[stopdog]

That woman said to me in response to me wondering why she is so totally unable to grasp what I try to tell her (in clear and direct ways I might add).
"I am trying to meet you where you are at" -
I have no idea what it means (I will ask at the next appointment but am baffled at it).
Has the therapist ever said such a thing to anyone else?

[HazelGirl]

No, my T hasn't said that.

But depending on the context, I would guess she is trying to understand where you're coming from, how you're experiencing things, and what she can do to help you. But I have said before that you're a difficult person to figure out. So she may be having the same struggles.

That does not make any sense in response to a question about how she misunderstands you.

I have most often seen the expression used by clients who want the therapist to "meet them where they are at," and most times I see it, it seems to be that the person means they want the therapist to tolerate or excuse behavior the therapist seems to find unacceptable. [That is ONLY my impression and not an attack or an accusation about any person on here. I have absolutely NO ONE on here in mind while typing this. Seriously.]

SD...

My xT had said something similar when we were looking back on things and I asked why he didnt say/do something differently at the beginning of therapy that he did later in therapy...and he said he was meeting me where I was at...at that time...

T2 did not use those words but when I had thoughts/beliefs/perspective different than her's...she would say well I dont see it as you do but lets look at it through your lenses and then lets look at i through my lenses..

Maybe its one of those kind of things...where she doesnt see it the way you do.... Not because you didnt explain it right but her view of world is just different but shes trying to understand your view while trying to see if you are open to seeing another perspective.

[Lauliza]

My take is that she is saying something akin to "meeting halfway" in the give and take process. She wants to help you but can only if you help her understand you better. A therapist is generally thought to do more than just sit quietly so I would not be surprised if she is struggling with your therapy and how to make it work for you.

[stopdog]

It is not a situation where we disagree but more where she appears to completely not hear me.
Like if I said to someone - "I am bleeding" and they responded by saying "I think the space program should be dismantled" and then I shout "My arm has just been chopped off" and they respond with "But I like planting tomatoes"

If she would not talk at all it would be better (like I usually ask her to do) because then it is not so apparent she has no clue.
Frankly, I find her trying and failing much worse than if she would just sit there and quit screwing it up.

The other thing she says is that she is "just trying to hang in there with me" - WTF? I particularly do not get the just.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

My take is that she is saying something akin to "meeting halfway" in the give and take process. She wants to help you but can only if you help her understand you better. A therapist is generally thought to do more than just sit quietly so I would not be surprised if she is struggling with your therapy and how to make it work for you.

Actually, it is not being said in this sort of context.
It is not a meeting halfway/process situation.

And I am being incredibly direct, using short sentences and common words with no more than 2 syllables.

[Favorite Jeans]

Without context it's really hard to say, Stopdog. Do you feel comfortable giving more detail? It's kind of an inelegant expression though, what that unfortunate terminal preposition...

I think "meeting someone where they're at" suggests that you are mindful and accepting of their capacities, state of mind, understanding of their situation etc. For example, if you were severely depressed and socially anxious and barely getting out of bed to brush your teeth let alone leaving the house, it would be supremely unhelpful to have a T suggest that you join the Y and go to aerobics classes. Meeting you where you're at is understanding that you've accomplished something huge just by making the appointment and showing up.

Does that make any sense?

[HazelGirl]

Are you willing to find a therapist who can understand you more, and who you might allow to speak more?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Are you willing to find a therapist who can understand you more, and who you might allow to speak more?

I see a second one already.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I see a second one already.

So...why waste your money on the first one?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

So...why waste your money on the first one?

I don't consider it a waste. I have my reasons for continuing.
I am more interested in experiences with the phrase (s) than with others wondering why I see her.

[nicoleflynn]

First of all, bad grammar......it should be meet you where you ARE (just a little grammar lesson for her, LOL).

If she knows ANYthing about you, whey doesn't she know where you are? Or have a clue? I never heard that before.

[stopdog]

Yes - the words "just" and "trying" are sticky wickets indeed.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That woman said to me in response to me wondering why she is so totally unable to grasp what I try to tell her

I believe everyone is more psychologically complicated than just what they say. Often clear communication, "I love my partner" means a great deal more than just the words or what I, hearing it, think it means or, the other person, saying it, think it means.

