[hahahahah]

This past Monday I found out rather abruptly that my therapist had passed away suddenly. I've spent the past week wondering if maybe this is a sign to stop therapy or not. I have an appointment to meet with one of her colleagues tomorrow and I am so scared about having to start all over with a new therapist. My last one was the only one I've had in my life that I felt understood me and actually helped me by challenging my thoughts and helping teach me to cope. I'm afraid I'll never find that again and I'm feeling really self-centered about it because she died and it's really not about me. I don't want this experience to keep me from getting better but I think this may spur some trust issues. I keep most people in my life at a distance but my therapist was the one person I told almost everything to and losing her has had a huge effect on me, one I wasn't prepared to have.

I was seeing this woman once a week for over nine months. The week before last I didn't get to see her because of Memorial Day and then my next appointment was when I found out she was gone. So now it's been 3 weeks of getting through life without therapy and I wonder if maybe I should just try to keep on trucking without a therapist. I mean, we're not supposed to see a therapist every week for life, right? I don't know if I am thinking this way because of my apprehension towards starting with a new therapist or because it actually makes sense. I can't trust my feelings most of the time.

Any advice? If it makes any difference, I'm diagnosed Borderline with anxiety and depression.

That's rough. I'm sorry you've lost your therapist. I think seeing her colleague is an excellent idea. As for length of time in therapy...I wish everyone would be in therapy. Imagine how much healthier our world would be. I was in therapy every single week for six years and it was immensely helpful. In fact, the therapy I worked at over those years (it was many years ago) still helps me to this moment.

[ThisWayOut]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. That must be really difficult... I don't know how I would react if I was in your position. I tend to (overall) like therapy and find it helpful. I would suggest going to ses her colleague if for nothing else than to process the loss at least a little bit. You don't have to decide right away if you want to keep seeing a therapist, but maybe just go to talk about how some of this makes you feel. Sometimes people have "different" reactions to bl news about a therapist than they would necessarily with someone else. I think pary of that comes from the nature of therapy: it IS all about you. I know when one of my first therapists told me she was pregnant, I wanted to cry my eyes out. Normally, when someone excitedly tells me they will be having kids, I'm excited for and with them. I wasn't able to be that way with my therapist. All I could think about was how I was losing her as a support.
Therapy is a very one - sided relationship when it comes to trust. We, as clients, invest way more personal trust than they do. They may care and have to invest trust, but it's never going to have the same impact it does for a client to be vulnerable and trusting...
I hope you continue to do ok, but I also hope you can give the appointment a shot, even if you don't continue with therapy.

[RTerroni]

Very Sorry about that

[Mactastic]

I am so sincerely sorry. I have nightmares about this. I suggest continuing with therapy even though it will not be the same. I don't think now would be a good time to quit. ((Hugs))

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Bill3]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[Little Lulu]

A great loss can ultimately be a gain. If therapy is helpful to you, then pursue it with the colleague. Everyone has something unique to offer.

Keep an open mind ... even if it means that the new person isn't ultimately the right fit and you need to find someone else.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how devastating this must be for you.

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

[sweepy62]

Sorry for your loss,, but you need to process this, forgive me if im wrong but I bet you must be feeling angry at your t as well for dying and thats ok, its part of grieving, I would also feel abandoned and sad, and a sense of unfairness, why did you die on me? And none of those feelings mean you are self centered, its ok to have them. Its not ok to bury those feelings though, please process them with her colleague, at least.

[sailorboy]

I'm so sorry!

[doyoutrustme]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[tametc]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My last therapist didn't die, but he suddenly and unexpectedly had to quit his practice due to severe Parkinson's-related dementia. I didn't get to see him for our last scheduled appt before he left, either. I am grieving as if he did die. The one I saw prior to him died of a brain tumor, and I had been told he was doing well with his treatment. It was a horrendous shock. My heart goes out to you.

I personally decided to continue therapy, because I still had unresolved issues I had sought therapy for in the first place, and I needed the support to work through my grief. I would suggest not making a drastic decision at this point in time. Maybe give a new T a trial run, say 3 months or so?

Sending you lots of hugs and support.

[catastrophic]

I'm sorry to hear about that. Xox.

Much love to you,

Maybe you should meet up with colleague and let them know your thinking of just not having therapy for a while but you want to meet up and introduce yourself I case you need it later down the track.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[feralkittymom]

I'm very sorry you've had to experience this. You may experience a certain amount of emotional numbness, but that is not the same thing as grieving. Seeing her colleague--someone with whom you can share knowledge of her--could be very helpful. It doesn't mean you have to commit to continuing therapy. Let that decision rest until later.

How old was she and what did she die from?

I have thought about this possibility. I think I would feel guilty for taking up so much of T's time, which in retrospect was so limited

[tinyrabbit]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Not a good time to stop therapy - I wonder if you're maybe trying to avoid more loss by thinking you don't need therapy with someone new?

Illegal Toilet, you can't take their time unless they willingly give it to you.

[brillskep]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's difficult for anyone and particularly if you're in such a position and really need your therapist and your therapy.

I've wondered about signs in my life too. Sometimes, I think it's our way of trying to make sense of things that are too painful or otherwise overwhelming to us. We need to have our version of why it happened and know that there is a reason for it. A reason involving us and the greater good, perhaps. I ddon't actually believe in signs, though, and I think you can benefit from therapy now more than ever, because beside the issues which brought you to therapy in the first place, now there is also this loss. It's normal to feel pain - emotional pain, perhaps even physical or spiritual, whatever you might experience about this loss will come and it's normal in this time of grieving, but you don't have to do it alone.

I know it may feel like you don't want to go on and work with a new therapist for a lot of possible reasons. Yes, it is hard to start building trust again in somebody new. Nine months sounds like perhaps you were just done building a lot of trust, and now you therapist is gone and you're faced with starting all over again. But I don't think you're starting on the same level as before. Now you are left with having experienced a healing relationship in which you really felt understood and helped. That is what your former therapist left you and that is an experience you didn't have when you started with her nine months ago. You're not going blind now, you know you can be understood and helped, you know there are people who care, people you can trust.

My only advice is to be always in contact with yourself, keep checking with yourself what pace you need to go at. This loss takes time and needs the space to express it. Give yourself that time. Whatever you may be feeling - sadness, discouragement, maybe even other emotions such as anger or something else - know that it's okay and allow yourself that time and space, perhaps in a new therapeutic relationship. I trust you and a new therapist (whether the one you're seeing now or another one) will manage to build a safe therapeutic relationship again.

Perhaps my main advice is not to give up on therapy now. If, months or a year down the line, you feel like you don't need therapy, it's your decision to make of course. It always is. Times of grief are just so blurred due to the pain of the loss and it's not a good moment for decision-making.

I wish you the best in your therapy journey

Oh my gosh im so sorry. Thats awful and a fear of mine too. I would suggest you do get back into therapy, especially with BPD.

[hahahahah]

Thanks everyone. I went to my appointment today and I really needed it after having a bad start to the day. He seems like a good fit for me so far, he made some good observations about my thinking and was understanding about my current state. I'm planning on seeing him again next week.

And to the poster that asked about how she died, I'm told it was a heart attack or something. I thought she was about 60 but it turns out she was in her 70s, still too young to die in my opinion. My new T is older but I think maybe late 50s? My best friend was suggesting that I see someone young this time, but I think that going to someone in the same practice as my last T is helpful.

[Little Lulu]

Way to go - going to an appt with a new person and having a good attitude and an open mind. That takes guts!