T Said I Am Choosing "Safe"

One - it appeared as though the therapist did it as a pronouncement - not a query as something to explore.
Two - for me, it depends on if the therapist would make the same statement about being straight.

You are entitled to your thoughts and opinions just like the OP's T and everyone else, of course. But we are living in a day and age where we actually don't have to rely on what anyone "personally thinks" is the etiology of sexual orientation because we have loads of quality, published, peer-reviewed research about it. None of that data suggest that trauma can "push" someone to experience sexual desire for the same sex.

T's are ethically bound to be up on all that stuff because talking about sexuality is a huge part of what they do--it would be unethical to rely on what they personally thought. You could also reject germ theory and personally think that tuberculosis is caused by CSA and be within your rights to do so; but if you advise your patients of this in your capacity as a physician, you'd be rightly dismissed as a quack and be in contravention of your ethical code and professional obligation.

Out of interest, though, I wonder what it says about your attitudes toward sexual desire for the same sex that you feel that when it is not innate, it is the result of trauma. Could the same be said for sexual desire toward the opposite sex? Generally we think of the fallout from trauma as being pretty negative stuff (eg low self esteem, flashbacks, fearfulness etc.) so when you place sexual desire toward the same sex among those symptoms, well, it doesn't paint a very pretty picture, does it? It suggests that you see it as pathological, no? Well it's not cool for a T to suggest that her client's sexual orientation is pathological. See where I'm going?

I don't know what the case is for GenCat, but I do know of some stories where someone identified as lesbian, but after trauma therapy for CSA, realized that a lot of her attraction to the same sex was really aversion to the opposite sex, and that after she healed some, she discovered (or rediscovered?) either bisexuality or a switching of her sexuality. It happens, although I don't know how often.

I got told that when I first came out by people who knew about my traumatic childhood. I am what I am.

Tig

I can't get behind the thinking that suggests sexual orientation is a choice.

What were you hoping for GenCat when you mentioned to T that there was a "possibility" of your being lesbian? If you do not know/are not sure, I would explore for yourself what you feel? I don't think another person can know for you, they only have their opinion, based on what their interaction/relationship with you says to them. I don't know that sexual attraction/orientation is "decided" or permanent, necessarily. I look at sexual attraction/orientation more of a continuum and the factors influencing how we feel is a complicated mix like other developmental experiences?

Well even if it is, what are we going to do, force everybody into therapy? (Doc John just got those cartoon dollar sign eyeballs ) Force everybody into church? Stone anyone who steps out of line?

I admire your courage in stating an unpopular position in an emotionally charged thread.

In as much as it is T's job to question everything, you are correct. But it's not a pleasant experience for the patient and not surprising she's upset.

T just suggested and didn't say for sure I was doing it to be safe. Just clearing that up.

I wonder if the reason for her comment is that you said there is a possibility you are a lesbian. You didn't state that you are but rather you are questioning it. Sexuality doesn't have anything to do with having had sex with somebody but rather than the feelings. If you went to her and said I AM a lesbian I wonder if she would have had a totally different reaction.

Sounds like you were asking an opinion from your T about being a lesbian since you said you just think there is a possibility & didn't come out & say that you KNEW you are...obviously she is going to get you to explore your thoughts & reasoning. She would not be doing her job as a T if she didn't put the thought question to you.

The way you wrote what she said..."she said if"...people don't say if...they ASK if so i think the way you worded that made people think of it as a statement rather than a question to you.

Most of the studies that have been done show that the majority of gays have gone through abuse or lived in an environment that influenced their sexual orientation with only a very few being born that way.

I have talked with high school students who figured that claiming to be gay was much safer than the heterosexual relationships with the high pressure out there on having sex. The high pregnancy & abortion rates definitely made choosing to be gay rather than a prude.

For people who hate labels..sexuality is NOTHING BUT LABELS

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I577 using Tapatalk 2

Really? "Most of the studies" say that? Please give the citations for these studies.

I had no trauma that made me gay. In fact, it would have been a lot easier and safer to just get with a man. Not satisfying or anything, but certainly easier and safer.

OK so apparently I cant explain things the right way, and its my fault im having issues because I told T I THINK im gay and NOT SURE? Does it matter how I worded it for her to have a problem?

The reason I brought this up to her was because the day before I was having serious romantic feelings for a friend of mine, that I thought were gone. I also struggle with strong feelings for women older than me, like I have a "type" I am only interested in, which I told T because I wanted to solve this issue of why women? not men? Am I gay? But ive had boyfriends, so why do I only feel this way toward certain woman who look a certain way?

GenCat, I think the way you worded it made her wonder, is all. This conversation has gotten way out of hand. Can you bring up her response to her next time you see her and see what she has to say?

And for all of you who think its the Ts fault, its mine. I value my T and what she says. So what if she has only practiced for 3 years? 25 or 3, each client is different, each one posses a new challenge and new ways of dealing with each person. There is no, my T is better than yours. Its who your most compatible with and who really helps you. My T helps me, at the same time challenges me and makes me think! She cares for my well being and my safety. So what if T is wrong on this? Im sure every T is wrong every day. That's the disadvantage of humans, getting therapy from humans.

I did bring this up to her, she only said I figure out why I felt a certain way toward older women, before my sexual orientation. My exploring if im gay was one why I was figuring it out.

I see. The older women thing can be transference-related. If you had a relationship problem with your mother, for example. But that's just one possible explanation. It could also just be that you like older women.

What sort of responses were you hoping for?

I don't think anyone is at fault. I, for one, responded to what I read. If I was mistaken in how I understood your meaning, GenCat, I apologize. I meant no offense.

Your fine, not blaming, just clearing up how I take what you all say.

Not the ones where its Ts fault. How does that help me? Im not getting another T.

Gencat, I think it is a fair question…what kind of responses are you looking for? I don't think having a healthy skepticism of your T is the same as bashing your T.

I've had instances with my own T where I've had to challenge him back. Sometimes they ARE wrong.

This just isn't so.

I didn't expect any certain answer, only answers that would help me out, help me see different views about it. Not answers that tell me its my Ts fault. How would that help me?