Look at the slight convolution of what you ask? -- "in response to me wondering why she is so totally unable/to grasp what I try to tell her." I think I understand what you are asking and I agree that "I'm trying to meet you where you are at" can seem a non sequitur but I don't know how else one could answer?

1. I am totally unable to grasp what you tell me because I am stupid.

2. I do grasp what you tell me very well but you are too stupid to grasp that

3. It is not about whether I do/not grasp what you say but whether you grasp another person's response to what you say. -- In other words, if you do not understand why she does not seem to understand; is the problem in her understanding or your understanding of her feedback?

I think her "message" is that she is trying to understand where the two of you are not connecting, trying to find where you are and be there so you will see her and "meet up" -- I guess it's not working? :-)

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by stopdog

It is not a situation where we disagree but more where she appears to completely not hear me.
Like if I said to someone - "I am bleeding" and they responded by saying "I think the space program should be dismantled" and then I shout "My arm has just been chopped off" and they respond with "But I like planting tomatoes"

If she would not talk at all it would be better (like I usually ask her to do) because then it is not so apparent she has no clue.
Frankly, I find her trying and failing much worse than if she would just sit there and quit screwing it up.

The other thing she says is that she is "just trying to hang in there with me" - WTF? I particularly do not get the just.

May I ask why you continue to see her, and not look for a new T?

[Raging Quiet]

My t has said something similar. It was said at a time she wasn't understanding me and wrote me a letter saying we were at an impasse.

[stopdog]

I am not worried about the response from her in that phrase being a non sequitur.
Certainly it could be either one or two. But if two - then I would expect her to have other ways of explaining to stupid people. If one - I have tried in different ways to convey what I am wanting her to understand. Understand does not mean agree with - but because of the lack of understanding - we cannot get to the part where there is agreement or disagreement.

And number three we have discussed at length. With no real clarity there ever either.
I don't think she knows we are not connecting until I figuratively clobber her with it. The non-clobbering methods I know of do not seem to register with her that there is a problem or failure to communicate.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Cherbiej

May I ask why you continue to see her, and not look for a new T?

I do see a second one and I have my reasons.

[Perna]

How do you understand that she does not understand? I mean, do you say, "The sky is blue" and she replies, "Yes, I love green"?

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Perna

How do you understand that she does not understand? I mean, do you say, "The sky is blue" and she replies, "Yes, I love green"?

YEs - or see my earlier examples.

I use that expression with my therapist a lot... "You need to meet me where I'm at."

Meaning, don't talk to me about going out, meeting new people and taking up new hobbies when I'm barely functional. Talk to me about learning coping mechanisms, encouraging me to keep coming to therapy, etc. Little steps, T!

To interpret it in a worst-case contextfrom the T's perspective, you're not at the level you should be, so she's trying to lower the bar...

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Clementine K

I use that expression with my therapist a lot... "You need to meet me where I'm at."

Meaning, don't talk to me about going out, meeting new people and taking up new hobbies when I'm barely functional. Talk to me about learning coping mechanisms, encouraging me to keep coming to therapy, etc. Little steps, T!

To interpret it in a worst-case contextfrom the T's perspective, you're not at the level you should be, so she's trying to lower the bar...

I don't think this is how it is being used in my situation.

Thinking about it here, I believe she may be saying she really does not know what I mean or how to talk so I know what she is doing.

[stopdog]

Never mind.
I see it is not a common phrase nor commonly used in the context she had it in.

I shall again endeavor to get her to stop trying to do whatever it is she thinks she is doing and to just be quiet and sit there. She is most useful to me when she does not talk at all - my mistake is that sometimes I let her and it always goes badly for me.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

or how to talk so I know what she is doing.

That sounds very plausible to me. Let us know next time you see her how your discussion about it goes? I use to "move" all the time so my therapist felt she could never get on the same page with me (I would change my answer slightly, she'd never get it quite right when she would repeat back to me what I'd said -- I was the master of, "No, it's more like. . .") but I think you may seem "hidden" or invisible so she doesn't know where you are, just hears this voice coming from everywhere/nowhere. You can't see her/understand what she is doing so you hear each other but it doesn't make sense.