[GenCat]

So I emailed T and told her how I've been feeling about her most recently. Recently I drove by her house and there was a guy mowing the lawn. I asked her about it and she said it was a friend. So I began to think where is her husband? Then I remembered she stopped wearing her wedding ring a month ago. So I began to feel like it was my responsibility to give her the love she lost. Also with her sister who passed away, ever since T told me that I've always felt like I needed T to see her sister in me. OK how mental am I being here? Be honest.

[NoddaProbBob]

I don't think you are being mental, I just really think you both need to reconfigure your boundaries. It isn't your job to be your T's sister. The therapeutic relationship is supposed to be about you.

[sweepy62]

You are not mental, these things happen, you just want to be your therapist caretaker sort of speak, my t always reminded me, she was the one taking care of me, it was not my job to take care of her, I use to always worry, like when she had allergies, i use to remind her to take her meds, she would be so sweet about it, she would appreciate it, but reminded me that she was ok, not to worry about her.
I know its difficult, but if you start worrying about your t, you lose all concept about your therapy , your focus is now on her. Best wishes.

Your T takes care of herself. That isn't your job nor can you really serve in the "roles" you are wanting to insert yourself into. You cannot be the love in her life, and as someone who lost a sister, i can promise you that you cannot serve in that role either. Keep focused on the actual work you need to do in therapy. It seems like you spend a great deal of time focused on her and this fantasy you have about her and it seems to keep you very distracted from the focus on you.

[Wysteria]

Hey GenCat,

I don't think you are mental. Just that you have a big heart...but your T does have her own support network and is very capable of taking care of herself.
When my T's mom died, I was really upset for a while...but that is because we care for one another. Natural reaction. I had to learn to temper it and after expressing my heart felt condolences, we had to continue our work together. Occasionally I ask how his Dad is doing, but that is about it. Try to refocus on why you guys are together and give her a chance to do her work with you which is also probably what she needs right now. Her friends and therapists will surround her with caring as she does when you need it.
Take care..
m

[HazelGirl]

Your response to those circumstances is definitely normal. We all want to care about those who mean a lot to us. However, the therapy relationship is unique in that we aren't supposed to focus on our T's problems. It's totally about us. What is going on in their personal lives doesn't matter, unless it's affecting their ability to be there for us. It seems selfish, but that's why we pay

Also, is this possibly a way to make your T "need" you or idealize/come to appreciate you more? Are you attempting to make the relationship more than what it should be?