentally communicative, so maybe there's more to look at about how we believe tears will be responded to. I remember seeing a study that showed that infants born to blind parents learned within days to cry without tears because they weren't seen. And infants born to deaf parents learned to cry silently because they weren't heard.

So maybe it isn't as much about our capability to cry, but our beliefs about how our tears will be responded to that influences our crying behavior.

I learned pretty young to not cry because it made my mother angry. And I didn't cry alone because I didn't feel the urge. But I cried from the first session with my T, and in most sessions thereafter. So perhaps it was my belief in his communicated empathy that elicited my tears? And I have found it easy to cry ever since, though I don't feel the urge so often.

How incredible that baby's can pick up on that stuff. Thanks for sharing about that study!

I can relate to the communicated empathy eliciting tears. I was often shamed for crying about anything and called a drama queen if I showed any emotion. It sort of backfired on them because I began to show those emotions through rage and anger. Then growing up I began to respond with tears to anyone who showed any type of empathy for my feelings and situation, though those moments were very rare.

I haven't shed a tear in my therapy or even come close. My voice cracked once, just for a moment. I do not want to cry in front of him. I think the first time I will cry will be when then time comes to discuss termination. I know I won't be able to hold back then.

I just wish i could let it all out and cry. But there is a brick wall with me too. Inside I am sobbing but nothing happens externally. I hate this as I think my T thinks I am fine and coping really well but I just cant show her how much I am hurting and I really want a hug or some form of comfort. I hate this.

crying is healing; holding it back is not. Did you know that the components/chemicals in tears (healing) are different than tears of joy?

I had my session yesterday and couldn't even shed a tear. We were talking about stressful things and instead I just had a panic attack where the room started spinning. I just want to cry.

Yea, I use to cry. I would book two hour plus sessions just to cry and be held. It was always vey comforting and healing.

I don't recall a therapist ever holding me. Sometimes they offered tissues, but that's not the same...

My T has wiped tears off my face before now. Once so gently with a tissue that I couldn't even feel it.

I haven't cried in session before but I have had a session that I just couldn't get past the deep feelings of sadness. It sometimes makes the entire session pretty pointless because I can't talk about much else.